As the world begins to emerge from the pandemic, many people are finding it difficult to navigate the new and often uncertain dating landscape. In particular, young men may be struggling to adapt to the changes brought about by the pandemic and to find ways to connect with potential partners.
One woman who has found a way to help young men navigate this new world is matchmaker and dating coach Blaine Anderson. Anderson has built a nearly $1 million business by teaching young men how to date in the post-pandemic world.
According to Anderson, the pandemic has had a profound impact on the dating scene, with many people feeling more isolated and disconnected than ever before. “The pandemic has created a lot of fear and uncertainty around dating and relationships,” she says. “People are unsure of how to connect with others in a safe and meaningful way, and this has led to a lot of confusion and frustration.”
In response to this need, Anderson has developed a unique approach to matchmaking and dating coaching that focuses on helping her clients build strong, authentic connections with potential partners. “My approach is all about helping people understand and communicate in their partner’s love language,” she explains. “By understanding and speaking in someone else’s love language, you can build stronger and more meaningful connections.”
Anderson also emphasizes the importance of being vulnerable and authentic in your interactions with potential partners. “It can be tempting to put up a front or try to present a perfect image, but in the end, it’s much more rewarding to be vulnerable and authentic,” she says. “This can help you build stronger, more meaningful connections with potential partners.”
As a single father, you may be wondering how you can apply Anderson’s insights to your own dating journey. Here are a few tips to get you started:
Focus on building genuine connections: Rather than trying to impress or win over potential partners, try to focus on building genuine connections. Ask questions, listen actively, and share your own thoughts and feelings in a sincere and authentic way.
Understand and communicate in your partner’s love language: By understanding and communicating in your partner’s love language, you can build stronger and more meaningful connections. Pay attention to the way your partner communicates and shows affection, and try to respond in a way that speaks to their needs and preferences.
Be vulnerable and authentic: It can be tempting to put up a front or try to present a perfect image, but in the end, it’s much more rewarding to be vulnerable and authentic. This can help you build stronger, more meaningful connections with potential partners.
By following these tips and seeking out the guidance of experts like Anderson, you can navigate the post-pandemic dating world with confidence and build strong, meaningful connections with potential partners. Don’t forget to follow Anderson and tune into The Single Father Podcast for more insights and perspectives on dating and relationships as a single father.
Don’t Forget to like, subscribe, share, & leave a review. Follow us on Facebook & Instagram
In this episode:
In this latest episode we talk all about the joys and challenges of celebrating Thanksgiving with my family. Tune in to hear about my tensions relationship with my relatives, the precious moments I shared with my toddler daughter, and the new memories we made together.
Let me know what you think about this episode and follow us: Facebook, instagram, & youtube: @thesinglefatherpodcast
The Single Father Podcast is brought to you by VentPack. Visit VentPack.org for show notes and more information on the company’s mission to combat challenges of single fatherhood with resources, digital products and mental health support.
Well, hello and welcome to another episode of the single father podcast. I’m your host, Kendall Donica, AKA father DZ coming here to help make life a little bit more easy. We talked about the joys of challenges of raising kids on our own. And join us for inspiring stories, practical advice, and to healthy dose of humor. As we navigate the ups and downs of single fatherhood.
Together. Follow us for the latest episodes behind the scenes content and a community. Of fellow single dads. Like you. Let’s vent. Together. All right, guys. Well, thank you for allowing me to vent with you today. Um, Like I said, we’re trying to get back up and running, going back to weekly episodes, giving you amazing content, hopefully some amazing guests and hopefully some amazing stories I can share with you about my life and where it’s going, where it’s headed and where it’s been.
You know, when we’re talking about relationships on this podcast, sometimes it can get emotional. Sometimes I can speak about the love of my life, the hurt in my life, the challenges in my life. But most of all, I like to talk about the true family in my life. Most of all. When it comes to the relationship with my daughter, I love to talk about that specifically. It being a single father podcast. So I want to talk to you guys about my journey with this little girl.
But I also wanted to talk about a holiday that we just had. That’s also been a little bit challenging for me with my family, and that would be Thanksgiving. You know, when my parents got divorced. Celebrating holidays like this Christmas, Thanksgiving, et cetera. You know, it wasn’t really a big possibility.
I remember every year when I was younger, our family got together, whether it was with extended family or with our own. We always got together and made this big, fantastic meal. It’s like the meal you guys are imagining right now, maybe for some of you, it’s your favorite holiday? For me, Tom lane. But.
You know that meal, I’m talking about, I’m talking about the home cooked meals. The, the macaroni and cheese that Turkey. The freshly baked ham, the stuffing. All of the favorites that you have on Thanksgiving. I’m talking about that. I’m talking about That.
And by the way, I’m ethnic. I come from an ethnic background African-American so the food that comes my way on Thanksgiving. It’s amazing. No offense to anyone who’s not ethnic. I’m just saying it’s been my experience that, uh, some of you don’t season your food. But with my family, it was absolutely amazing.
Well, my parents got a divorce. It was almost kind of like a. An episode of game of Thrones.
It was like a choose of side type of thing. One side, went with house mother. The other side, when we went with house father.
Me and myself, I kind of lean towards house father. And for anyone who’s been following me for quite some time knows the reasons why. But then. Shortly after that, it was kind of house on my own.
And for many, many years, I didn’t celebrate Christmas or Thanksgiving. And rainy other big holiday with any of my family, let alone, even really myself. And what I mean by myself is. I chose not to celebrate it even when I was alone, because I just had no one.
To celebrate it with besides myself, if that makes sense. So. Each and every holiday. Thanksgiving year after year. It wasn’t celebrated. Especially within our family. After my family got a divorce was a very fractious environment. And anything that anyone would try to do to fix it. When it came close to the holidays, intentions and feelings were rising. It could never be fixed.
Now a couple of years ago, four years ago to be exact, I had a daughter. And one of the best things about having my daughter is I felt I had the chance finally, within my grasp. To have a family once again. Get back to those old traditions. Get back to the things that I loved within my family. I thought.
I mean, I raised my daughter in the air, like move fossil from the lion king and I thought this was my. Ticket. My key. To getting my family back together. And if not that then making a family of my own.
But shortly after that, I fell into what seems to be like a hereditary. Type of curse within my family. And unfortunately.
Her mother and I ended up breaking up.
And that dream my ad. For a family. To get back to the way things were. They ended with the signature of a finger by a judge.
And with that. So did all of my ambitions to get back to the way things were.
Well, my daughter was one years old. On Thanksgiving.
Really wasn’t celebrated. I mean, Hey. There’s one, right. No reason to. Technically celebrate that. One of the things she’s eating is baby food. When she was too.
Yeah. I had some family around, but. It wasn’t Thanksgiving. It wasn’t celebrated.
When she was three.
I didn’t even have her for Thanksgiving. She was with her mother.
Now my daughter is four.
We all grown a little bit.
And as house mother. Was so much out of the picture.
How’s dad and house myself was still very much in the mix.
We bonded. He had a daughter. A new one. I have my daughter.
And this year. My grandmother. My Nana. She comes to me and says just like every year. I’m not going to celebrate it. But me, your uncle and his kids. We’re all going to the buffet for Thanksgiving.
We’re going to go to a buffet and. And just enjoy ourselves for Thanksgiving, right?
I said, that sounds great. Hey. We don’t really celebrate Thanksgiving in our family anymore. I’ll come with you.
But then I asked my dad what he was doing.
He said, um, Oh, I’ve got no plans.
I asked his mom, my grandmother, but she was doing. She said she has no plans. Those are the only family that lives in town. Right.
And then I saw an opportunity.
I could’ve gone to the buffet with my Nana and my uncle. And probably had a good time with my daughter since I had her for Thanksgiving this year.
Or.
I could do something different. Something. Unheard of within our family.
I could bring our family. Together.
So I decided to do just that. I called my Nana. I said, cancel your plans. You’re coming over my house. I called my uncle. I said, cancel your plans. I’m hosting Thanksgiving this year. I called my dad and I said,
You have somewhere to be. You’re coming over my house. I called my grandmother. I said, guess what you have somewhere to be. You’re coming over my house.
Went to think, went to Costco, got a whole bunch of stuff for Thanksgiving.
And then I Googled or Edward. Or should I say one on YouTube and learn how to cook a Turkey? On a warm Southern these things up. How to, how to serve a proper Thanksgiving dinner.
I cleaned my house immaculately.
This was important to me. This will be the first time. And God. I don’t know, maybe eight years.
And my family can be together.
All of us together.
In our own way. You know,
So I get all this stuff together.
And then comes Thanksgiving. I bought eggnog. About beer. I got, I bought wine about apple cider. I bought turkeys, macaroni, everything that I loved. From when I was younger, I bought it. I got it.
I wanted everything to be. How it was when I remembered it.
And then came the big day.
My family.
My family comes over.
I mean instantly just start laughing.
And enjoying ourselves and talking amongst ourselves, I had the Christmas day parade. But showing in my living room, I had everything together on the tables. I had little snacks, little board that I put out on my tables. Everyone gets snack on it while. Well, things are getting together. My Nana comes over, realized that I had one Turkey ready. And the other one that was far, and I mean far from actually being done.
I tell her I’m Nana. Oh my God. I just can’t be everyone’s counting on me. I didn’t. She’s like, don’t worry. Give me a pan. This is, this is a true. A black woman trick right here. I feel like no offense. And I really mean this. No offense, but I feel like only a block. Only a, an old school, black woman could think of this.
She says, don’t worry. Give me a pan. I’ll have it done in no prime. I give her a pan. She put some butter in the pan and she starts cutting the Turkey with a long night for. Uh, serving knife, right. She starts cutting the Turkey, put some insane. Cuts it into individual pieces. Put those pieces on the pan. She starts cooking the Turkey and real time.
And she says, it’ll be ready in 10 minutes. Get the rest of the stuff ready.
I said, oh my God. She saved me. I wouldn’t have known how to do to do that. I would’ve just put it back in the oven and say, sorry. Uh, we’re going to extend it another two hours, I guess. But no, she saved me. She saved my Thanksgiving.
And then.
Something amazing happened. There was absolutely no problems.
Everyone’s laughing. I have a VR headset. Everyone’s playing VR. We’re playing UNO. We’re drinking eggnog. We’re getting drunk. We’re having a great time. My daughter’s happy. My daughter stuffs her belly. She falls asleep. Everyone says how cute she is.
My cousins are over. I’m playing with them and learning new things about. Nintendo’s and things like that.
Everyone’s pleasant. Everyone’s happy. And we shared some really beautiful memories that day.
But no one was more happier than me.
Because for the first time, in many, many years, I got to celebrate. Thanksgiving. With my family.
And believe me. It was a fractious family.
I would have loved my siblings there. I would’ve loved my mother there.
Maybe in another world, I would have loved my daughter’s mother there.
How would I love to have a significant other there?
But I had my family with me.
And that was good enough for me.
And when I realized. Is, I don’t need.
I don’t need anyone specific. To make me feel like I have a family.
I just need a hand few. A handful of very few.
Give me that feeling.
And I realized at the end of the day,
My daughter. Is all the family that I need.
Because. I think when it really comes down to it. I didn’t get everyone together. Just. Because I think I did it from my daughter.
To give her the memories. I was missing.
To give her those moments. That I loved. And I cherished from when I was younger. To her, for her to think of the macaroni and cheese, the Turkey, the food.
I have no doubt that she would get that her mom’s house.
I wanted her to get it with me too. I wanted to share those moments with her. And for her to share them with me.
I wanted her to feel like she has. A family.
And it was a beautiful time.
Now I wish I could end it there.
However.
Much like any other family.
There are the things that.
You wish were different. The things that disappoint you, the things. The emotions that come up.
The irritate mints, the. The bad part about your family? I should say.
This one is a little difficult for me.
For many years, my uncle. As always been the type of person that can really.
Well, you can really grind your gears. He’s a very macho. Man’s man. But he doesn’t show that subtly. He very much shows it with great extravagance. And on a grand scale. You wants to let you know of his mantra. Because of his manlihood. Of is don’t fuck with me behavior. It’s not thuggish, but it’s very in your face.
He’s the type of man that. You would think potentially is a little bit of a narcissistic. He’s very self absorbed in. And. At times arrogant.
And I don’t mean to speak any badly about my family, but. I want to give you guys the context to his personality.
I love him very much. But throughout my life, I can only speak the truth and the truth is. That I’ve always been somewhat intimidated by him because of this.
Because that type of personality that very in your face persona. It illuminates. Right. You can think he is a larger than life character, but when people say larger than life,
I don’t know if they always mean it in a good, good way. I think that can also mean in a bad way as well. And I’m not saying his persona was necessarily good or bad. But I will say that his persona was very much intimidating.
It made you uneasy. It made you very tentious. I gave off a very tentious nature about being around him or with him.
It was always known within my family that he’s a bit of a hothead and. And to be quite honest, there’s always been known. There has been in mental health issue in our family.
Now who has it or. You can speculate all day long. But. It’s a known fact.
With my uncle for many years, there’s been. A very tenuous relationship with him. And I do know his persona and also due to some things that. My mom has said about him in the past, too. Nothing. Crazy the way you think, but. You know, I remember when I was younger. And I don’t remember the context, but him and my mom had a very big fight.
And I remember her telling me. That she was quite afraid of him.
You know, He was quite. She was quite fearful of him.
And I remember being young. And that’s one of these key moments in your life that you just remember because it kind of haunted you.
It was nothing. Sexual or any of that nature of abuse that she was referring to, but it was mostly just. Fear.
Intimidation.
I remember I was laying in bed with my mother, mother when I was young watching TV.
And then we heard a knock at the door.
She looked who it was and didn’t answer.
And then we heard the door open.
He walks in the door.
Goes, halfway up the stairs. And him and my mom have this verbal argument. I remember. She specifically told him. Do not come any closer.
I remember my uncle’s face thinking. I mean, I can see it clearly. And his face. Thinking that she was being ridiculous.
I remember how baffled he was with my mother’s behavior. Or reaction to his presence.
But to be quite honest, I was so young. I don’t really remember the context of what was being presented to me.
I remember after that there were many years. I didn’t speak to my uncle. Mostly because of my mom’s. Um, wishes, I guess you could say. Or influence on me.
I was very protective of my mother back in the day. And I knew that whatever that was.
I felt that he was wrong.
Now, again, anyone who’s followed this podcast for awhile, you know that now I have a very tenuous relationship with my mother.
I see her very differently.
And when I think about that day, I think about. How my mother reacted. And I think about my uncle’s face. And how he thought that she was being ridiculous.
They often say truth and madness lie in the same stream. I don’t know what was said that day. I don’t know what was done. Until this day, I don’t know who was wrong.
To be fair. I’m not sure if it was, I don’t know if it was that much of a big issue. Before I do known that for many years. I didn’t speak to my uncle after that.
After a while him and I reconnected.
I think when I was a teenager. This is when we started to reconnect more.
You started opening up to me about. Um, a lot of things.
And it was really when my parents got divorced, that he really became very involved in telling me all the things that I needed to know.
Some things about my mother. Some things about my father. Some things about my biological father. And some things about maybe the way she acted when she was younger.
None of them want to go into it all as of right now. I mentioned it on previous episodes, but. There were a lot of things that my mother has done. And if people have told me. That makes me. Needless to say very disappointed.
And. Throughout that process.
I reconnected with my uncle when about many things. Introduce me to my love of comics. I love of superheroes. My love of collectibles. And fantasy movies and. Animated cartoons.
One of his favorites were. Batman the animated series and I loved it. He gave me a whole bunch of CDs to watch with him.
And it felt so awesome. Just. Connecting with someone on a nerdy level. They always say, girl, doesn’t go, go for a nerd. And I had really. Not only that, but I had no friends around me to nerd out with.
Introduced me to one of my favorite shows of all time, Smallville it’s about how Superman was raised before he became Superman. My favorite show. I really bonded with him.
But the other thing is. Every time I was around him. See, I bonded with him in person. And I mean, I bonded with him over the phone. But in person.
It’s like.
Riding a bike almost. In person. It was like, he brought me right back to that tension.
He brought me right back to feeling uncomfortable. Do you feeling uneasy? Every time he’d give me a hug. He smacked my back. You know how you give a hugs? When you smell you pat someone’s back, you would smack it with the force of Zeus.
Every time I spoke to him, he would make me come out in the backyard with him and he, while he had a cigarette and I hated the smell of smoke.
Get a very commanding.
Presence in his house. And yeah, he’s the man of his house. Right. But it was. I could tell it made everyone feel uneasy.
I hated it.
Now my Nana. Again, For anyone who’s. Listen to me for a very long time, know that my Nana is like my mother.
She’s my she’s my mom’s mom, my uncles, mom. But she really took me in after my parents got divorced. She adopted me, got me through high school, put me up in college, like. She’s my mother, you know, she’s protected me, guided me. And it’s kind of true what they say that.
Woman. She took me in high school. I was very angry, angry child, and I was such an asshole. I was angry at the world, angry at my parents, angry at everything. I had so much regret how I treated her during that time. Every teenager does. But. I regretted it.
I love her so very much, but I’m very protective of her. She’s my Nana is a very sensitive person. She comes from a very. She’s an impressive woman, but she comes from a very, um, deeply black rooted. Cultural background. That’s. Um, consistent with racism and discrimination. In. Um, a degrading aspect towards women.
You know, she. Puts herself in a high standard when it comes to being a woman and being a woman of color. But she’s also very defiant, but she’s also very, uh, defensive and. Sensitive. You know,
Um,
But I’m very protective of her. Because I always said if there’s one person in this world that I know for certain loves me. To be honest, as of right now, even more than my daughter. I know that. Even more than my own little girl that she loves me more than anyone on this earth.
I’m not even, and hear me on that. I’m not even sure if my daughter loves me as much as my Nana loves me. I know that the woman loves me. She would do anything for me. You ever have a family like that? Where you know that no matter what you do, no matter what you’ve done, there is nothing you could ever do.
That would ever come between your guys’s love.
She loves me.
Just like how I love my daughter. And I know that because the love she feels from me. I feel from my little girl.
I say that. Because. Once, and for all, I have to explain this woman. Is my mom.
And for many years, I would see my uncle come up. And treat my Nana.
With. Someone of. Uh, misguided disrespect.
And I hated it.
I hated it because it was, it was very.
It’s a type of disrespect that you don’t even know that you’re doing it. But yeah, everyone sees it.
I would see him come up and visit, visit my Nana’s house. My Nana has. You know, a one bedroom. Um, No senior apartment.
And she has a pull-out. She’s a pull-out, uh, uh, couch. Pull up mattress couch.
So every once in awhile, I’d see the whole family sleep on the, on the pullout couch.
And I’d see my Nana sleeping in her bed. But more often. I would see a pillow and a blanket spread out in her closet.
And I’d say, Nana, what? What is this? And she’s like, I sleep in the closet when they’re here. And my Nana would brush it off a side, like, oh no, no, no, no. I don’t even, it doesn’t bother me, but it holds what the fuck it bothered me. Uh, but, but. I thought she was joking. There’s no way my Nana actually sleeps in the closet.
But then.
I started noticing it more and more. Year after year. Year after year. Multiple times a year, this one would sleep in the closet. And the older manana got a more started to bother me. Mike she’s a 66 year old woman. She’s a 70 year old woman. And this year. I’m like she’s a 72 year old woman. Sleeping in a fucking closet.
I remember a couple of months ago, I started to talk. With my uncle about the way he is treating my Nana and this and that. Not giving her this bubble ball of that.
And I remember he got so defensive at me. And we didn’t talk for maybe like two months.
But this time, this year where I wanted everything to be perfect. And my Nana’s saying how sad she is about, you know, The state of our family and things like that. This year. I think. It just boiled up and boiled up and boiled up. Where I couldn’t take it anymore.
I started with Thanksgiving.
I asked him to be at my house by one o’clock. I called him beforehand because Hey, black people are always late. Okay. I get it. But I called him beforehand and I said, look, man, I really need you to be here by one, in any Montana to help me with this Turkey. Is that. Okay. No problem. He didn’t come from maybe like 1 45.
My Nana tells me he was just laying down on the couch and took a shower, took a long, long shower.
And that’s the kind of thing that I’m talking about. The personality trait, everything revolves around him.
It comes over my house. Like I said, everything was perfect. I let it go.
The next day, my Nana calls me. Uh, practically crying about. Him. Putting her down in front of the kids. Things like that.
Asking her for some money after he gambled and.
And, um, Her sleeping in the closet.
And I think. I just had it at that moment, you know? I think I just said, look, this is, this is it. And what have you ever been so afraid to talk to somebody even as a grown man I’m 27 years old, but even I kinda. I don’t tell my dad everything. Right. And what I mean by that is I don’t tell him everything I feel. I mean, we don’t have that type of emotion thing. Right.
And so I was, there’s so much tension between me and my uncle sometimes.
But I called him.
And I say, hang on, call Matt.
Like you can’t be having Nana sleep in a closet. Next time.
Come stay with me. No problem. LOL. I texted him at first. Then he calls me. And heart races. Because I already knew.
So I took a deep breath and I said, you know what? I’m 27 years old. I’m a man.
So I answered the phone. She says, Hey man. I was up at that text. Let me say, Hey man, well, you know, Nana has been telling me that. She’s been sleeping in a closet. Next time, stay with me. He says. Yeah. So you’re telling me. What like are you trying to come at me in some way? It’s a no. I’m looking out for your mother.
My mother. I don’t appreciate that she sleeps in the closet. I said, oh, really?
So what you. You you criticizing me or you, you trying to teach me a lesson here or what. I said, look, man.
Relax. All I said. What’s the next time. Stay with me. I got a two bedroom, big ass condo here. He’s like. Oh, you didn’t offer us to stay with you. Did you? And I said, no. But I, I, I just didn’t think you’d. Let Nana sleep in a closet. He’s like, did you even know that? I didn’t know. Let’s just sleep in the closet.
And I said, look, man, I.
I don’t see how you didn’t know she’s been doing it for years. Every time you come. And he said, well, where else are we going to sleep? 10. Listen, I don’t know.
But I just didn’t expect a 72 year old woman. Your mother. To be sleeping. In a closet. On the floor.
Silence.
He said, all right, man. So we’ll just want to say.
And I said, please don’t ever have my Nana sleep on the closet again. You said, let me repeat what you just said. You said don’t you ever let my Nana sleep on a closet again? And I said, no, no, no, no, no, buddy.
You’re just. You’re emphasizing it. I say, please. Don’t have her sleep on the closet again.
And he said. You know what. And I said, look before. Listen. Before you say whatever you’re about to say.
I’ve heard it so many times before in so many different ways, in so many different fashions from this family. And it’s fine.
I’m just looking out for your mother. My Nana. And if you don’t appreciate that, then say what you got to say.
But.
I stand by what I said.
He says, guess what? You don’t have an uncle. Things up the phone.
And, you know, what.
It really didn’t bother me. I mean. In some. Way bothers me, I guess, because I have to be bothered by it because it’s my family, but.
I’m going to say something to you guys that.
I don’t think I really would say to a lot of people just.
I guess what I’m trying to say is. I don’t really have a value.
For family. Like you guys might.
And it sounds weird, but maybe in some way you can kind of interpret what I’m saying.
I don’t really value. Family and the way you might think. My family. My family.
My family has always been fractured. My family has always been broken.
My family.
Has always been conditional. Love. Not unconditional.
My family has always been defensive. Critical. Hurtful. Painful.
And I, at a certain point, I think you say. My family.
I don’t want any more of my family.
I want my own family.
A family of my making. A family of my choosing.
An unconditional. Love.
My family.
That’s what I want.
So at the end of the day, After he hung up. Yeah, I didn’t. I didn’t really care.
And it was because my family.
I don’t know if I ever really cared that much about.
My family.
Because they haven’t been.
My family. In quite some time.
And that may sound. However it sounds.
But I’m going to be honest. That’s the truth.
And I may reword that differently down the line. I may. Change the verbiage of that down the line. But.
When it comes down to it through and through at the heart of it. That is my truth.
My Nana.
She’s amazing. She.
Holds a lot of. Things together.
In our family.
She brings people together. She helps people. She’s kind, she’s loving.
She values. Family.
And she would be disappointed to hear me say that, but.
But it’s.
Not really my family.
I feel like I’m trapped in my family.
Itching to get out. Influenced by the behaviors of my dad. Who was. Horrible. To my mom.
Influenced by my mom. Who was. Manipulative and deceiving.
Influenced by my uncle.
It was.
Bold arrogant. Intentious.
Influenced by my Nana who’s strong.
But easily hurt.
I just want to get away.
Now I will tell you.
And my family. My daughter. My Nana.
My dad and my grandma.
I love them all.
But when I think about my family,
I think about the one I have yet to build.
So, yeah.
That’s my family.
The fractured. Unorganized.
Hurtful.
Conditional loved family.
But it is my family.
I just hope I build a new one, one day.
I look.
In truth. I did a lot of venting with you guys today. I don’t know if that’s how I really feel. More if that’s how I feel now.
I don’t know if those were my true words or just the words I’ve. Chosen to choose.
I don’t know if that’s the way my heart feels or just the way my heartbeats.
But I can only say what the truth feels right now.
And that’s my truth.
And that’s my family.
So.
Would that being said.
I hope all of you out there. It had an amazing Thanksgiving. And I hope that whatever family you have. Whatever thing you’re going through or whatever. Family member is challenging your thoughts or.
Breaking your heart.
I hope that. You get to build the family that you want to build.
Keep the family that you want to keep. And distance yourself from the family that needs a distancing.
I hope that love finds you.
I hope that peace surrounds you.
And I hope that comfort consumes you.
I hope that you’re happy.
And to all the people. Or allowing me to vent with you today.
I hope. That we can vent together again soon.
All right guys. That’s the episode. I didn’t have time to get to the questions part of the episode today, but we will do that next week or I will answer. All of your questions that you might have for me. Listen, if you guys want a guaranteed question, by the way, there’s a section of our podcast called mailbag mailbag. We do at the end of every podcast episode, and I’ll answer some of the questions I get brought into us.
And you can do that by emailing me at hello. At vent pack. Dot org and in the subject line type of mailbag and just type the question that you want to be read on the show. If you want. Uh, guaranteed. Answer to your question. If you want a question guaranteed, to be read on the show. Then join our Patrion. It’s the price of a cup of coffee, just about five bucks a month. It’s a patrion.com/a single father podcast. Make sure you join the Patrion and you’ll have your question guaranteed to be answered as long as it’s, you know, somewhat appropriate.
Um, I will guarantee I’ll answer that in the show and I’ll do a little shout out for you at the end of the show as well. Um, or if you just want to take your chance and ask some casual questions, you can just email me with the mail bag. Uh, if you want an opportunity to vent with me on the show, if you want to be a guest and have a little venting session together, if you have a family member that you want to talk about with me on the show, well, guess what you can do that you can join our Patrion patrion.com/a single father podcast, and join with the tears where you be able to vent with me on the show.
And I look forward to venting with you very, very soon. Make sure to follow us on social media, which is just pretty much everywhere. The single father podcast, Instagram. Uh, Facebook, YouTube. Um, Eventually, um, you know, I’m not sure the timeframe on it, but eventually I’ll be doing video podcasts where I’ll be uploading those to YouTube, just to make sure you stay tuned for behind the scenes content, et cetera.
And guys just thank you for supporting me. Um, most of all, be sure to like subscribe, share, leave a review. Really helps. Allows us to. You know, Um, bring more content on the show, gain more notoriety, get more guests. Um, create better episodes for you. Um, if you just want to support the podcast again and go to our Patrion, just to be a supporter.
Um, if any of this resonated with you. Let me know Dami, follow us on socials. Follow us on the podcast. I look forward to venting with you guys very, very soon. So with that being said, I don’t think I’m missing anything. You guys have a great holiday. And, um, May, I guess I’ll be giving you the details after Christmas. We’ll see how that goes until next time.
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In this episode:
I take a break from life’s stressors and give you a breakdown / insight into my favorite things to watch on netflix to make for an epic lazy sunday or the perfect netflix and chill.
The Single Father Podcast is brought to you by VentPack. Visit VentPack.org for show notes and more information on the company’s mission to combat challenges of single fatherhood with resources, digital products and mental health support.
Well, hello, ladies and gentlemen, and otherwise is your host Kendall Donica, AKA father DZ, giving you another episode of the single father podcast. Thank you so much for joining me on today’s episode. Today’s a little different. Um, I had some things going on. Uh, in my life that. Stress me out. And I think we’re going to talk about it next.
Uh, next week on next episode. However today I want to do something just fun. I want to do something relaxing. I wanted to give you guys a little bonus episode, if you will. And to kind of, um, my life and a little bit of my personality. Um, so our, I wanted to go over something. Eh, well, if any of you know me, you guys know I’m a very big moving and a TV guy.
I love. Uh, being a home body. I love staying at home. Watching movies, love TV. Um, and over the course of me, Literally buying every single streaming service. I’ve actually, um, credit the list on each and every one of my streaming services on the TV shows that I like, um, the list is just strictly TV shows. I’m not sure why. I just felt like TV shows.
You know, it’s a nice date, you know? I keep putting on a nice, uh, TV show and you have something to watch together. I watch it. Uh, you know, back of with myself, I dunno. I dunno why it’s just TV shows, but it is. So when every single streaming service, I have a list of TV shows that I like. I’m going to go over them with you, um, starting with Netflix and just keep it kind of, um, a rundown on some of the shows that I’m watching. And I thought that would be a fun bonus episode.
Just to kind of switch it up a little bit. And, um, give you guys a nice little insight. And uh, next week we’ll, we’ll get back into the nitty-gritty and deep stuff and talk about. Thanksgiving and family and all of that good stuff and some of that negative stuff. So, um, all right. Without further ado, let’s get into it.
So the first on my list here is going to be well, we’re starting with Netflix. The first one list is going to be manifest. I got to admit manifest is one of those shows that started off interesting and then kind of lost me. It’s on my list because. I want to give it another look, I wanted to give it another second chance.
It’s kind of like walking dead. The walking dead. I’m not sure where that streams on, but it was on my list for a while. Um, just shows that, you know, I want to pick back up again, walking dead, start out really interesting. Um, started out really amazing and then completely lost me and got really boring.
And that’s kind of how I feel about manifest. Uh, we’ll see. The next on my list is called unsolved mysteries. I know a lot of ladies out there especially are really big. A murder mystery. You know, kind of, uh, fans. And, uh, that’s really what I love and what I’m into. I love a good mystery. I love a good murder mystery podcast and the unsolved mysteries talking about real crimes about, um, basically just what it is, unsolved mysteries. It’s so interesting. And I just absolutely love it.
Amazing amazing. The next one on my list is called true story. Uh, I am not going to lie. I completely forgot what this, the shows. Oh, I do know it’s about. So, yes, your story is awesome. And it’s a little mini series with Kevin Hart and it’s where Kevin Hart doesn’t actually play. The funny guy really? I mean, he plays a funny guy kind of on.
In the show. Like kind of a meta thing, but he’s not. He’s not comedy in this show is kind of a more serious. Uh, drama, mystery show, which I really love. It was a really big switch up for Kevin Hart and I just was totally into it. Another show that I watched, um, I S it was cowboy bebop. I only watched the show because the, the new one that Netflix put out was so terrible.
It was just awful. Just utterly unwatchable. I’m not gonna lie. I’m sorry to everyone who’s involved, but it was unwatchable. And I remember everyone saying that just the, the, the. The animated, the original animated show was amazing. And I had to watch that. And so I was like, okay, I’m going to give it a shot.
Um, Give it a shot. I love cowboy bebop. Oh my God. What an amazing story. Uh, one piece story. It was amazing. Uh, not to be confused. The inmate show one piece. I don’t mean that. I mean, it was just a. Um, original one-off story. I just loved it. The next summer on my list is you’ll hear a lot of anime on here. It’s called be stars.
B stars. Um, I wouldn’t say it made the list because it just hit that interesting mark to me. Like, it was just enough interesting where I, I enjoyed like I’d come back and watch the next episode. It, but it barely made the list. It wasn’t that great. The next one on my list is flash. Um, on the CW flash.
I’m a big superhero fan. Um, but, uh, the flash. I’d say the first two seasons were amazing. And then this is another one of those shows that just kind of got boring and late in lost me. Unfortunately. Um, so maybe I’ll pick it back up again and see kind of what happened, but I prefer kind of looking at clips online for now. It just, it got really boring, but it does make the list because the first two episodes were really great.
Supernatural. Is the next on my list. Everyone loves supernatural. Right? It’s one of those shows that lasted so long can just, it’s kind of like in a way, truthfully, it’s kind of like the office. You know how you put on the office? It doesn’t matter what show or immune, what episode it’s on. You can just start it and enjoy yourself. That’s kinda how i feel about supernatural i put on an episode i really like it um and um i have a good time watching the show i wouldn’t say it’s the best thing i’ve ever watched but it is a really. A really good show.
The next thing on my list is going to be you. Everybody knows you. You. I’m in following you for a while now. It’s amazing how good you look.
Oh, good. You.
Wasn’t that creepy. Um, no, I really love. Uh, I really love you. It’s a great show. Um, really creepy serial killer ish. I’m into those types of shows. Like it a
The other one is a dub show on Netflix, but it’s still really good. It’s called how to sell drugs online. Fast. I really liked the show. Um, it was a little. Quirky at times, but it, I really loved it and it’s dubbed. So if that doesn’t bother you or if it does bother you, then maybe it’s not for you. But, um, I really, really liked the show. Um, the other one was Lucifer. Everybody loves Lucifer show.
Um, I really love this show. It’s. And this is another one of those shows. That’s exactly the office you put on an episode. It doesn’t matter what episode you’re on. You’re just enjoying. You can watch it going to sleep. It’s just, it’s a nice show. To fall asleep too, but it’s also a really great show in general.
The ending of the show. The the finale and the way they ended, it made absolutely. No physical sense. No reasonable. Sense whatsoever. It, it, it, it, it baffled me. It made no sense. But overall good show. The next one’s altered carbon. I got to say altered carbon. It’s kind of a. No R D type of show. It’s kind of like a underground ish.
Type of show, like maybe you’d like it, maybe you wouldn’t kind of like a scifi thriller. I love it though. I’d say. Without a doubt. The first season is phenomenally better than the second. And there might be three seasons actually, but the first season is just. Almost poetry. It’s just phenomenal. I love it. If you ever want to get to, if you ever want to watch something a little unique and different.
Little dark Saifai altered carbon. Wow. The next one’s arrow arrow from the CW. Again, another superhero show. Um, I’m a fan of superhero shows. I really liked the show. Um, I like probably the first and second season the most, and then it got super boring. Just like the flash. Unfortunately I didn’t finish it all the way through.
And, um, You know, I. And to be honest with you, it might remove from my list because I don’t think I ever plan on finishing all the episodes. To be honest with you. So, uh, I’m gonna, I’m gonna call that, uh, a heater right down the middle. I’m not sure about that show. The other one’s mine, hunter.
Mine hunter phenomenally good show. It’s about two psychologists that interview serial killers, and try to get a read on them and try to figure out what’s the definition of serial killers mean. And. Get inside their psyche. It’s really, really interesting. And I love it. Um, they’re supposed to make another season eventually, who knows, but.
Uh, we’ll see. The other one is Queen’s gambit. Everyone loves Queen’s gambit. Right. A really, really great show. Um, it’s about a chess, which I’m not going to lie. It took. It took me a while to get on the show. ’cause I’m like. I don’t want to watch a show about chess. I hate fucking hate chess. It sounds boring. What a boring, it’s probably the most boring thing ever.
And it’s just a damn good written show. I’ll tell you what Netflix has a trend on just making one of the best shows ever. There’s movies. Absolutely suck. But there are shows I gathered good. The other one is called on my block. Comedy show a bit Corky. You know, bitten Nickelodeonish, but it’s really good drama show.
Um, The teen lovey drama. I mean, I just really love it. It’s a really funny. And. Um, dramatic show, but it’s hilarious. And I actually love the way the show ended. The other one, this one is a soup. Another one that’s super underground. It’s an animated show. It’s called a devil man. Cry, baby. This one is super out there. And I really, someone told me I was one of the best enemies and I tried to watch it. Um, and to be honest, it took me two times to really get into it. I, the first time I watched it, I was like, um, I’m not feeling this.
The second time I watched it. I, I, you know, I really got it. And then, um, I watched all the way through, I wouldn’t say it’s the best thing I’ve ever seen, but if you follow the story all the way through. I felt like. Yeah, that was an interesting story. That’s what I’ll say about it. It’s an interesting story.
If you like anime. I think he liked that show. The other one is probably a. Uh, cultural classic Jo Jo’s bizarre adventure, something that’s still going on to this day, Jo Jo’s bizarre adventure. Um, I’ll say something very, maybe unpopular, but it’s my full. Um,
It’s my full opinion. It will not ever be changed.
The first and second season of Jo Jo’s bizarre adventure is a masterpiece.
Anything after that is absolute garbage. Garbage. Just it lacks story. It lacks. Uh, meaning. It’s just. Nonsensical nonsense. Th it’s just trash. Absolute trash. The first two episodes of this. Of this show, a masterpiece. Masterpiece. Anything after that is just absolute garbage. So I highly recommend watching Jo Jo’s bizarre adventure, but I do not.
Recommend watching anything past the second season. Absolute trash. Um, the other thing on my Netflix list is called the originals. Um, spin off of the vampire diaries. I know what you’re thinking. Or you watch a vampire diaries. You know what I. To be honest with you. I, I did. And, um, I love the show.
And if I had to pick maybe I’m team Damon. Cause he’s really cool. But my favorite character is Klaus Michelson. Um, and just kind of the. The tortured soul, a nuance of him. I really loved it. Just the way I think he’s one of the best villains. On the, there was on television. Um, the way he played emotion and pain and anger.
And it was amazing and him having a daughter and they kind of resembled my situation at the time, not the vampire stuff, but obviously, but. Just, oh, it was amazing. I really loved it. I really loved that show the way it ended. I got to say the way, the way the originals ended was another one of those things where I felt like I’m not sure if that fully makes sense.
Um, You know, I felt like there would have been a way to save him. Didn’t make any sense. But it was beautiful. And sometimes an ending can be beautiful. And that makes sense. So, Um, the other one was a series of unfortunate events. The one of Jim Carrey, wasn’t really a big fan of, but the TV series on Netflix. Wow. What a great mystery show. I just really loved it.
Kinda got dark too. Um, the other one is probably one of my favorite inmate shows wall time. It’s Castlevania. Castlevania. Wow. What an amazing show again? About, uh, vampires and it was just. Ah, man, it’s about Dracula and, um, I just really loved it. It really dark though, really heavy, you know, but it was.
Amazing. There’s orgies, threesomes and vampires and drama and Dracula and blood and Gordon. You know, if. But throughout that all, it was a really good story. That’s what I loved about it. Amazing story. The other one on my list is called behind her eyes. Really great story mystery show, um, um, in.
With a, with a crazy ass twist. The other one on my list is high-rise invasion. This one is kind of like going to a movie. Where. You, you know, you ever see movies where a guy goes to a movies, just like action, boobs, cars, blah, blah, blah, blah. Um, it was kind of like that. And maybe it’s just because I’m a guy that I was into it, but it was a pretty good show. I’m not gonna lie.
It’s kind of a mystery, a. Dude type of show, but I liked it. Neither one is the other one should be deleted off my list, to be honest, the other ones legacies again, I was just talking about the originals. Um, a spinoff of the original says legacies is about Klaus Michaelson’s daughter. I tried to get into it and it just, um, and I’m going to delete it off my list right now. I just can not get into it. Can I it’s.
It’s not good. I didn’t like the story. I love the, I watched the last episode though, because class Michelson was in it and it was a beautiful ending. Um, Yeah, and I wanted to see more of that universe, but. You know, I always liked how they stayed somewhat in to kind of. Normalcy. Um, like vampires where Wolfson, whatever.
But once they introduced a genie into legacies. I was like, okay, you, you went way too far and I’m no longer interested. And, and to be honest with lost me and it was a little just. I did. I did not like here for it. The other one was too hot to handle. Everyone knows that show. It’s a big. Kind of.
I guess if we’re getting warmed up. About to have sex in bed. You watch too hot to handle, you know, It’s kind of just a, basically a hookup show. Um, the other one is an animated show called you Suki. Um, UCQ is interesting because the guy you Suki is actually a real life black samurai that actually lived.
A long, long time ago. And there’s a whole bunch of stories written about him. And there was a movie about him at one point. Animated show. I don’t think you’ll ever get a second season. I’m not sure if it got, if it did that well, but I thought the first season was actually really good. The other one is white. Gold. I forgot what the show’s about. What the hell is white gold about?
Oh, it was this kind of Britain show about this guy who who’s a really cool salesman. It’s about this British salesman who kind of, uh, kind of sells his way to the top. And he’s not the. Most ethical salesman there is, but you know, it’s a really good show. I don’t know how to sell that show to you, but it’s promise. I promise it’s good.
Haunting. On blind manner. I think everyone is familiar with the show. It’s basically a horror series, but it’s space and love and drama and mystery really love it. Um, the other one is Narcos. Everyone knows Narcos Pablo Escobar. The story’s there. I haven’t watched any of the seasons past Pablo Escobar? No, not for a particular reason. It’s just, I haven’t really been interested, but a.
Really good show. They, the ones called the Sandman, the Sandman just came out. I got to tell you, the salmon is one of the best written shows of all time. Um,
I don’t know if I’d go that far, but it’s really damn good show. I’ll tell you that the sixth episode of Sandman. With some of the best storytelling I’ve seen in years. Um, The show itself is great. Um, the other one is called Lupin. It’s about kind of a, uh, how would you call this a, um, a master fif um, uh, um,
Kind of, um, I don’t know, I’m mastering disguise. She’s a. It’s it’s, it’s a really great show. Um, and it’s very compelling and interesting. The next one is Messiah Messiah barely made lists because it, it just enough interest me enough to keep watching it. It’s about this guy who comes back thinking he’s Jesus and.
All these supposed miracles happen around him. Um, it got really boring at times and really good at times, and it just made the list for me to stay on. Because it was just interesting enough. The other one is Ozark. Everyone knows. Ozark is probably one of Netflix. Most popular shows. Basically about a money launderer guy has get mixed up in the cartel. Um, really great show. I loved it. The finale.
Or the series finale, uh, era not too long ago. And I just loved every bit of it. The other one’s called a ratchet. Ratchet’s a pretty interesting show. It’s about a nurse said basically commits murders and it was pretty interesting. The other one’s squid, Wayne, squid games, everyone knows good games. Um, I’m not someone who likes to ride the hype wave. So it took me a while to get on this show. But once I watched it, I realized why everyone loved it. Really good show.
Uh, another one is just a, my own personal favorite. Uh, it’s top UFO projects. I’m a big alien UFO guy. I like watching this show. Isn’t it. Cause I like Gaylene and I like. Believing that the real, and it was just interesting. The other one is innocent. It’s again, a dub show it’s about this guy who’s accused of a murder. It goes to prison.
And there’s a whole mystery. And a drama and, um, you know, a suspense that goes behind on whether he actually committed the murder or not. And things that go along with that. It was very interesting. It’s dubbed though, but it’s a really good show. The other one is another one of a, an animated show that I really love. And again, one of my favorite anime shows of all time, seven deadly sins.
Seven deadly sins. Oh my God. Well, what a great show I don’t have. There’s no bad season in the show. It’s just a really good show. A lot of fighting on action. A lot of blood. Really loved the show tremendously. Just a lot. Everyone’s eaten another anime show. I can’t remember what it’s really, to be honest, I can’t remember what’s about, but it’s a really good show. Apparently I’m looking at it and I.
I briefly remember it was kind of just about this. Um, what do you call that? What’s the word when it’s like post-apocalyptic or something like that. You’re a. Cyber punk or it’s like in the future, this. I don’t know. I don’t know what the word for it is. I think you guys aren’t talking about, but it’s a really good show.
Um, the other one is Eden zero, same type of deal, actually. I’m not into, to be honest with you, it’s really same type of deal, but it’s a really good futuristic show. I love it, everyone. Uh, no stranger things. That’s my next one. Stranger things love it. Eighties. Just, you know, I’m excited to see what happens next.
I want to Dracula. And I mean, just Dracula, just the titles called Dracula to Netflix animated or not flip, not animated. It’s Netflix series. It’s about how Dracula’s survives from maybe like the 18, 17 hundreds now to like 2020. And, uh, just such an interesting show. I really loved it all the way through.
Love death and robots. That is an anthology series. Every episode is something different in a really, uh, detailed animated form. Um, sometimes the animation doesn’t even look like animation. It looks just like real life and it’s just. In each episode is something different and creative and they’re just like short little stories and some of them are actually quite beautiful and interesting and shocking.
The other one is arcane. Arcane is like game of Thrones animated. And that was a really good show. I. It’s based off. Um, a game by the way, but Sergeant good show. I loved it. The other one is just. Uh, brand new, it’s called a gamer to tolerate. Guillermo Del Toro’s cabinet of curiosities as basically a horror series that just every episode is something different. Like I said before, with a love, death and robots.
Um, each episode is a different horror story and I just loved it. The other one is the Witcher that one’s based on a game. I actually just played that game not too long ago. Love it. Uh, the Witcher great show. Um, Saifai medieval, blah, blah, blah. Really good show. Everyone’s sexify with the fucking sex.
What is the show? Oh, I’d say it’s more of, kind of a female-based show. It was about just. College people experiencing. Saxon shit like that, but it was a really good show. And, uh, I feel like that’s all I got to say about that. The other one is record of Ragnar rock. Again, this is one of those shows where it’s kind of like going to the movies and.
It’s like the typical guy, that’s going to see a movie that’s like boobs, guns, robots. Uh, liquor, you know, um, that’s kinda what the show’s about. It’s about like how mortals are the best fighters in the world are fighting these gods. To see if human race can survive. Um, Um, so they have to go through like a battle of them. I don’t know how to describe it, but it’s really a show.
The umbrella academy, the umbrella academy is a really good show. It’s about like these time-traveling superheroes who. Just try to save the day on some random shit that happens. And there’s these timekeepers. I’m not explaining it really well, but. I that one, I it’s hard to explain, but it’s a really, really good show.
The finale of last season. It was questionable. But it was a really great show, dark desire, dark desires, another, but it’s this actually. Oh, dark desire. Especially a Spanish horny drama series, but there’s actually a really good. This is so much mysteries and that show it’s dubbed. Um, but it was a really good show and, um, but it’s, it’s very sexual, very, very sexual show.
The only one is ultra man, another animated series, really good, or just based on a guy who found some alien suits or whatever, and decided to be a super hero. Love it. Um, the other one is called the blood of Zeus. It’s about this, uh, it’s about Zeus’s son gang center earth. And tries to be the hero of earth and a rise above the gods. I love it.
Um, I love type of, I love medieval kind of ancient Greek stories. The other one is inside, man. There’s only four episodes of the show. I thought it was really good. It’s about a priest who does a lot of crimes and it’s about a guy who’s in jail for his wife’s murder, but he’s super smart and it looks like he regrets his wife’s murder and doesn’t.
I don’t know. It’s interesting. It’s a really good show. There’s only four episodes. It doesn’t make sense. There’s only four episodes, so it’s gets a weird. But it just came out really good show. Um, then one’s breaking bad. Everyone knows that one. Walter White drugs, meth lab. The other one is the Lincoln lawyer. Really good show. And it’s about a lawyer who it’s kind of like Lucifer, but.
W minus the supernatural stuff in, instead of being a detective, he’s a lawyer. Really good, Joe. No one’s grew the great pretender it’s about these con artists it’s and this is an animated show. It’s about these con artists that go through a whole bunch of shit to con people and. Um, it’s just a really, really good show.
Um, amazing story by the way. The other one is probably my favorite animated series of all time. The animate, my favorite it’d be it’s because the story is so amazing. It’s called death note. Everyone knows death note, you put your name in a book. Someone dies, you get the power of the gods in your hand or in a book.
Um, I think it’s one of the best well-written animated shows of all time. There’s a movie that came out that was absolutely trash. Um, but death note, my favorite animators of all time, the story, the mystery. Fucking amazing. The ending so beautiful. Super crooks. It’s basically these soup, basically these superheroes that turned super villains, but they’re not actually villains or anti.
Hero’s and, um, and, uh, you know, it’s about these crooks and they’re trying to get away with crimes and there’s this guy who’s like Superman, and he’s trying to. Um, outsmart. Everyone is so interesting. I love it. The other one is called inventing Anna. Uh, everyone knows that show. It’s about this girl from, uh, New York who cons everyone to believing she’s a Russian emperor and starts a business ends up failing and she gets caught and then goes to jail and blah, blah, blah.
The other one is called hero mask. It’s about this detective. It’s an animated show that, uh, it’s about the, yes. I don’t know how to describe the show. It’s about a detective who just goes through a whole bunch of shit to try to prove that he’s right. And it’s such a good show. They don’t want to travelers travelers is another Netflix show. That just is fucking amazing. It’s about these time travelers that go back in time to try to fix things and make sure that the world doesn’t.
The world isn’t destroyed in their future. A really good show. The other one’s black Amir. But everyone knows black mirror. It’s an anthology episodes of different Twilight zone type shit. Really good. And then one is BoJack horseman, BoJack horseman, and that’s the final one on my list, by the way, for my Netflix.
List is. It’s a show that really.
It’s a show that really is. It’s true and dear to my heart because. Is it it’s a comedy animated show, but it deals with real shit. It deals with real problems and depression. And, and it just kinda shows you how to deal with depression. Shows what depression looks like. And. How to face it and it teaches you lessons kind of along the way, too, when it’s really deep and heartbreaking at times. And it can be sad at times. It can be funny at times. And.
Oh, man. I love BoJack horseman. Um, so that’s it. That’s my Netflix list. And I’m over the next couple of months or so we’ll event. We’ll do we’ll pop it another bonus episode to talk about. Another streaming service will go to HBO. Max will go to Hulu Disney, and I’ll talk about my lists on each one of those. And, um, I’ll make these kind of the little fun bonus episodes for you guys.
That kind of switched it up when I’m feeling kind of too stressed to talk about the real shit in life. You know what I mean? So, uh, yeah, so I hope you guys liked that this little switch up and, uh, I hope. That, uh, some of the descriptions I gave on my Netflix list, uh, is something that you’d watch with a partner or a friend or a date, or just watch on your own because they’re fucking good. I promise you.
Um, so the next thing I’ll do is I’ll move into the next segment of my podcast, which is called mailbag. And I’ll just be reading off some of the questions or concerns or. Um, just general comments that you guys had for, um, the shell. So if you have a question that you want to be answered on the show,
All you have to do is email me at hello at Vinpac. Dot org. And in the subject line type of mailbag and type in your question. And if you want a guaranteed question, read. I can’t, I can’t guarantee they’ll read all of the questions by email, but if you want a guaranteed. Um, question read. Then go to our Patrion it’s Patrion, uh, slash.
Uh, the single father podcast. And there’s different tiers. You can join. I can get I’ll shout out your names at the end of the episode, and maybe you can guaranteed. Uh, get one of your questions answered. So without further ado, let’s go into mailbag. And this one’s coming from. Uh, non-US. If you had to go back and change anything from your past relating to your daughter, what would you do? Um,
Good question. What would I change? Well, it depends on kind of what you’re asking. You’re asking, what would I change in general about the situation or just with my daughter? I wouldn’t change anything about my daughter or there’s things that I wish that I. I mean as a parent sometimes. Especially as a single parent, you can kind of just snap sometimes and be like, God damn it.
Well, blah, blah, blah, blah. And, um, you know, I, I think about it every time that, you know, um, She’s away from me about maybe some, something that I said, and I feel bad. And I’m like, ah, maybe I should just be more calm. And, uh, that’s one thing that I’m really trying to accept in my life right now, especially with my daughter is to.
Let things go and let it. Just let things be as they be. Meaning, if you know, she spills water on my floor and pretends it’s a pool. Yeah, I’m going to be like, yeah, don’t do that. But am I going to freak out? No. You know what I mean? If she knocked something over and I have to clean it up later.
I’m not going to freak out. You know what I mean? It’s. I’m I’m now learning that I should just kind of let things be. And. Just chill out. You know, she’s only four years old. She’s a toddler. She’s going to do stupid shit. Just chill out, but what would I change in general? I’m not sure. Um, my friend just called me on less long ago, you know, asking you advice about, uh, his child since he’s having, uh, um,
Uh, a kid himself, um, and. I thought. You know, maybe one of the things I wish I did was just be all in with her mother, just to kind of see what would happen. You know, and maybe I didn’t up in the same position. Maybe we’ve still ended up not liking each other. Um, but you know, there was a lot of reasons that her and I, uh, not didn’t work out and we, I couldn’t get there emotionally, but sometimes I wonder what happened if I just really went all in and tried, would I be in the same position?
Um, but I don’t dwell on it because what happened happened, and I feel like everything happened for a reason. And. Here I am. And, uh, yeah. So. Let’s add. Uh, next question from anonymous. So what are the one, uh, sorry, I messed that up. Well, what’s some of the things that you do to calm your daughter down when she’s angry.
Um, well, we do a lot of. Take a deep breath. So I say Layla. Take a deep breath. And sometimes she she’s so emotional where she’s like I can’t and she cries and she’s. Really trying and she’s working herself up and she cries and blah, blah, blah. And she’s like, I’m like Layla, Layla. And I put my hand on her chest.
And I just say I’m here. Take a deep breath. I’m right here, baby. Take a deep breath. And eventually. And she’ll calm down. She’ll take a deep breath. And we’ll do a couple of those together. And then she’ll be okay. Um, And that kind of goes back to the question a little bit. It is. I try to calm myself down near too, because if she’s upset and I’m upset.
It’s like a tornado means a volcano. You know, it doesn’t work. So, um, I try to just relax and put my hand on our chest and say, take a deep breath. And usually that works. Um, she’s really good at. Um,
Hold on. I say she’s really good at. Making sure that she herself is okay. Um, so yeah. Um, next question from anonymous. How was your Thanksgiving? I think saving was really good. Um, we’ll talk more about that. Um, Next episode. There’s a lot of things that happen after Thanksgiving. Um, I think just having family around and it being the holidays, you.
You know, you always end up with some emotions and, um, Um, we’ll definitely talk about it, but. Thanksgiving itself. It was really good. I got to spend it with my daughter. And, um, I had a good time. I really did. And I cooked. I cooked this whole time. I cooked everything by myself for my family. I went to Costco and got a whole bunch of stuff. I warmed up the oven and made a Turkey. I made Mac and cheese. I mean, games I made.
Um, green beans. I mean everything by myself and I cooked for my whole family and it felt really good. And I think I’m going to keep that tradition for my daughter every, every year. I’ll try to host Thanksgiving at my house. And I think there’ll be a really nice treat. Just a sort of family tradition like that.
Um,
Anyways. Um, sorry. I thought I saw, I thought I heard something in my house and I got not frightened, but I was like, Hmm. How did that slip by me? That someone came at my house and robbed me without me knowing anyways. Um, next question. What.
All right. That’s an inappropriate question. I, uh,
I wish I could share that one. I cannot, um, What the fuck. Uh, next question. What would you do differently if you were together with someone right now, instead of being a single father? Uh, I don’t know what you mean by that. Where you, what would I do differently with the podcast or would I do differently in life?
Um, I’ll answer both questions. What I do differently with the podcast? Well, obviously, uh, well it depends that also kind of depends what you mean. If it was when I was. If me and her mother never broke up, or if I was with someone. Since Dane one, um, there probably would be no single father podcast, to be honest with you.
Um, but what I do differently if I had someone now, um, probably nothing. I think the person that I’m with would be understanding of the title, being what it is. And, um, Um, I would try to integrate our relationship. Um, within the podcast as much as possible. But, you know, in life, nothing is ever certain. So what I changed the name of my podcast, just because I have a girlfriend.
I, I really wouldn’t. Um, so what would I do differently? If I had a girl in my life in general, like I said, I don’t think the podcast would exist. But, uh,
I don’t know, I’d be having. More. Money to spend, I guess I’m not sure. Uh, what happened with that girl? There’s another question. What happened with that girl that you were dating? Not too long ago? Um, the girl I was dating just recently, actually, she.
She.
Hm. No, but I think we’ve moved a little fast. Um, And I think that contributed to why we’re not together, but you know, I’m not sure if she really wanted to be a step-mom in this totally understandable because. Um, Well, number one, I wasn’t really asking to be a step-mom, but you know, when you’re thinking about.
When you’re my age, 27, 28. And you’re thinking about the rest of your life. You got to decide, but you know, what do you really want? And I’m not sure if she really wanted. A kid in her relationship. Um, because yeah, I mean, I will admit when you’re dating me, you are accepting that there was another kid.
Well, there is a kid within this relationship as well. Um, and it doesn’t have to be right away, but you know, you have to accept that. And I don’t think that she was ready to accept that. And, um, And that’s that I wish her all the best. It didn’t last long. Um, so it didn’t really bug me too much.
I’m sad to say and it respectfully, but. Oh, wow. Um, Yeah.
Next question is what do you use for your podcast? Um, like what hosting platform I use speaker. Um, I feel like, uh, oh, you did. You did. At the end there, he says, what do you use for your podcast? Do you use anchor? Um, I do not use anchor. I used to use anchor and, um, nothing against anchor it.
It’s not really a great podcast to make a lot of money on. To be honest with you. So, um, And to kind of monetize yourself. And I feel like speaker was a better platform to do that for me. And. Whether it’s speed. Excuse me, whether it’s speaker or wherever I go next. I’m not sure. But right now I’m happy. And, um, it’s a really good platform for me to release episodes on.
Um, next question.
Do you see yourself doing this full-time ever. Yeah. I mean, um, I’ve been asked this before many different way. Um, when it comes to my goals, um, The goals I have for the podcast is to grow and to monetize into ask you guys to like subscribe and share and to grow my audience. And eventually I feel like I could do this full time.
I’m, you know, I’m not sure I’m not in the position to do it right now, but, uh, you know, I’m always looking at new creative options and. Ideas and how to grow, um, the podcast. So if you want to support the podcast in any way, um, go to Patrion, uh, slash the single father podcast, and you can just support the podcast for like $5 a month. Price of a cup of coffee.
Um, and it will allow us to grow and create better episodes and get amazing guests on the show and et cetera, et cetera. So, uh, um, yeah. All right. Next, next question. Um, have you ever, have you ever invited a guest on your show? And they said, no, uh, Yes, I have. Um, I had someone that I really, really wanted on my show and I felt like it was reasonable for them to do it. And they did say now,
And I’m not sure why. Um, we were negotiating for awhile on. I just, uh, um, I don’t want to go too much into it, but yeah, they did say now, and I don’t want to say who, because. Maybe I can still get them on one day. Um, we’ll see. Uh, all right. A couple more questions. I’m going to rapid-fire here.
Um, what do you look forward to woman? Um, what do I look for in a woman? Um, just really someone who is done earth can, can, um, I mean, you know, Um, I, I’m not gonna lie to you. I will get a little vulnerable here. There’s this song that I really love and it’s called lend me your voice. And it’s by this movie that I really like let’s see, lend me your voice.
By bell, the movie’s called bell. I think it’s on HBO, max. Um, and it’s a song about a girl just saying, um, You know, just let me in, let me. Help you, you can tell me everything that you wouldn’t tell anyone else. I’m here for you and I love you. And I just. It’s it sounds sappy, but it’s really kind of everything I wanted to hear.
From a woman, you know, I just felt like. Sometimes I’m like, uh, Um, a broken hearted man, just kind of walking around and waiting for a woman to put me back together. Um, and, and listen, I’m not, that doesn’t mean. I’m looking for a mommy by any means, right? But I really would like a partner who can accept me for who I am and.
Laugh with me and be there for me. Let me vent to them. Like I went to you guys and I just, there’s something beautiful about having someone who can just look at your soul and be there for you, you know, look at your soul and just accept. The love that’s in your heart and someone who can just look at your soul and just say, I love you.
I think there’s something so amazing about that. And. Um, I dunno, let’s get, let’s going way deep, but really I’m just looking for a girl who’s cool and funny and, um, makes me laugh. And I get along with blah, blah, blah. The usual stuff. Um, let’s see the next question. Why do you think you’re not in a relationship right now? Um, I don’t know.
Uh, yeah.
Uh, next question. Um,
This one is inappropriate. All right. Uh, I’m going to answer just a few few more here. Um, um, I, do you plan on getting, ever getting a cohost. Uh, I answered this question before. Um, I don’t think it really makes sense for me to get a co-host right now. It would depend on what that looks like. Uh, but the way my schedule is and things like that, um,
I think, I think the brand is myself. Um, there will be opportunities for people to vent with me on the podcast, for sure, but through Patrion, but, um, as far as the cohost, I think. I think the brand really just kind of fits me as of right now. So, um, never say never, but I think as of right now,
I’m pretty content where it’s at. Um, next question. Uh, let’s see here. I answered that one, answered that one answer. Uh, I think we’re good for right now. Yeah, so guys, thank you very much for being a. Subscriber. For listening. For supporting me.
For. Just. Being there for me. I love doing this. I love venting with you guys. And please like subscribe, share this episode. Comment, leave a review. And just click that five star review. It just really helps me in the podcast and allows us to grow and all that good stuff. Check out our Patrion. If you want to support us, if you want to support the podcast, just $5 a month, that’s all it takes. It’s amazing. And I’ll shout out your name at the end of every episode.
Um, that’s all it takes. Really. It just started just launched the Patrion. So just check it out. Um, visit our shop. Let’s check out some merch that we have on the podcast. So shop.men pact. packed.org. Um, you can look at, uh, our stuff on Facebook and Instagram, which is just at the single father podcast. Make sure you follow us there.
Um, thank you guys so much for just 📍 allowing me to vent with you. And, uh, yeah, until next time. I’m your host, Kendall Docker, AKA father DZ. And, uh, Let’s spend together. Soon. Bye-bye
The Single Father Podcast is brought to you by VentPack. Visit VentPack.org for show notes and more information on the company’s mission to combat challenges of single fatherhood with resources, digital products and mental health support.
Welcome to the Single Father Podcast. I am your host, Kendall Donker. This podcast is dedicated for anyone out there who’s dealing with mental health and fatherhood. You’ll hear about my struggles, my defeats, my victories, my highs, my lows, my triumphs, my tribulations, and everything in between. I like to call this a collection of journal entries into my struggle and adapting to single fatherhood.
Without further ado, let’s take a look inside my journal, the Single Father Podcast. Well, hello ladies and gentlemen, and otherwise, it is your host, father Dizzy, aka Kendall Donker, giving you another episode of The Single Father Podcast. Uh, thank you for joining me on today’s episode. I gotta tell you right off the bat, my gosh, was it such a hard effort to release.
I had a bunch of technical difficulties, um, shooting this episode. Um, you know, our wifis just wasn’t syncing up with each other, so my producers went through hell trying you know, edit this episode and get it released to you guys. Um, but you know, I enjoy the episode very much. Um, the sound quality is iffy at times, but when you really listen to honey, What she’s saying ends up just being a really amazing episode.
Um, and we kind of really get into it. We get into the weeds of, well, first of all, I should just say my guest on today’s episode is Honey Maxwell TikTok star, content creator. Um, probably a future model. She is wonderful to speak to, really open and candid. Um, she didn’t hold back on any of her answers.
Wasn’t uncomfortable. It was a really natural flowing conversation, which I really love. Um, and you know, like I said, we get into the weeds of it. We got into relationship issues. We got to ex-boyfriend issues, we got. Um, you know, mental health issues. We really spoke about a lot and had a really long conversation and, uh, I enjoyed it thoroughly.
Um, and, uh, we recorded the episode quite a while ago, but, um, you know, again, my producers were working on it. I was working on it and then I kind of went on a little vacation and finally I got the episode released. But yeah, it was a long awaited project that I’m really happy about and, um, I’m just happy for you guys to get to know.
She’s an amazing person and, uh, like I said, I hopefully a good friend now. I, I really enjoyed speaking with her. I’m gonna shoot her a message, uh, right after I record this actually. But, uh, you know, just a little housekeeping right off the back. Um, I released a Patreon, so you guys are familiar with Patreon.
Um, I’d love for you guys to be a patron. Um, you know, check out our Patreon at uh, pat.com/the single Father podcast. There’s a couple tiers you can. Uh, for $5 a month, just a price of a cup of coffee. You can support the podcast to make sure that we have opportunities to grow and bring more guests in the show and just keep everything functioning.
I mean, like I said, it’s the price of a cup of coffee. If you guys want to, you know, support the podcast, if you like what you hear, if you’re here for honey, that’s fine. If you want to stay and stick around, I speak about relationships mental. Fatherhood really some good stuff, but it allows the op opportunity for us to continue growing.
Um, another tier is, you know, you could be a guest on the podcast. Um, you could, we could have a little venting session together. All you gotta do is, uh, join that Patreon. Um, you can email me at hello@ventveak.org. Tell me what you want to talk about and I’ll get you on the, on the podcast. Um, you know, but, uh, just to clarify, I’m holding, you know, appropriate and relevant topics.
Um, it can be anything you wanna talk about, but just keep that in mind. We’re not gonna, um, go into, you know, crazy left fields. But, um, I would love to have you guys as a guest on the podcast. And of course at the end of the show, I’ll do, uh, ask me anything. Um, all you gotta do is, uh, email me@helloeventpac.org.
Um, and, uh, That segment of our podcast is called Mail Bag. All you gotta do is in the subject line type mail bag and ask the question that you want to answer or that you want answered. I’ll answer on the show anonymously or not. And, uh, yeah. Um, so yeah, join the Patreon. Check it out. I’ll shout out some of your names at the end of each, um, at the end of each show.
Um, it’s, it is really good stuff. So check that out. Um, also, uh, make sure you follow us on our social media. Um, it’s pretty much everywhere. It’s a single father podcast. Um, Facebook, Instagram. We have a single father podcast, uh, shop, which is really, really cool. I’ve been working on, uh, I’ve been working on the shop on Spotify.
A lot of cool stuff on there. It’s just shop.vpac.org. Um, check it out, check out some merch. I’d be happy for you guys to rock the merch. Um, if you post the merch on your, uh, social media, tag me in it. I’ll post you on my accounts. Um, so yeah, um, some good stuff there. So guys, without further ado, I think.
Let’s just get right into it. Um, I’ve had a long vacation and I’m ready to get back into the venting season with you guys. So without further ado, thank you for allowing me to vent with you.
What’s been going on? What you been up to today? Um, well I was actually yesterday. . So I work as a nanny for my sister. Um, so yesterday her and her husband went to Disneyland with some friends, and then today they asked me to join them, to go basically up to the mountains to go eat and stuff and just have like a family day together. So I went and did that today and damn, that’s about. As, as of today. But that sounds like, sounds super fun though.
Well thank you for joining me on the Single Father Podcast again.
I have Honey Maxwell here. She is content creator on TikTok. Um, probably self-proclaimed model because she’s so gorgeous. Um, how long have you been working for Victoria’s Secret, by the way? Just asking. I wish I was, but I’m not. Yeah. Thank you though. Um, . Well, I had a lot of people writing into me about you specifically and asking when I can get you on the show.
I tried and I got her. Um, tell me a little bit about you and your background and just kind of where you’re from and things like that. So I am from which, Okay. Well first of all, I would just like to, That’s crazy that people have come to you asking for me, because that’s just absurd to me. Like I don’t understand that.
But thank you. Um, so I live in California. I’ve lived here since I was like four. Um, I grew up in a smaller town, but my parents just recently moved to like the next bigger town over, uh, but have been basically living in a small town since like I was four. Not much goes on. There’s a lot of cows. Cause I live in the Central Valley.
Um, in California. In California. Maybe I’m, maybe I’m just oblivious to California. I just don’t imagine California having a lot of cows. Oh yeah. So interesting. So I say California and people are like, Oh, you’re from la. No. Right, right. I’m actually, that’s what I think. Yeah. Like. I think I’m like, like I’m like three hours away from la, but like Really?
Yeah. So people I’m closer to like Fresno. A lot of people have heard of Fresno, but I don’t live. I have heard of Fresno. Yes. Yeah, so I don’t live, live in Fresno. I live 45 minutes away from Fresno, which is smaller. So I’m like, a lot of people don’t know where my town is, and I’m like, Well, yeah, nobody really hears of it.
So I just, I usually say I’m just from Fresno because it’s the next biggest city. So you lie, but that’s okay. Yeah. Cause I mean, like, I’ll, I’ll tell ’em like where I’m from and they’re like, Where’s that? It’s like, Okay, well I’m from Fresno. And they’re like, Oh, okay. Yeah. So that gives ’em like a general idea.
Um, but yeah, I love it. I live here with, uh, my family. Like my entire family is basically here, so we just keep each other company and stuff. Yeah. You know, side note, I, I thought you had a kid at first because you’re always posting. Toddler. Yeah. On your, on your social media, but it’s your niece, is that correct?
Yes. So I don’t have kids of my own. A lot of people have asked me that, like, do the dms. They’re like, Is that your kid? I’m like, No. Like, it kind of is like, I would, I like to say, Yeah, completely thought. I like to say that my sister’s kids are my kids, but they’re not. I, I have two nieces, but I mm-hmm. have taken care of.
Just like they are my own kids. Like when my sister’s on her own or they need like the extra hand, I’m there, Which is why my sister hired me to be her nanny because she doesn’t trust daycares and stuff. So when she asked me, I was like, Yeah, I’m all for it. Like why not, you know? . Yeah, a hundred percent.
Yeah. A hundred percent. So I understand that fact though, when I was, when I had, uh, my kid and when I was looking at different daycares and things like that, it was very much kind of hard for me to entrust in someone. Mm-hmm. , you know what I mean? With your child. Yeah. And I wish I had a lot of like, Family around me.
The, the only family I really have that could be able to watch my daughter is, she’s like my, it’s my nana and she’s like 72. Oh, okay. And surprisingly, I don’t trust her to watch my daughter. . But that’s definitely like, that’s just a parent thing. And I understand that, you know, Nah.
No, it’s just because she does like suspicious things like She’ll, She does, she’s very traditional. She’ll like, let me put some alcohol in her gums when she was, you know, a younger and teething, which is, you think it’s normal, but I’m like, Ah, not really, but that. But it’s kind of the amount of alcohol that she put on the , the tissue , questionable.
It’s comfortable. Yeah, it was very questionable. Anyways, I wanted to ask you like, what, uh, what made you kind of start with TikTok? Because you are very popular. I know you say it’s hard to believe, um, that people would request you, but I did have a lot of requests from you.
And, you know, looking at your prop, your profile, I, it’s kind of hard to believe. You wouldn’t think people would regress you to be honest. Okay. So I it’s so funny that you asked, So I started TikTok, I didn’t have a TikTok for the longest time. Like I didn’t hop on the, the, the trend of like the app cuz like what TikTok came out when, um, like Covid hit kind of, you know.
Yeah. Yeah. Um, and my sister. She was like, Oh, download TikTok so I can send you videos and stuff. And I was like, No, I don’t want another like social media app, like on my phone. I don’t want it. Um, definitely ended up downloading it like months after that and had my account for like a little while, but never really posted anything.
And the things that I did post were just like things when I was bored. Um, at that time I was living with a boyfriend who ex now, but I was living with a boyfriend. We had had an apartment together and all that stuff. Um, we ended up breaking up, but I remember telling him, When we were together and I created my TikTok account, I was like, Don’t mess up.
I was like, Don’t mess up because one day I’m gonna blow up on TikTok and you’re not gonna be able to run away from me and you’re gonna see me everywhere. And I would joke about it, like, and look at you. I would joke about it like that. And then, um, , it was, I mean, it was a joke and. I didn’t really mean it seriously, but I really did not start posting until after he and I had broken up, and then my very first, Because you wanted to prove that shit, right?
You wanted to prove that shit. You’re like, Fuck you, I’m gonna blow up. Yeah. I guess I was doing it to prove him like a point or something. I don’t know if I was just being petty Yeah. Or whatnot. But I really was doing it just like for fun. Like after we broke up, because I had moved back home. I left everything that, like, I built up for like, with him moved back home and I was like, Well damn, Like now what?
And so I got bored and I started, you know, like playing around on TikTok. And then I guess, yeah, a little in a, in a way I was being a little petty, but the, my very first viral video that like blew up was just me talking shit. Like I just like allowing and. I posted it. Was it the one, I’m sorry, but what is it?
Was it the one where you’re like, I was with this dude and he answered the phone and some bitch Was there? Something like that? Yeah. No, no, I saw that one. See, that was my most recent one. And that was just a random dream. Yeah. Uh, my very first viral TikTok video was, if you scroll all the way down, like it’s all the way at the bottom.
I’m talking like, this was like last year around September, I wanna say. Yeah. And it was, It was, and I, I said, I was like, I came here to say one thing and one thing only. It’s like, Do what? Take it, how you will do with it, what you will. I said, um, What was it? It was like if his homies cheat, he also cheat.
Have a nice day and then I cut the camera and then I post. Dang. And that one was just for funsies. Oh, it was just for funsies. But I was also throwing shake because I really hated my ex’s friends. Like I hated most of ’em. Um, and I posted it and I was just like, whatever that one’s like, kind of funny. I thought it was funny.
That one was just for like shits and giggles. And then next thing I know that is funny. Next thing I know, it was like blowing up. Like I checked my phone like 10 minutes later and it was already like starting to like climax and I was like, What just happened? Like I did not even, I didn’t expect it to blow up the way that it did, but it did after that one, and then after that I was like, Wow, that’s kind of crazy
That’s kinda, Would you say the takeaway lesson is if you want to blow up talk shit about your exes, would you say that’s the takeaway? No, that’s not even the takeaway. I would just say, just post this stuff . Cause all of the like, Yeah, you can cause it people. People, um, like relatable things, you know, people like relatable things.
Yeah, absolutely. That one. Absolutely. I got a lot of tension from men too, who were like, Oh, you’re just insecure, da da da. And I was like, I said, Take, take it as you will. Like, if you’re mad about it, Absolutely mad about it. Right. Um, so then you’re doing some shit, obviously. Yeah. So it was, with that one, I was kind of just like, Well, I don’t really care what anybody has to say.
This is just for my experience, which is why I said take it how you will. Um, But I would just say like if you’re posting on TikTok and you’re posting just content and stuff, it’s, it’s very good to be just authentic and yourself, cuz that’s, that’s some shit I would say around my friend group. Like, that’s, that’s just stuff that I would say.
So if you wanna Absolutely, if you wanna like build your content, you want to be able to just really just be yourself, because that’s what’s gonna attract, like people that are like you and you want to have an audience. Can relate to you because if you can’t find a, an audience that can relate to you, you’re gonna get like a bunch of different weird people.
Well, I mean, and it’s fine. I completely agree. You know, like some people are more negative than others and you don’t really want that. So the, the key is to just really be yourself and let the people that are like you find you. That’s, that’s what I’ve think about you. You, you know what I really love about your, your TikTok though, and kind of.
Persona in, in general is your, I feel like you are really authentic because, you know, it, it’s, everyone’s experienced this going like scrolling through TikTok and you see the same person doing the same video a million times in a row. And I’m like, Okay, that’s, you know, it’s cool and I, I get it and there is an audience for that, but I think there’s more of an audience for authenticity and doing something different.
Like, you know, the first person to do something, You know what I’m saying? And I feel like. You kind of have that vibe to you where it’s, it’s authentic. I don’t see you really following everyone else’s trend. I feel like you just, you’re, you’re doing your own thing, which I really love about you. Thank you so much.
Um, there was, I’ve seen a lot of stuff on TikTok that like try to help people grow their TikTok and a lot of ’em are like, you wanna build a niche, like stick to a niche, stick with that like, you know, format. Yeah. I can’t do. I’m one of those people that I can’t really do the trends. Like there, there will be some trends where I’m like, Oh, that’s really cool.
And then I can’t put myself into that trend because I literally can’t relate to it. You know what I mean? And it’s not that I’m gonna try to force myself like there’s like trending sounds. Some of ’em, which I really love, I can’t do just because I’m like, well, I’m not gonna make something up to try to relate to that because that’s not really, Yeah.
You know, like that’s not, that’s kind of fake and I don’t really wanna do. So the whole pick a niche thing, like try to follow a format like it, it wasn’t for me. I, I did that in the beginning of my ticks and like some of them did well, but I feel like the more that I did ticks, the more that I would speak and just be myself on camera.
That’s the ones that like really blew up and people would interact more to it. So I like that better. Oh yeah. I Authenticity wins every time, all the. Every time. So I, I completely agree with you. Oh, well, one of the things I was gonna ask you though, and you know what my podcast is about, talking about, you know, mental health relationships and so on and so forth, uh, is reading in between the lines, it seems like you, are you like you’re single now?
Yes. Yeah, I am. and, and I’m just, I’m just gonna, I’m just gonna be blunt. It seems like your ex was, was he a cheater? Yeah. Uh, yeah. . I, Okay. So , it was, the situation was complicated. Um, I do take responsibility for, for the way that I handled things, just because it would’ve been easier to leave. You know, there’s always that, well, you should have just left.
And I’ve heard that so many times before and it’s like, you’re right, I should have left, but I didn’t, and these were the consequences of me not leaving. And so you, so you took ’em back the first time, is what you’re saying? I did. Mm-hmm. because it was just a lot, but I mean, there was a lot of love there, so it was like, well, if you’re really sorry, yeah, you can work on it, but.
Well, how long were you guys dating for, uh, before he cheated or like throughout the entire relationship?
uh, . Before he cheated. Before he cheated before. I don’t even remember. I wanna say we were together for a year before he cheated. We were together for a year, like a solid year. Okay. Well, I don’t wanna say that makes sense, but I will say that, you know, if you built up something with someone, you’re living with them.
Right. And then, And which I think, by the way, and I don’t know him so I can say that it’s disrespectful on his end. Okay. He’s living with you. Okay, but people aren’t living and uh, that’s what I’m saying, the comp the situation. Okay, gotcha. But like, there was still a lot of love there and I was like, okay, well if you really, we really wanna make this work, then fine.
I’ll give you, you know, another chance, whatever. Um, but yeah, go on . Go on. Still the connection we were together for. Well, I, you know what I mean? It was like a year. Yeah. A little. Yeah, there is a lot. It was a hiccup, but was it one of those things where, you know how you see those girls who are kind of like, which I don’t know if I agree with or not, but they’re like, What would you do if it was like the, the like first month of you guys dating, he cheated on you and he admitted it to you and now you guys are a year in.
And I was like, The first month, that would be easier to get over. Or was it something like you guys were deep in and he still fucked? Like, Which was it for you? Yeah, it was like we were deep in and like he fucked up and I was, I was kind of like, Whoa, damn. Yeah. I was like, well damn. Like. If, if he had cheated like sooner, like say a month in, I would’ve, it would’ve been easier to leave.
I’ve been like, I don’t wanna play games like that. And obviously if you’re gonna be doing that already a month in, like what could you do later on? You know what I mean? Yeah. So that’s how I, how I looked at it. Absolutely. Um, but a year in, I was like, Do I really, Can we like, is it real? Are we really gonna throw that away?
And he, he did the thing where it was. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Like things like that, like he really did aol and I thought he was being very genuine with his apology, and he did the things that was like, I promise, like I’ll change and I’ll do better, and like I won’t let it happen again.
Like, and for a little while it was really good, like for a little while. You know, he really did try to work on things, but I think it was just, it, it, it got really toxic. Like after that. Wow. So like it, unfortunately I’m drinking wine and not tea. But tell me the tea. So like did, how did you find out? Was it there?
Was he upfront or did you just find out? Okay, so here is where it gets complicated. So how big have you’ve seen friends, Have you seen friends? The show friends. Okay, so Rachel and Ross were on a break. The break. Exactly. So what? They were on a break. Okay. So that’s kind of what happened in my situation. So, Oh, so he had asked for a break.
Right. But in the very beginning of our relationship, , we had talked about breaks being in a relationship and he was always very set on, right? I don’t believe in breaks, like what are breaks in a relationship, like if we’re in it together, like we’re gonna work through whatever, like there are no taking breaks.
So right later on in the relationship, he asked for a break and I threw that in his face and I said, Why do you wanna break? You told me you don’t believe in those, so why are you asking for one now? And Right. I tried to be as understanding as I could and he said like, you know, it’s just things are like too much for me.
I just need some time. Like alone, da da da da. Which was funny because like we weren’t living together. He was living in Fresno and I was living like 45 minutes away. So it was like, this is kind of odd, but I’m gonna respect you and like give you that because this is what you’re asking of me. And I tried to be as supportive as I could be.
You know, being a girlfriend. So I said, Yeah, you know, like, take whatever mental breaks you need, like whatever. Um, he told me, he was like, I’m not doing this because I wanna sleep with other people. That was red flag number one, cuz I had not even brought that up. But he brought it up himself, right? He, he brought it up.
He brought it up and I said, Okay. Like, okay, I’m full trust. Like whatever, do what you gotta do. I think the break lasted like a solid three days. So he had slept with a girl like within the first night of breaking up with me, or the second night of breaking up with me and then came back, like drove to my house and came back like devastated.
And I was just like, What is going on with you? And he was like, I’m so sorry. Like, I don’t wanna break. Like I It’s you. It’s only you. Like, like it’s, I don’t know what I was thinking. Like, I swear, like I, I realized like, if it’s not you, like I don’t want to just sleep around with like random bitches and da da da da.
And I was like, he brought that out again, like just randomly. And I said, Well, so did you sleep with someone? And he goes, No, no, it’s nothing like that. But I’m just saying. And I was like, Okay. I was like, , but you ain’t dumb. But honey marshal ain’t dumb. Stupid. All right. I wasn’t stupid. Like I caught that.
Yeah. And so he said that and then, um, he drove me back to his apartment. He was living with his sisters at the time. Like they all shared an apartment together. But he drove me back there. And we were supposed to go out with like a couple of friends that night, the night that we got back together after like being on a break for three days.
And I get to his apartment and I swear like this was like the most mind blowing shit that I’d ever experienced in my entire life. So I walk into his room and like the bed’s like made, but like messy made. and I’m putting my stuff down and I see a condom wrapper on his dresser. And then I see a pillow, oh my God, a pillow stuffed, um, between his bed frame and the wall.
And then I opened up his drawer and it was a picture frame that I had created a collage of pictures of us tucked inside his sock drawer. And I, Oh my God was shaking. I was. What the is this? And he was like, No, it’s not what it looks like. I swear. I said, Why is there a pillow right there? Like, what does that do here?
Yeah. I was like, And why is our picture put away? I was like, And what is this condom wrapper doing on your dresser? And he was like, First, he was like, First let me go shower. And I . I was like, Shower, you wanna go shower? I was like, You have all this evidence right in front of me and you wanna go shower? So whatever.
He goes and showers and I’m like freaking out in his bedroom and like at this point I’m like shaking and crying, just pissed. Cause I already know. I already know. So I’m gonna ask him. Obviously he gets out of the shower and I go, What, what is going on? What did you do? I was like, What did you do? And he was like, No, I was using the condom to like, you know, like, like basically like please himself.
But he was using the, and I was like, Beat us meat. And I was like, You’re a effing liar. I was like, You’re lying right now. I was like, How are you gonna sit here and lie me? I was like, there’s no, there’s literally a pillow like tucked between your bed frame and your wall and our pictures put away. I was like, How are you gonna sit here and lie to me and just be honest.
And he was like, tried to go with that lie for like, I don’t even know how long, like a good solid 10 minutes before I started just like going in on him like, What the fuck did you like, I mean, I was going crazy. And um, he then finally said it and he was like, Yes, okay, yeah, I slept with somebody else. And I was like, Okay.
I was like, You’re trash. I was like, I cannot fucking believe you. I was like, You’re a liar and you’re cheating. You’re a snake. And he was like, Well, we were on a break. I was like, Bro, but you literally said that you weren’t gonna do this on the break. I was like, So you’re not a cheater, but you’re a fucking liar and that maybe that’s worse.
I was like, That’s worse, and you’re sitting here lying about it. Um, yeah, and then I asked who it was because I had an idea about who it was, and I think. Oh shit. I kind of knew who it was because there was this girl from his workplace that was like messaging him and I would tell him like, I don’t, that’s not comfortable with me.
I was like, Take her off cuz like she was on his Snapchat and I was like, take her off. So he did. And then one day I was on his Snapchat cuz we were on it together. Yeah, yeah. He had me. He handed me his phone and like she was right back there, like in his chat screen, and I was like, What is she doing back there?
Why is she there? Like, if you had already told me you took her off, She’s like, Oh, well maybe like, she added me back and then took her off in front of me. Um, so that night that, that happened, I was like, Well, who did you sleep with? And he was like, Nobody that, you know, like it was just random. Like, I downloaded Tinder and da da da da.
I was like, So you’re telling me. You downloaded Tinder and found a girl in like two seconds. I was like, That’s no. I was like, Let’s be fucking real. I was like, That’s not what. And he was like, No, I swear, like it was somebody from Tinder, like, I don’t even know her, da da da da. I was like, Alright. Like, just sitting there trying, trying let, letting him think that I believed it, um, the entire time I knew who it was, uh, but I was trying to let him, so it was that girl.
I didn’t, he didn’t confess to it until like, maybe like three months later because he was having. Mental breakdown and anxiety and da, da da. And he decided to tell me, like, finally tell me who it was. In the middle of us hanging out with my family, like we were all hanging out with my family and in my living room, in my house, just randomly hanging out.
And he sat down and he was having like a panic attack and he sat down, he goes, I’m so sorry. And I was like, Where is this come from? And he was like, I, I lied to you and you know who it is. I was like, What are you talking about? He’s like, The girl that I slept with, you know who it is? And I was like, No, I don’t.
I was like, He told me it was a girl from Tinder. He was like, Honey, you know who it is. It was the girl from work and we were sitting on the couch and he was telling this to me quietly. Well, my entire family was like in the living room and I . I started laughing. Oh my God. I started laughing. I was like, This is the worst fucking possible time to be telling me this shit.
So I was laughing and I was like, Yeah. I was like, Honestly. I was like, You can go fuck yourself. And I was laughing and he got up from the couch and went to my room and cried or something. And I remember walking . I remember walking into my room and comforting him because I was. This is so fucking bizarre, but like you’re literally having a mental breakdown.
I did. I was comforting him the entire time throughout the entire process. Like it was me trying to comfort him and all that shit, and I was just like, Oh my gosh, what the fuck am I doing here? So like the, to the, the toxicity came after all of that. Like I really, I wanna say that I really try to make things work after.
I got Honey Maxwell here again on the Single Father podcast. I was talking to her. We lost a little, uh, uh, connection there, but she was basically telling me how she basically, she got manipulated into babysit. A baby. Really? She, she had manipulated into like dating a baby a child. Yeah. Um, which is pretty awful.
And I think the last, the last thing you said there was you were going into your room and you had to, basically comfort him after you just admitted to cheating on you if the woman that you knew. Yeah. Which is awful. And we, we, we can get off the subject soon, but I just wanted to like point out how just awful that is and how he sounds like a, a typical fuckboy.
Horrible . It was horrible. And the funny thing is about that though, is that I didn’t tell anybody, Like, I did not tell a single soul that that happened. Um, so I was keeping it all to myself trying to deal with it Really? Yes. On my own. And it drove me insane. Like, it literally drove me crazy because he didn’t really want me to tell anybody, obviously, because they would be like, Honey, leave him.
Um, so I kept it to myself and I tried to deal with it on my own. And for the longest time, it literally just drove me mad and he knew that it drove me mad, like I started acting like a psycho person. Um, and when I finally, when things finally ended between us, I finally told like my best friend, like my best friend that I tell everything to, I didn’t tell her.
And so when we ended the relationship, I finally told her and she just looked at me and she was like, You’ve been going through all that on your own, and you didn’t tell me. And I was like, because I knew what everybody would say. You, everybody would tell me to leave him. And I wasn’t ready yet. I was like, I, I, I guess I wasn’t ready.
And I didn’t want anybody to know, He didn’t want me to tell anybody. So I did. And she just, the, the amount of pain that she had for me when I told her was like sickening, Like it broke my own heart again all over again when I had to tell her and. Her what? After I told everybody, they kind of just looked at me and they were like, I can’t believe you went through all that.
And I was like, Yeah, well, the shit you do for love, I guess, But yeah. But did it crazy? Did it kind of, did it kind of empower you when you finally said, Okay, this is enough? Like, did you feel good about it? Like, did you feel like, okay, this is, this is what always needed to happen? Yeah, like the night, the night that I left, that story was crazy to you.
Like I’m telling you, the entire relationship after me finding out that he had slept with the person, he literally told me not to worry about It changed the relationship in a way where it was. We had bad days that were really, really, really, really bad and we would just not leave each other alone. And then we had really, really, really good days that made it seem like, okay, this is definitely worth fighting for.
But the bad days, um, started to outweigh all the good stuff, um, towards the end. And I think that’s what made me finally, finally like, go. And the, the night that I left, that story was insane. And I tell it to people when they ask and I’m, They . They’re like, What the hell? And I’m like, Yeah. But I mean, when I finally, finally left it, it did take some time for me to like be certain of that decision.
Cuz there was still a part of me that was like, Well, what if this isn’t right? What if I’m supposed to stay and fight for it? Um, and that lasted for maybe like a month or two after like me actually leaving. Um, but when it was all done, I think it was, it was really just, I was like, I’m never going back to that ever.
Like ever. No, no. I, But you watch shit, You ever Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. That sounds just completely awful. Um, and so it sounds like your, your ex there was having like a little panic attack, but have you ever had struggles with like, mental health or anxiety attacks before in the past or I, I have had, So it, in high school, I’m 23 now, so this was like years I want to say. Um, in high school, I wanna say my freshman year, I started, started getting really, really bad anxiety. Um, I was, even, even as a kid though, I was always kind of like a very shy, nervous kid. Like no matter what I did, I was always kind of nervous.
But when high school came around, it really liked, it, really peaked it, and it peaked in a way that was so uncomfortable. And I don’t really understand how I did any things, any of the things that I did do in high school because I had such bad anxiety. But I really went through a lot of depression too. Um, oh, at one point I like begged my parents to let me go on home studies because I could not deal with the fact that I had to go up, like get up every day out of bed and go to school.
Like, it just really, put a dent in a lot of things. Like I was so unhappy with it all and I, I begged my parents, I was like, Please let me go like on home studies. And they, they were so against it cuz they worked a lot. So they were like, No, because like, we can’t be here for you, like when you’re home by yourself, like teaching yourself things and da da da.
And I was like, Okay. So I really pushed through, but for as long as I can remember, since high school, I dealt with really bad anxiety and depression. Um, even before, What were you, what were you depressed about though? Like, when you say like, I just can’t deal with it all. What, what was, what were the things that you couldn’t deal with?
See, that’s the thing. I don’t have like real answers for that. Like, I, so I tell people this all the time and it’s like, it’s, it was that type of thing where it was like, you don’t really know where it’s coming from because I didn’t have a bad life. Like, I didn’t grow up like, you know, in an abusive household or anything.
Like, there was no real, like, right, um, like tangible reason for me to feel the way that I felt. It was just, it just, that’s how I felt. Um, and even explaining that to my parents for the longest time because they knew that I, there was something off and they couldn’t really understand it. So they would always ask me like, What can we do to help you?
Like, how are you feeling? Why are you feeling this way? And I didn’t have answers. And it, it caused like a really bad breakdown for me at one point. And my parents were so confused and they, they felt sorry because they didn’t know what they could do to help me. Um, they, they ended up like having me try, try out therapy and go to a therapist, and I went for like three sessions and then I said, No, it’s fine.
Like, I don’t wanna be like that. Like, I don’t need it. Like, I’ll fix myself or whatever. Um, and it took a long, it took a long time because I didn’t go back to therapy after those three sessions, and I just kept feeling the way that I felt for the longest time. Um, and eventually, eventually I just had to sort through my own shit.
Like, I really had to sit down with myself and be like, Okay, well what’s really going on here? Uh, before I finally like, dug myself out of it, I, I would say that I’m not as depressed now. Like, I don’t really feel the way that I once felt. Um, and I’m, and I’m not very anxious either. Like some days. Have more anxiety than other days.
But normally I’m like, Okay. But I went through that in high school and there, there was no explanation for it. There wasn’t a real solid reason for me to be like, Oh yeah, this is why I’m feeling like this, or whatever. It was just one of those things that just came up and, and I, I couldn’t really explain it.
I get like that all the time where you just kind of don’t even know really why you’re depressed. You’re just kind of like, Hey, I think I’m depressed this week. You know what I mean? Yeah. Um, and you really can’t point, like you could say, Oh, I think it’s this, but then you really don’t know. Mm-hmm. , I, I completely get what you mean.
But what, what was the deal with therapy though? Why didn’t you like it? Was it just the person, Was it the, the, like was it just the fact that you’re going to therapy that you didn’t like? Well, what about that was kind of like unappealing to you? Yeah, So I had a really bad attitude , um, when I was a teenager, , like really bad.
Like it was. It was so bad that my parents were just like, Okay, she can do whatever she wants cuz we’re not gonna deal with it if she like goes off. Um, and I reflect back on that now and I think about the times that I did go to therapy for those three sessions and I was so stubborn cuz I didn’t want to be helped.
Like, I wasn’t ready for someone to come in and say, Here are all the things like that you need to work on. Because like, initially that’s exactly what it was like, now that I look back on it, like I was just so unhappy with myself, I think. And when I, when my parents said therapy, I was like, What the f I was like, I’m not gonna go.
I ended up going just to see like, if that would help them feel better. Cause I really did feel like shit for making them feel like shit for not being able to help me. So I went hoping like, oh, like, you know, like, maybe, maybe this will make them feel better, make like, let them see that I’m like, I’m, I want to get better.
But I really wasn’t in. In a place of like, like readiness to get the help. So when I went and I sat down with the lady, I was like so stubborn. I didn’t say a word. We sat there for like an hour. We had like an hour session and she was like, Okay, just let’s just talk. And I said, Okay. And stop there. and did not say a word.
And I was like, I don’t really want to do this. Like, it wasn’t, my attitude was like, I’m, I don’t need this. Like, I don’t need therapy. Like I’m fine. Is what it was. Like my brain switched and I was like, I don’t actually need this. Like, I don’t wanna be here. Um, I ended up going twice after that first session and this like the second time I talked a little bit more.
And the third time I did talk a little bit more and I was like, Okay, maybe I can do this. Like maybe, maybe this is a good thing. And then my brain switched back and I was like, Actually no, I don’t need it. Like, I can fix myself. It’s fine. So then I didn’t go back and then I started doing things with things like on my own, or at least I tried to, I was in a rut there for a little while, if I’m gonna be honest with you.
Yeah. But those were all personal decisions, like there I had, so every person in my family like tried to help me and I was not ready to receive help yet. and that’s what it came down to. I just wasn’t ready. I thought I didn’t need it, like I could do it on my own. Um, I was very against like listening to others’ advice because I was like, You don’t really know though, like you don’t know what I’m going through, so how can you give me advice?
That was the mindset that I had, um, for the longest time. I get it. So yeah. I get it completely. It, it’s interesting cuz when you feel like that, you kind of feel like, Well, listen, I, I, I really, I really do, uh, like connect with you on that because I remember when I was going through therapy a little bit as a teenager, kind of the similar situation, but like, I was like, Dude, I don’t want to do this.
Like, you don’t really know what I’m going through. I feel awful and I don’t really, really want to talk to you. Yeah. You know what I mean? I don’t wanna talk to some stranger. Yeah. Who’s saying like, these are the things that’s wrong with you. Yeah. And although I do support therapy, like I get what I completely get what you’re saying because like, it’s like, Yeah.
I don’t wanna talk to some stranger, I don’t wanna talk to anyone, period. Mm-hmm. , you know what I mean? Yeah. It’s kinda, I I I get it. And you’re just kinda like a little ang I was a pretty bad teenager myself. Like I, I was kind of , just angry and just, I don’t know. You think that you’re right about, and it’s only until you get older you’re like, Yeah, maybe, Maybe they were right a little bit.
Yeah. , you know, that’s, that was me for the longest time, so I get it. And now that you’re living with your family though, do you feel like your family was. I mean, were they instrumental in your kind of anxiety or depression, or do they really help you in kind of figuring that out? What, what? Like are you close with them or No?
Oh, I’m so close with them. Like my family and I like when people who don’t come from like close families come to my house and see how my family is together. They’re kind of like, What is happening here? Like, they get confused. Yeah. Um, yeah. And they’re like, What? And I’m like, This is just how we are. Like, we’re all friends.
Like, yes, he’s my dad, but he’s also a buddy. And yes, he’s my mom, but also we like to talk shit like, like that’s how my family is. Like we’re just very close. Um, we weren’t always like that. Mm-hmm. obviously no. Family is perfect, but we all really grew into it and we all, I don’t know, I guess since, since getting older, we all kind of just started trying to under understand each other.
And so, yeah, like now we’re all just like a Brady Bunch. Like that’s what we call ourselves. Like there’s not much of us, but like, we’re really a Brady. Like we’re so close. It’s kind of insane. I love that. I love that. Really. I really do. I no, I, I get what you mean because sometimes I feel jealous when I go over at people’s houses and their families are all like together or whatever, you know?
Yeah. And then it is kind of like, Wow, I really admire and, and want that. And it’s something that I really strive for with my daughter as well. Cuz, cuz I mean, obviously I’m a single father mm-hmm. and, um, uh, I share custody with my daughter, but one of the things I really kinda strive for is to make her feel like she can tell me anything.
Like, we’re like, we’re best friends, basically, you know? Yeah. It’s very important. It scares me sometimes because she can really, like, you know, she can scare me like she yells at me , but, um, she, you know, I really do want to make her feel like we’re, we’re just best friends. Yeah. And I, That’s what, what you described is exactly what I want.
Yes. I hope, I hope it’s like that. And then, and your, your dad is kinda like that too, from what I gather, right? He’s really supportive. Yes. And you can feel like you could tell him anything? Oh, yeah. Um, like, like I said, we weren’t always like that for, for a long time. My parents were very like into work, Like they just worked a lot.
Um, so being able to talk to him wasn’t really like one of those things that my sisters and I would do just because they worked so much and they were always so stressed out about like, you know, just parenting things, you know? And I, my sisters and I really like relied on each other growing up. Um, but now that my parents are older and that it was us girls have gotten older, we’ve all kind of, I guess my parents realize like, Oh shit, like, my kids like, need me more than just like to be, you know, like someone who puts the roof over their heads and puts food on the table.
Like, we really need to be like their friends. Like we need to be someone that they can come to and stuff like that. Um, so I don’t know. Somewhere along the way my parents just like, Switched roles instead of just being like working parents. They were just like, everything they turned out to be everything that like a kid would really want.
It’s kind of weird to say that because growing up I really looked up to my parents, but they, it was hard to like talk about things with them. Um, so yeah, so it was, it was kind of weird growing up, but not in a bad way. Just in a way that I felt like I couldn’t really communicate my feelings and they’d like actually listen.
Uh, but now that we’re all older, when I tell them things and I talk to ’em, they sit there and they’re like, Okay, well yeah. Like I get that. Like this was what I did when I was a kid and like, you’re about that same age. So like, what do you think you could do? And, you know, they, they help advise more now, I would say.
Um, but it did take work from my end. My sister’s ends, their ends like, it, it really takes everybody to wanna make it work that way and not just like one person, you know what I mean? So I should quit my job is basically what you’re saying. No, no, no, no, because my parents still work. My parents still work a lot.
Um, they, they’re very hard workers. Um, but like, like I said, like growing up, like they worked so much. Like I really rarely ever saw my mother. Like she worked all the time and my dad was the dad that, that would cook dinner, you know, clean, clean up the kitchen and stuff, and like make sure we were in bed, showered and like, he did all like the motherly things.
I would wanna say, like , he did all the motherly things because his job was, was like, he would wake up at three in the morning and then be home by the time we got off for school. But my mom, she worked like, like wow. Six in the morning and then wouldn’t get home until like after we were already in bed because of curfew.
So it was kind of like that. Um, so they worked a lot and they tried to be there. Uh, my dad was very present though. He’s very present. Like he, because his job allowed him to like, you know, call off days and stuff and he would be there for every freaking, like, field trip. Every, you know, my mom was there for all the awards ceremonies, like, I love it.
They did, they did their parts. Both of them did what they could with what they had, um, is what it was. But I don’t know. I feel like somewhere along the way I was just very, I was very, like, I don’t wanna, I saw how much they worked for us girls to give us everything that we could possibly have. And I felt like, I guess I felt as a kid, like I don’t wanna burden them with like, feelings, like my feelings to say, Hey, mom and dad, like, I’m sad about this because like, just because I’m sad about it, but like, you guys are already doing the best that you can as parents.
Like, I didn’t really, I think maybe that’s where it comes from because I didn’t wanna just add another load to like things. Things that they were already doing. Right. And be like, Hey, by the way, there’s this though. And it’s like, I just didn’t want them to feel bad because I felt like something was off.
Even though I, like, they’re doing things the best they could, I think is what it is. Well, listen, that’s the burden for every parent is you work hard to take care of your family, but you don’t have any time to spend with them. Yeah. So it’s nice that like, at a, at a older age, you are able to get that with them and be so close.
Yeah. Um, but I am compelled to ask you though, like, you know, angry teenager dealing with anxiety and depression. If you weren’t going to therapy, how did you deal with those things and kind of overcome that a little bit? So, I , I went about going, doing things the way that I wanted to do them. I kept my bad attitude.
I kept, you know, I don’t, it was just, it was awful. Like I look back at it now and. It was horrible. Uh, my sister said one thing, , my sister, my oldest sister, and she was like the rebel out of all of us girls. Like I would say. She was like, she really, she really. But, um, anyways, you putting her on blast. She like, she’s great though now. Like she learned through like with her stuff and all the things that she did. And so with me, I was like, Well, I wanna do whatever I want. And so my attitude is my attitude and no one can change me. And I just had that mentality. But one day she told me one thing that really fucking hurt my feelings.
And I was like, All right, you gotta cut this shit. You gotta figure out what’s going on with you because this is not okay. She sat, she didn’t even sit me down, she kind of just like came to me and was like, Nobody fucking likes you because everybody has to walk on eggshells with you and nobody likes a person like that.
And she was like, So if you don’t wanna change yourself, well then you can just be by yourself for the rest of your life, because nobody’s gonna deal with it. . And I was like, Oh, that hurt me so much. And I was like, You gotta figure it out. Like, and you gotta figure it out fast because you’re losing your sisters.
And I think, and like my parents were like scared of me and my attitude and it was kind of just like an ugly feeling after that. And after that I was kind of just like, All right, you need to, you need to shut the fuck up and just sit with yourself for a little while and just figure it out. Like really figure it out.
Yeah. So that’s what I did. Like, I just, I toned it down, you know, like I still had like a few outbursts here and there obviously, cause it was gonna fix itself overnight. Um, but I really sat down and was like, Alright bro, like figure this out. Like re like recognize your triggers, what’s going on here? Like, why do you feel this, this way?
Like, and I sat there and I like, I got help from my brother-in-law as well though cuz he’s a very, I would say he’s wise, he’s very intelligent. He read, he reads a lot of books. . So when he, because he asked you if you were alive recently, right? Yeah, yeah. He asked me, He was like, Are you alive? And I was like, Brad, I don’t even know if I’m like a human being.
Um, but he, he , but he’s like very, he’s very intelligent and I don’t, like, I don’t even everybody that meets him loves him because he is like the wisest person that we know. You can go to him for anything and he’ll have advice to give you, or he’ll have a story to tell you that will lead you to the right, the right way.
I don’t, it’s, it’s crazy, but I got a lot of help from him. Um, and again, this is because I wanted help. I finally wanted to get better. I wanted to feel better. I didn’t want to continue like being the way that I was. Um, and he was very, he was very, um, like gentle with it all. He was, he would say like, Hey, I know sometimes people don’t want help, but like, if you ever finally want help, like let me know I can help you.
Like he and he would put that out there. Yeah, he would understand that. You know, like, I wasn’t ready to be helped yet, but then he, he let me know like, when you’re ready, like, I’m here to help you. Like we can talk, you can talk about whatever. I’ll sit and I’ll listen. You know? Um, so right. So it was him and my oldest sister that really, really kind of like, didn’t push me, but they really encouraged me.
Like, I can, I don’t have to be like that. And they knew cuz they knew I was with them all the time. Like they were the people that I hung out with the most, I wanna say apart from like my school friends and stuff. But they really knew who I was, like deep down. And they knew that I, I wasn’t just the, the angry honey with the bad attitude.
Like they knew that wasn’t really me. Um, so they really helped encourage me to like figure out what the hell is going on. So you can not feel like that anymore. and not be like that anymore. I, I feel like in a way, like you knew that wasn’t you too, right? Yes. Like you, you’re, you’re kinda like, you know, this isn’t me.
Yeah. And you wanted to get better. Yeah, I did. Um, I was, yeah, and that’s really inspiring. You gotta, you have to recognize it within yourself is, I would say, because for the longest time, like I knew that wasn’t who I was and it’s not the person that I wanted to be either. But I, something just made me very angry, and I like switched roles because growing up as a kid, like I was, I was a sweetheart.
Like all my teachers would always be like, Oh, Honey’s like one of the nicest students. Like, she helps others, you know, she’s very caring, honest, and yada, yada, yada. Um, and I don’t, I really don’t know like where the rules switched for me, but like, I got to high school and I was just like angry all the time.
Um, and then eventually I was like, this is not even me. Like, it was like some sort of like crazy facade or whatever that was going on, but like, I. It was like, this is, It was tiring too. It was like, it was like exhausting, like being the mean girl or like being mean to everybody. Oh yeah. So I was like, I enough is enough.
It, it’s so interesting you say that too, because I feel like we have very similar situations, but yet very different at the same time. Like, I remember when I was in high school, my parents were getting a divorce and things like that. Mm-hmm. , I was just so angry at the world and I was kinda like angry at just everyone around me.
Mm-hmm. , you know what I mean? And like I had, I had to go to foster care for a day and I think that pissed me off. And, and when I got to college I felt like I was really just kind of this asshole. Like I, and which is a lot of reason why I do this podcast in general is cuz I feel like people got a, people got to see a version of me that wasn’t really myself.
Mm-hmm. . It was kind of like the, it was kind of like just the angry version of myself, you know, just angry. And I had something so similar where this girl that I was, um, uh, very familiar with, she comes up to me one day and just like, Dude, kind exactly what your sister told you. It was like, Dude, you’re, you’re, this isn’t good.
Like, you know, no one’s really vibing with kind of the personality that you have and who you are becoming and things like that. And it su it. When I say it hurt my feelings. I mean, it really is. It breaks your heart. Hurt hurt me. Poor. Yeah. Yeah, it did. You know, cuz you always think that, but you don’t want someone to Yeah.
And someone finally said that and you’re like, Fuck. Like, damn. Like, yeah. I’m like, ouch. Mm-hmm. , you know, and you wanna get angry, but you’re like, Dude, you, you know. Yeah. Um, and I, and I, and I really had to make a change. You know, it takes time for people to kind of, um, you know, cause I always say this, I know some people who saw me in college.
Maybe your opinion of me is set in stone, but for others, you know, there’s more of me at to see. And it’s kind of just seeing a different side of someone because you never really know what someone’s going through. Mm-hmm. . And so the fact that you’re able to recognize that about yourself is, I think it’s, it’s so important.
It really is. Yeah. I totally get it. I mean, I feel the exact same way though, cuz like you say, people like in college might have perceived you like completely different because they saw only like the angry version of you. There’s probably a ton of people that look at me and think, Oh, she’s probably just a pitch for life because like, that’s who I was for so long, you know?
Um, people now though, probably see. And they’re like, Who the fuck is she? Because she’s like completely different. Like, I’m much lighter, like, like energy wise, um, than I used to be. You know what I mean? Like your energy definitely carries Absolutely. Like, I, it was very heavy, uh, for me growing, like, not growing up, but like in high school a lot.
I didn’t have like a big group of friends and stuff. And like the people who were outside of my friend group only ever saw like, Oh, don’t mess with honey. Like, she’s ki like, she kind of has an attitude and she’s kind of like one of those girls and stuff like that. Um, but like the people that really knew me mm-hmm.
knew that like, oh, she’s really not that bad. But like, that was just that hard shell that I had that was just like angry. And yeah, I do have an attitude. Don’t like make me use it, like stuff like that. Um, but now, now, yeah, now my mom looks at me and she’s like, You’re a completely different person. She’s like, you’re the little five year old that I remember that would run around the house just like.
Being sweet and like, you know, she’s like, you would really come back to yourself. That’s what my mom told me after, after like months of like trying to figure my shit out. Um, which was really nice to hear because I finally felt like, yeah, this is, this is really me. Like I’m not that mean person that is rude and like, has an attitude all the time.
Um, like I still can be like, I can be obviously to defend myself when need be, but like, that’s not who I am as a person. And so when that came from my mom, I was like, that feels good because now I really know, like someone, like I kind of felt it in myself that I was coming back home to me, but having someone say it to me was a real confirmation.
Like, yeah, I’m on the right path. And I’m, I’m like really putting in the work to like be who I am again. Oh yeah. So that was nice. Oh yeah. Cuz you can feel, Yeah. You, you, you can feel when you’re like, Okay, I’m, I’m getting back to who mm-hmm. I am. You know, you can feel that. Th That’s interesting though. I, I mean, it really is just to, to hear different perspective from, you know, your point of view, but being on tapes out though, where you put yourself out there.
Yeah. And I think you mentioned before, you know, you have some, there’s even some haters out there who say this and that. How do you deal with that? Because that’s just complete strangers. It, it is probably vulnerable. Putting yourself, yourself out there and saying, Okay, this is me. And having someone comment this or that, you know?
Yeah. I don’t really , I don’t, I don’t like to, like, I’ll obviously I see them, um, in the beginning stages of my TikTok. Uh, there were times where I would respond to some of them and just like have a sly like, remark back, like something really fucking mean. Yeah. Uh, just because that’s, but that’s my, that’s my personality too.
Like if someone says something to me, I always have like a very quick remark to say back and now, Yeah. My TikTok is kind of, I don’t want, I don’t know if I wanna say it’s growing, but it has more followers than it used to. I used to only have like 10 k. It’s growing. It’s like, yeah. So, so now when I get hate comments, like I’ll read through them and some of them are j, most of them actually are just angry men.
Um, which I don’t understand, cuz I’m like, I’m a 23 year old girl just talking shit on the internet. Like, why are you so, like, why are you really angry? Um, so I sit there and I, I think about it and I’m like, well, they must be going through their own insecurities to really feel a type of way. So like, I don’t bother responding back.
Like sometimes I do, if, if what I have to say is not that mean. Um, but most of the time I’ll hurt people. Yeah. So most of the time I just read it and I’m like, Whatever. Like you, I don’t know you, you don’t even know me. And most of the time I feel like they are receiving my TikTok tos, like completely wrong.
Anyways. Most of the shit that I post is like a joke, Like un, unless it’s being like dead serious, which usually I’m not, um, it’s just a joke. And if, if that, if it flies over your head, it flies over your head, I really have no control over how you perceive me. Um, so, and it’s none of my business really.
Like, you’ll put it out there on, on social media. People have their own opinions about you. I mean, people talk shit. Everybody talks shit. And it’s like, all right, like now what? Like, you talked your shit. Now what? Like, I , it’s not gonna change my day. You know what I mean? So I don’t really deal with it. I, I like to read them and laugh out loud.
Sure. But like, other than that, I don’t really engage anymore.
I I totally feel you. I I, I imagine it’s a different situation for me, I, I’m, I, I, I feel like I’m so busy. I’m not really on social media that much. Like I post what I have to post and then I kind of, You know, I kind of go back to whatever, but I imagine there’s a lot of different, Yeah.
Like you kind of said in man. Yeah. I imagine there’s some inappropriate comment. I imagine there’s like people just being, being addicted to be a dick. So it, But you’re saying it kind of, that’s like the lowest form of your like, worries. You don’t really care about that. Yeah. No, because like you watched the video anyways.
I’m like, you watched the video, now you’re commenting, if anything, you’re just gaining me more views. Yeah. So like, thank you for that. I mean, like the, the comment was, I like the comment ugly, but like you took your time to post it on there. So like that’s cool. Like, you know what I mean? Yeah. So it’s whatever.
Yeah. You’re like, I’m doing my job somehow on that. Yeah. Straight up. That’s exactly how I think of it. , I like that. I like that a lot. So, um, for any, um, cuz it seems like you’re really down to earth, really kind of like a, a person that people should, you know, look up to, if I may say, Oh, what, what, what is your advice for some, you know, young TikTok to creators who may be women?
Cause I don’t have that voice, right? Mm-hmm. , uh, maybe who women who. Or maybe experiencing some of that anxiety or angst about maybe posting online or about just dealing with mental health in general. Like, do you have something now that you do to kind of balance yourself out or, you know what I’m saying?
Yeah. So, okay. So I don’t know if this is gonna be on that topic, but I would just think about this the other day. Um, posting on social media, you think a lot about like, Oh, how are people going to perceive me? Like, what if they think this, or what if they think that? Or like, what if this video’s not good enough for like, people and they don’t like it, and yada, yada, yada.
Um, because I used to think like that too, posting or like my early post on TikTok or think like, Oh, well how are other people gonna see me? Like, is this gonna be something that I’ll like that, like this, You gotta do it for yourself is all I have to say. Like, it’s not, it’s not for anybody else really.
Yeah. It’s for, for. For yourself. Um, so I would just say like, the way people perceive you anyways is none of your business. Like, it’s not how you perceive yourself. How do you think of yourself, You know what I mean? So if you’re gonna do anything, do it for you. Um, the, the, it’s all about confidence. You gotta be confident, You gotta believe in yourself.
You gotta be confident in yourself, Uh, because people are gonna talk what, what everybody talks, you know, good, bad, whatever. You’re gonna find your people. Um, the haters are gonna hate, like, as cliche as that sounds, but it’s always there. Not everybody’s gonna love you, but that’s none of your business as long as you love yourself and you know, you just gotta do it for you.
Absolutely. Yeah. Amen. I love that. Thank you. I love that. So I’m, I’m gonna go into my next segment here, which is just helping me become less single
So I’m, I’m gonna ask you a few questions from a woman’s point of view Okay. And just kind of, if you can just gimme honest answer. Okay. So you, you’re a beautiful woman. What does it, what, what does a man do? What can a man do to gain your intentions besides not cheating? Good. Oh, that’s a tough one. I’m gonna be honest.
It, it . I get asked this question a lot actually, and I don’t really have an answer because for me, for me, it’s hard for me to find, like, to be like my atten. I don’t pay attention to things, you know what I mean? Um, no, like, that’s a hard one. Cuz guys don’t really, I would say in person, like a genuine, like in person connection is a thing, but you don’t wanna be like, Too, too pushy or something, You know what I mean?
Cause that can kind of come off as creepy. Right, Right. But social media wise, like I don’t, I’m not really flattered by like, you know, like compliments through the dms and stuff like that. Like, most of the time I ignore them. Ah, yeah. But that’s just me. Like the flag again, your dms, it’s like, it’s saying, um, maybe when I was younger, but like now, now it’s like, like, come on, like let’s be real.
Like, I’m a real human. , , I dunno. It’s kinda, let’s be real. It’s never gonna happen. Cause like, and most of the time it’s from people that are completely like, not in my, like area either. And I don’t, I, I don’t frown upon like long distance or online relationships. That’s not what I’m saying. But for me personally, it’s not really one of those things.
Like sometimes I’ll get compliments and I’ll, I’ll say thank you, but other than that it’s kind of just like, what else is there to go off of? Like, it’s not really for me, I would rather meet somebody. Yeah, exactly. I’ve heard all of it and it’s kind of like, now it’s boring. So I’m like, I’d rather meet someone organically at like a fucking farmer’s market or like at a coffee shop, as cliche as those sounds.
But like, that’s, that’s where I, I would rather meet someone, um, because social media is so fake and I feel. When if you go on my Instagram and you see me in on my Instagram, I feel like a lot of guys already have like an idea of me and it’s like probably way off than who I really am. So it’s kind of like when they message me, I kind of already have an idea of what they think I am, depending on the message they send me.
And it’s like, I’m probably not that girl anyway, so I’m not gonna bother. Like I can’t, I, you’re either gonna get let down or you’re gonna, I don’t know, but like, either way, I’m probably not the girl that you think that I am. Um, so I’m not gonna sit here and try to waste your time, you know what I mean?
Like I love it. I mean, yeah. Get it. . So super straight up. Uh, oh my God. Had me dying. Listen, you live in Jamaica. It’s not kinda, ok. So like for, for you though, if, if, well I mean you live in Vegas, so like, I’m sure like you could go anywhere and just randomly, organically meet someone and say, Oh, like. Even if, like, you go to your local coffee shop or the same coffee shop every single day and you see a really pretty girl and you see her every day and she goes there like all the time, like, I don’t know, like maybe like start a conversation.
See, see what kind of drinks she’s having, like coffee that she likes or something. I don’t know. I would rather meet someone like that than like, on social media, you know what I mean? I listen, I, I completely agree with you. Um, and yeah, I’ve, I, I’ve been trying more, so. Well, are you on, um, are you on, So you’re single, are you on any dating apps or anything?
Or anything? I don’t do dating apps. Uhuh? No. Okay. , I hear you. So, uh, I have been on some dating apps and I, uh, I want to ask what you think about this. I, this is a video that blew up for me is I put my opinion out there. Mm-hmm. , it’s just my opinion. I know some people are gonna, That’s okay, but I, I, this is my, So I’ll, I’ll match of someone.
And they’ll, and it’ll be great. And I’ll be like, Okay, let’s go out to coffee Friday, right? Because I want to get to know you in person. And like, that’s how you get to know someone. They’ll be like, Well, let’s, let’s text for a little bit before we go out to meet in person. And I don’t, I don’t vibe of that because I’m like, I can text you for a year too much.
Doesn’t matter, but I won’t really get to know you unless we’re in person. So like, I don’t get that. I don’t get like, let’s text for a long time before we actually decide to meet in person. I don’t vibe with that whatsoever. What do you think? Okay, so personally I don’t really like that either. Um, I will say that I’ve done that before for like with guys like in the past.
It’s like, Oh, well I’m not ready to meet yet. Like, let’s just text. Um, now that I look back on it, like personally for me, it was just a fear of meeting them. Like I. Like, I was kind of nervous. Oh yeah. To meet them. Um, so I would like that, that might be same case for those girls. Like just a fear of like having to actually meet someone.
Um, there’s, it’s a, there, I feel like there’s a lot of pressure. So is that more boredom? Like what do you think about that boredom? Like on their end? Like just wanting to text or what? Yeah, like are Yeah. They just wanting to talk or is it, is it just like, are you bored or are you generally like, kind of nervous and you just don’t wanna, You’re like, Oh, I want to vibe with, I wanna make sure I vibe a you through text before I vibe with I, I just don’t get the point.
Well, you know what I mean? Like, Yeah. I just wanna ask you. Well, I don’t know if it’s boredom. Um, I personally, I’m not a great texter. Like I get bored through text, but like, I’d rather hang out with someone and sit and talk with them. Um, For other people though. Yeah. I don’t know. Maybe it’s like, I really can’t say because.
It’s hard to say for like, speak on other people. I don’t really have knowledge on that. Like, maybe, maybe they just wanna feel your vibe like through text before they meet you. Cuz some people, some people like are weird, you know what I mean? Like, I’m not saying you’re weird, you seem pretty cool. Yeah, but I’m saying like other people, , other people can be weird.
Like, like you can meet someone on Tinder and like their profile seems really cool, but like the minute you meet them, they’re like a completely dis like different person. But that’s where like preconceived ideas Yeah. Of that person come from like, you already think there’s certain way based off their pictures and now you’re disappointed because they’re, they’re completely different in person.
That’s why I don’t do like dating apps and like dms and stuff like that. Everybody already has like a preconceived idea of you based on like what your profile says. And it’s hard, it’s hard to, like, it’s hard to even like go off of anything like that. It’s, it’s crazy. No, listen, uh, Jeffrey Dahmer ruined it for everyone else.
I get it. That’s, that’s another thing. Yeah. Fucking duh. God. That’s another thing. so I’m gonna ask you Okay. A couple of rapid fire questions. Okay. Just gimme your opinion. Um, what do you think about like, so me, my parents were really romantic with like, they got a divorce obviously, so I never really got to see like, you know, a perfect image.
So I always went off movies. But what do you think about, like for a first date? Do you, does a guy go huge romantic? I’m going balls to the wall. Bringing flowers all out? Or does, do you make it a little bit more chill? What would be kind of, Okay, so I’m a hopeless romantic. Um, I grew up watching my parents, like my dad would like, make like cute little dinner setups with candles and like crystal glass wine and like, like surprise my mom when she got home late, like on the weekends and stuff.
Like beautiful. Um, I also like really like Disney movies, like princesses, fairytales and all that. So like, personally for me, it doesn’t have to be anything big, but like, you know, like the whole flower gesture. Like that’s, that’s nice. A girl likes that. Like that will make her feel like, you know, I don’t know, it would make me feel like, Wow, this is cute.
Cuz like, most guys don’t do that. It’s not, it’s people say, Oh, that’s bare minimum. Um, not, well, it’s not anymore because like nobody does it. You know what I mean? So like, personally I would like that. Right. Um, but I’ve also dated guys that were like, perfect gentleman would open the door every single time.
I got into the car, would open the door, like for restaurants, like he would pull my seat out, like at the restaurant, make sure I was pushed in. Like, like that’s just me though. Like I’m a hopeless romantic. I like feeling like, you know, I like being in my feminine energy and having like a masculine be like, Okay, this is my role and I’m gonna do it.
And you can just sit there and look pretty and feel safe and feel comfortable. That’s just me though. That’s just me. Love it. That’s all. Agree. That’s, that’s just me. Um, no. Yeah. I’ve fucked with it. So I’m, I’m gonna take that to heart. , what do you, what do you feel about, um, what do you feel about, uh, sex on the first day?
I’ve never done it. I’ve, personally, for me, I’ve never done it just because, um, sex is like, it’s, it’s different. Like I’m one of those girls that can’t just have sex with anybody. Like I have to have like a connection there with them. Um, Have I, like, I’ve tried to like just do like, like the sneaky link thing or like casual sex or whatnot.
That happened with like two other guys and it didn’t work out for me. But even those guys, like I knew them for a long time. I feel like it never was like even those guys, like I knew them. Like one of ’em was like a friend for a while, and the other one, like, I’d known him like through school and stuff.
Um, and like, but there was like, it wasn’t even pleasurable because there was no like genuine connection where it was like, I care about this person. So it was kind of like, eh, like it’s not for, I realized that it wasn’t for me, so I don’t really, I wouldn’t have sex on the first day. I’ve never had sex on the first day.
I don’t think I would start now if I’m gonna be on it.
No, I, I completely get you. There is something weird about that, even for a guy, I will admit. Like if I ever had a stinky link or something, it’d be kind of different to be like, We’re just fucking compared to like, I actually really mean you and I like you and you know what I mean? There is a difference.
I agree with you. There’s not, not everybody’s like that. Um, what do you, what do you feel about, Um, no, not everyone’s not, and to be honest with you, I feel like, well, so here’s my question is like, do you feel like nice guys really do finish last? Cause you mentioned, oh, I dated a gentleman who pushed doors in for me and things like that.
But I always feel, I’ve always heard of like, the nicest guys always just get cheat. And I’m like, what is, what is this obsession with girls? So, okay, so , this might go on for a minute cuz I had a, this conversation with, um, with the last guy that I was just dating. Like, we were just, it wasn’t like official, but we were like going on dates and stuff.
Um, and I knew him from like high school. I, I dated him like we were boyfriend and girlfriend in high school and he was the nice guy. Um, and I ended up breaking up with him because I was not ready for a nice guy. And he always, and he switched up, he switched his roles, like now he’s like a player boy, yada, yada, yada.
Um, and I told him, I was like, Why did you change like that? Like why did you do that? And he was like, Well, the nice guys never get anywhere. He was like, You broke up with me. And I was like, Okay, well yeah, because I wasn’t ready for a nice guy. I was like, that doesn’t mean. You can go. And like I was like, I wasn’t ready for a night night.
I was like, That wasn’t your fault. I was like, That wasn’t you. That was a me thing. That literally was a me thing. I wasn’t ready for that. And he was like, That doesn’t make sense. But he was all girls like bad guys. It does, it doesn’t help explain to me, Okay, so girls will only accept the things that they believe they deserve.
And for the longest time, I only accepted half ass love because I didn’t fully love myself. So after this, after the full on two year relationship that I had that like completely went to shit, that’s when I realized like, what the fuck? Like obviously I didn’t love myself enough to continue a relationship like that.
So after I got out of it, I was like, Bro, like you gotta put poor love into yourself. Because if you can love a guy like that who did that to you, like why can’t you love yourself enough to accept a guy that’s willing to like go above and beyond for you? And that’s what I mean when girls aren’t ready.
Sometimes girls aren’t ready for the nice guy. And so the, that, the guy that I was just talking about, he was like, Girls like assholes, so I’m gonna be one. And I was like, All right, well girls only like assholes for so long and then they’re gonna fucking leave you guys alone and go find a fucking husband to marry.
I was like, and that’s when all the nice guys finish. I was like, when girls are, girls are finally ready to accept like a nice guy. Like they’re gonna, they will not settle for anything less than that nice guy. And that’s what I mean, like, it’s, it’s a crazy concept to think about, but that’s how I view it because that’s how I feel like I wasn’t ready for a nice guy because I dated the nice guy and he was the only nice guy that I dated.
And then after that it was kind of like, yeah, these guys were kind of nice, but they were like fake nice because like, cuz like they were only nice because I wanted them to do these things, but he did those things because he wanted to do those things. Do you know what I mean? . Like it’s different when you ask someone to do them for, and this, he just like did them for me because he wanted to, is what I mean.
And like there’s guys out there that are like that. But like, that doesn’t mean like, I’ve been on a few dates with like a few nice guys that like would do those things because they wanted to. Um, but like sometimes the connection’s just not there. Like we don’t click like we can’t be friends and I’d rather be friends first or at least get to know you on a friend level before, like being like in a relationship.
Cuz you can’t really, it’s hard to start relationships if you don’t really have a friendship like foundation cuz then it’s hard to be yourself. Like you don’t really know if you can be yourself. You don’t feel safe enough to, um, that’s just my opinion. No, I completely agree with you. Also, I mean, you heard it first for any nice guy out there, just wait, turn, right.
You don’t have to, This is what you saying. Well, like you don’t change. Like he changed like completely and I was just like, Don’t found it. I was like, Bro, that’s not you. And he knew it. It’s not him. Like that’s not who he is. And I was like, That’s not you. I was like, You’re not like, I was like, Let’s be real.
I was like, You’re more of a hopeless romantic than I am. I was like, Let’s be fucking for real. Yeah. And he was like, Yeah, but that never really got me anywhere. I was like, you didn’t even try to date anybody else after me. Like I was his first and only girlfriend. And like that ruined it for him apparently.
And I was like, That wasn’t your problem. So for the longest time I tried explaining this to him and um, after a while I think he kind of got that idea that like, yeah, the whole player thing is not for him. But I don’t think he was ready. But hear me out though. Did you, did you want him back after that?
Did you want him back knowing he was an asshole? I. Don’t know if I wanted him back. I, cuz we were friends even like in high school, like, even after I broke up with him. Like we kind, Yeah. Like he hated me for a little bit, but we ended up becoming friends like afterwards. Um, and we stayed friends like throughout high school or whatnot.
Yeah. Um, and then he, we obviously didn’t get reconnected until after my breakup, but like after my breakup we got reconnected and I was like, well, he’s always been my friend. And I always told him like, we would be friends. Um, but he lives a very different life than I do. Like he’s, he’s kind of like on the more like, uh, Spotlight scene.
Um, so it, it’s, he’s, he lived diff a different lifestyle, but he also, he, he changed a lot. And I understand why he changed, but I always told him, I was like, That’s not really you, but maybe it is you. Like, I don’t know. But like, the friendship, the bond that we had was Phil there. Like, we were very cl like, it’s not like my best friend, like he’s my best friend.
Um, so like, it’s not that I wanted him back, it’s that he did a lot of things that like, were very like, Wow, that was really nice. But he only did those things for me. So it was kind of like, it was kind of hard cuz like, I didn’t really want to fall for him because I knew he was a certain way, but it was like, it’s unconditional love for him.
Like, I will always love him because we’ve always had like that friendship bond there. So like, I don’t know, it was complicated. That was complicated, but like, I don’t know. Yeah. Uh, I love it. That’s, that’s, that’s actually kinda, I will, uh, so okay, I’m, let’s, I’m do rapid fire here. Uh, another question is, what do you, uh, what do you look for in a guy?
Like what does Honey Maxwell look for in a husband? A guy right now, a husband. That’s what I’m looking for. A husband and I got a husband. Nope, no games, no fucking bullshit. Like, I’m over it. I’m over all of it. I, my brother-in-law just asked me this the other day and he was like, What do you look for in a guy?
And I was like, a husband. I don’t want a boyfriend anymore. I want a husband. And I’m not saying that cuz I wanna go, go off and get married. No. I need a guy to come for me and act like a husband because when I’m in love and I care for someone, I act like a wife. So that’s what I expect. I expect a husband.
That’s what I give. That’s why, that’s what I’m accepting. That’s all I expect. That’s what I want. I’m not settling anymore. . Are you, are you in that place right now though? Are you, are you in that place where you’re like, I’m I’m not looking for anything? Or are you looking for like, okay, I’m, no, I’m not looking for anything, but like, if someone comes and finds me and they’re interesting and I think they’re interesting, um, and they want something with me, I would be like, Okay, well you better act like a husband.
Otherwise I don’t want this. Like I, That’s what I’m saying, like I’m not, I’m not actually ready to like put a ring on it. Let’s get married, have kids, like do the whole nine yards. I’m just saying cuz people are like, Oh, talking sage, dating boyfriend, girlfriend, but like doing all this weird shit and boundaries.
It’s like, fuck all that. I act like a husband. That’s all I need because I act like a wife. That’s what I’m saying, like, I’m not actually ready to get married. And in the relationships that I’ve been in, I act like a wife. I cook, I will clean, I will do laundry. Cuz that’s how I care for people. That’s how I care for people.
Like that’s just how I am. So it’s like, why can’t I have that? Like if you really want that, like if you want me, that’s, this is what I’m giving you. Like I give you the wife, like I treat you like a husband would, or a wife would treat her husband like a good one. So like why can’t I have that? You know what I mean?
Like, no, I don’t wanna get married, but this is what I offer. This is what I give. This is also what I expect to get back in return. That’s just how, That’s how I think now. man right now just fell in love. Every man just fell in love with me. It’s crazy. . uh, a couple more.
What would just, what do you think about a guy having girl friends, quote unquote at like, while you’re dating and vice versa? How do you feel about you having guy friends and going further than that? How would you feel if a guy was like, Hey, you cannot have any guy friends while we’re dating? Like, sounds a good one.
Um, I, okay. In the past I was, I wasn’t like, not okay with it. Like, as long as the communication there. Like, oh yes, this is my one friend that I’ve been friends with for a very, very long time and I don’t feel weird vibes. Cuz you, I know you have to know, like, people just know, like, I know when a girl wants my man and my man will know when a guy wants me.
It’s very obvious. I, I feel like I’ve always known like the difference between just like a regular friend and someone who wants to be a little bit more than your friend. I’ve always felt like, You know, like I kind of knew, right? Um, so yeah, you can have guy friends, girlfriends, like you can have your friends like, I’m not gonna mess that up for you.
Um, but the minute that I start getting like, your little girlfriend is like being too much or like she’s like getting jealous or something. I don’t know. Cuz girls are weird. Guys are weird too. But like the minute that I start, I start picking up on that. Yeah. Yeah. And I say, That doesn’t make me comfortable.
And you continue to do it. Like that’s where I know it’s like you’re fucking weird. And she’s weird too. Like you both are weird. So then I’m not okay with that. Like, it’s fine because you guys and girls can literally be platonic. Like I have a fair, I have a guy friend that’s very platonic and he has a girlfriend and it’s crazy because she literally.
I’ll FaceTime him and she’ll be there and we’ll all FaceTime, all of us three FaceTime together. And sometimes I wanna talk to her more than I want to even talk to him. And he was my friend first. Like, I don’t give a shit about him anymore. Like, and now I wanna be friends with you because you’re a girl and you probably get it.
Um, that’s what I mean, like, cuz there’s some girlfriends, girlfriends that are like, Oh, like, oh, he’s hanging out with his girlfriend, like too much or whatever. Like, yeah bro, like that’s his fucking girlfriend. Why, why would he not wanna hang out with her? Um, but I mean, I think it’s fine as long as like there’s no weirdness there.
Well what about a guy saying to you, Hey honey, I don’t want you to have any guy friends. Would you push back on that? Would you be like, Well dude, this has just been my friend for a long time. Or would you be like, Okay, fair, I get your balance. Like, oh boy, be, Or like, would you feel like. Okay, this guy’s insecure.
Or like, I respect that. Okay. What would be, So in the past I was like, All right, fair enough, Cut them out, No explanation needed, because that’s just who I was. Um, and then I realized like, you’re, that guy was full of shit, and like, I cut off all my fucking friends for you. So now, now I’ll sit with myself and I’ll be like, Okay, they don’t want me to have this guy friend.
Let me go ask why and be like, What is, what do you feel like, What is it that you’re feeling about this guy? Friend? Explain it to me. And, and maybe, maybe I could sit and understand that. And if it makes sense, then yeah, like I will cut them off. Um, if they don’t have, like, I don’t know. I really don’t know because I don’t really have guy friends anyways like I do, but like, not, not really to the point where it’s like, Oh, I wouldn’t want that guy friend.
Like my guy friends. Like hit me up like every couple of months just to check in and see if I’m. Alive and I’m okay. Um, so if a guy was like, Oh, I don’t want you to be friends with him anymore, and it was because he sent me like a, like a, my monthly check-in text message or something, I’d be like, That sounds, that’s ridiculous.
Cause I don’t talk to this friend like very often. Like, this is like a lifelong friends I don’t even talk to very often. Like, that wouldn’t make sense to me and I would just have to see what I can do about it because I’m not cutting off lifelong friends anymore. Cuz there I do have some friends that I’ve had for a very long time that I don’t talk to very often.
Um, that I’m not just gonna cut out because like this person can’t seem to understand that, you know, it’s different. It’s different. If I was like kind of seeing face, face timing them, like all the time, hanging out with them all the time, that’s different. And, and I could understand why he would be uncomfortable.
But if it’s just like literally a buddy that checks in on me to see if I’m fucking alive, like that’s like what’s the problem there that I wouldn’t. But that’s a, that’s tricky. are you the type of girl, are you the type of girl, and I don’t take his offense of it, I can’t tell if you are or not , but are you the type of girl who is like, is unfollow that bitch on Instagram?
Or like, I like, uh, let me go through your phone. Like what, what type of, what type of, what type of girlfriend are you? I used, used, I’m, I used to be, I will sit here and admit and say that, yeah, I used to be that girl because I was also very insecure. But also it was because I had a partner that literally cheated and lied to me like these that the tra the trauma that you share.
True. It is with past experiences, they don’t just go away. And it’s very hard to like sit there and be like, Okay, I can trust you. No, not really. Like show me that I can trust you is what it is. Um, But wouldn’t you say it’s so hard to not to like, to go back from that? Like, once you give me a reason not to trust you, it’s almost impossible for me to like, do stuff.
Yeah, that’s, It’s difficult. It’s difficult, but that’s where you have to sit and think. Like, is it worth it? Because, you know, as a person, if, like, if you sit with yourself enough to know yourself enough, you will know when a situation’s right for you and when it’s wrong for you. You’ll, you’ll know when it’s, it’s time to go, or if you think it’s like worth like to pursue.
Um, but like, I’m not, I, I could sit here and I could sit here and ask and say, unfollow them. Can you unfollow them or like delete them or whatever. I could sit here and ask you of that. Will I, No, I would expect you to just do it because that’s what you wanna do, not because I want you to do it. Does that make sense?
As. Personally, I think absolutely when men find the women that they want to be with, they will do everything and anything without her having to ask, they will just know. I feel like, and, and if they don’t know and they ask, like they will ask like, Hey, what is it that I can do for you? And they’ll do it without having an explana, without having to make her explain like why she wants it done.
They’ll just do it because that’s the girl that they want. Like, that’s how I see it. Like, yes, a girl can sit there and ask a billion things of you, but like, Oh God, if you don’t wanna do it, like, there’s really no point in her asking. So personally, like, yeah, I could sit here and ask, but I’m not going to like, you should want to do that for me because you wanna do that for me, not because I’m asking you to
Out of respect. Yeah, because you, because you respect me out of respect for me. I get you.
so the, the one, one of the questions I got from of your fans is what do you have next in your pipeline? what, what’s, what’s your, what’s your take about really? Like what, what are you, what’s like your main audience? Just women who hate men or, My TikTok is literally just whatever I’m feeling that day. I’m gonna be honest. If you , if you go through my video, like none of them are like linear.
Like I have one where I’m spitting on a chair and like I have one where I’m talking about a bad dream that I had that people took far too serious. May I add? Cuz the comments on that video, I was like, it’s literally a dream. Like there I’m not dating anyone. There was nobody I was mad at when I woke up.
Like the one that you mentioned earlier, when was it? When it was like, uh, he was on the phone and it ended up being a dream at the end. People were like, Oh, I bet you were mad at him when you woke up and yada yada. And I was like, I had jokes on you. There is no him. Like, that was just a fucked up dream that I had.
I’m not seeing anyone like . Like what do you mean that? Which is funny that like, that shit is funny to me. Like people assume everything and someone was like, Oh, like I bet you like made him have a hell of a day. Like there is no H, there is no h I just had a random fucked up dream. I’m sharing it. Yeah.
And now y’all are thinking I’m dating someone. Like, y’all are crazy. Like, I thought I was crazy. That’s crazy. Like people are just assuming stuff. . But no, like my doesn’t have like, it doesn’t have like a niche like, like I said earlier in this podcast, like it doesn’t have a niche. I don’t have trends that I’m going by.
I don’t have like certain little things. Like I just post whenever I feel like posting or if I’m just like, if I wanna talk to myself on my camera that day, like I’ll just post that or, yeah. I don’t know. Like I could sit there and talk shit about men if I wanted to, but like, I, I, am I going to, Nah. Like, I could but it, unless I really feel angry at men that day, like I’m, it’s not like a main focus of mine.
I just do whatever I wanna do on TikTok. That’s it.
I, well, my podcast is niche, but like my, my podcast is not really like about anyone specifically.
So anything that I go through along with mental health relationships and things like that I will talk about. Right. But you know, most of the guests I have on my podcast, whether they’re psychologists, you know, psychiatrists, therapists, or even just, uh, content creators, they are women.
Cause I like to get a different side of things, which I respect. I stuck that. Um, cuz I think someone said like, uh, like, Yeah. Yeah. . Well, thank you. Thank you. Because, you know, I, I’m always looking for a woman’s perspective and a woman’s point of view. It’s not just a male like, You know, fuck your baby mama type of thing.
It’s, no, I’m just going through the emotions of my life. Mm-hmm. and figuring things out for myself, you know? And I, and I, I really love that about yourself because I feel like you have like a really, I don’t know, you’re really genuine. Everything we spoke about today, I’m like, I try to be as honest as I can be.
Sometimes I’m a little too honest and it’s like too much for people, but like, that’s just life. You know what I mean? Like No, I, I get, I get the impression you would scare me. Like if you’re mad, I get the impression that you would frighten me, but like, Yeah. . Yeah. I get that a lot. I get that a lot. Um, but yeah, no, I mean, I, it’s all about being as genuine as you can be because you can look at a person and.
what you wanna see, but like being able to sit there and talk with them and figure out who they actually are, it’s a different story. I understand that there are liars, like there’s people that have put on masks and stuff, but I, it’s very easy to sift through people like that. It’s very, you know what I mean?
Like, you could tell the people who are honest and the people who aren’t honest Sure. Is. It’s very obvious. It’s very obvious. But that’s, that’s life. honey, I, I deeply enjoyed our conversation. I felt like, um, you know, I feel like a lot of people will vibe with you.
I feel like a lot of people will fall in love with you. Feel like a lot of people learn from you. Um, you thank you an amazing person. I hope they learn something. Yeah. , don’t be a cheater. Don’t be a cheat. Don’t be. Cheaters only make strong women, I feel like. So, uh, the ones that really heal, they make strong women.
So, I mean, go ahead, cheat, but like, you’ll never get her back. . Amen. And look, I, I, I don’t care what you say. I feel like this, this, you, you, uh, you really, how do I say it? You, you really showed your ex like Yeah. Like a boss man. Thank, I mean, seriously. You are amazing. Um, well I enjoyed this. I feel like I made a new friend.
Hopefully. Definitely agree, agree. May not, but you’re my friend. Either way. Um, there’s a very enjoyable conversation, . I really enjoyed talking. It was like you had really good questions. That was great.
I try, I, I try to come with the heat. I watch a lot of your podcast or a lot of your ticks, so, uh, thank you for giving me good content to laugh to.
So I, I’ve been asking all of my guests this to kind of like, just throw ’em a, a curve ball at, at, you know, the end of the, at the end of the episode. And I’m gonna ask you and be honest, cuz you know, I, at this point I can tell whether you’re lying to me, but so I really don’t know. Um, I wouldn’t put it past me. Like I, I’ve been told I’m really good with kids anyways, so it’s like, I wouldn’t say I wouldn’t date someone with a kid, but I honestly don’t know. Yeah. Like depending on, on the guy, I guess. Like if you have a kid, I mean like with like what do you, you know what I mean?
Like, well it’s just like another part of you hanging. Why that’s kind of cool. You know, like that’s a little mini you. Absolutely. I don’t, I don’t know. I wouldn’t put it past me though. I wouldn’t put it past me. I think of my, I think of my daughter as like my partner crime. She’s like, you know what I mean?
She’s like, she’s, she’s not, she’s not like baggage. Oh yeah. She’s like a plus. You know what, one of my sisters, she had a baby, and she was a single mom for a long time, and then she found a really good guy to be like, you know, step up. And like, he really accepted my niece, like, as his own, like, and that’s very admirable.
Like, I admire him for that because not very many people are willing to do that. So, I mean, that’s what I’m saying. Like, I, I don’t know because I, they’ve never had a situation like that before, but I wouldn’t put it past me. Like if I got the chance to like step up and be like, you know, like a helping hand for like another little human being growing up.
Like they could probably learn something from me. Like, I don’t know. I wouldn’t put it past me.
Well, you do seem like a good role model and to all of the women listening, um, I looked honey right in the eyes and she’s telling me the truth. So give, give someone the, give someone a chance if they , if they do approach you. Uh, well this has been great. I don’t wanna take more of your time, but listen, thank you so much.
We are definitely bs Yeah, of course. I hope to have you on again some time and, um, I’ll message you after this. But really thank you for being on the show and thank you for having me. I genuinely think we had a good chat. Like that was really fun. I’ve never done a podcast before, but this was great. This is really good.
First experience minus all the technical issues like this was great.
No, I’m just happy to be your first. Uh, honey, I’ll, I’ll message you shortly, but thank you so much again. Thank you. Uh, I already love you. Okay. . All right. Bye .
All right. Well, thank you for joining me on another episode of the Single Father Podcast. Uh, I really love this episode. Um, you know, I felt like honey was great. You know, uh, one of the reasons I have women guests on the show is to make sure that I’m not outta touch with different perspectives and, and, and feelings that other people may have, and to make sure that I’m staying in tuned with my own kind of reality, if that makes sense.
I really respect women’s opinions. And I feel like they can also, it teache us a lot of different things when it comes to love, relationships, mental health, and to to be, quite frankly, even fatherhood. Um, so I really loved, uh, honey as a guest. She shared a lot with me. She was very open and I just truly respect that and I feel like she was just amazing.
So thank you again to Honey. Um, guys, uh, please like, subscribe, share, leave a review. It definitely helps the podcast a lot. Um, uh, again, as I said in the beginning, check out the Patreon. Um, it’s again, Patreon slash single Father podcast. Uh, there’s different opportunities where we can engage with each other.
And, um, this podcast, uh, this episode ended up being a little long, so I’m not gonna do a mail. Right now, but I promise on the next episode I’ll dedicate a, uh, a pretty significant segment to just answering, um, you know, your guys’ questions. So, um, I promise that will be next episode. Um, we’re going back to weekly episodes.
I know I was on the vacation, but, uh, expect weekly episodes. Um, thank you guys for being, um, a follower, a supporter, thank you, allowing me to event with you. Um, this was great you guys. Amazing. And, um, you know, I love having our little community where we get to vent with each other as a pack, which is why I like to say my motto, vent pack.
Um, once again, guys, thank you very much and, uh, 📍 I was your host, Kendall Donker Father Deezy, Buh Bye.
The Single Father Podcast is brought to you by VentPack. Visit VentPack.org for show notes and more information on the company’s mission to combat challenges of single fatherhood with resources, digital products and mental health support.
Ventpack - Anonymous journaling platform 