In today’s episode of The Single Father Podcast, father Deezy explores how TV shows can influence our understanding of parenting and family dynamics.
He discusses:
the role of coparenting in his own life and how shows like Smallville and Modern Family have provided valuable lessons and insights on this topic.
He also shares how the character of Clark Kent’s relationship with his adoptive father, Jonathan Kent, on Smallville has served as a model for good parenting for him.
Father Deezy also touches on the representation of diverse and unconventional family structures on TV shows, and how these shows can provide relatable experiences and a sense of community for those who may not see their own experiences reflected in mainstream media.
He discusses the challenges and complexities of being a black child raised in a white family, as depicted in the show This Is Us, and how this show has helped him to feel seen and understood in a way that other shows may not have.
This episode of The Single Father Podcast is a must-listen for single fathers and anyone interested in parenting and family dynamics. Tune in to learn valuable lessons and insights on coparenting, diverse family structures, and more.
Highlights
The most challenging thing about being a single parent and having a coparent can be finding a balance between being stern and not wanting your child to fear you.
Follow The Single Father Podcast on Instagram and Facebook, and visit our website ventpack.org for show notes and occasional articles on coparenting.
The most joyous thing in life can be your child, who brings sunshine to your life and is the best gift you have ever received.
You may have many pictures of your child on your wall, but it’s important to remember that trophies and affirmations are not as important as the love and joy that your child brings to your life.
Let us know what you think about this episode and follow us on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube at @thesinglefatherpodcast.
The Single Father Podcast is brought to you by VentPack. Visit VentPack.org for show notes and more information on the company’s mission to combat the challenges of single fatherhood with resources, digital products, and mental health support.
Don’t forget to like, subscribe, share, and leave a review. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram.
0:00:00 How TV Shows Can Impact Our Understanding of Parenting and Family Dynamics
0:04:04 How TV Shows Can Help Single Fathers Improve Their Parenting Skills
0:07:37 How Modern Family and Smallville Can Teach Single Fathers Important Lessons About Parenting
0:09:55 How TV Shows Can Teach Us About Parenting and Family Dynamics
0:11:46 How TV Shows Can Be A Valuable Resource For Single Fathers
0:14:05 The Impact of TV Shows on Children’s Understanding of Parenting and Family Dynamics
0:15:49 The Impact of TV Shows on Parenting and Family Dynamics
0:18:22 How TV Shows Can Reflect Your Own Family Structure In today’s society, there are a variety of family structures that are not always accurately represented on television. However, there are a number of shows that are beginning to break the mold and show a more accurate portrayal of what modern families look like. This can be
0:20:35 The Impact of This Is Us on Adoption, Race, and Family Dynamics
0:23:02 The Importance of Representation in Mainstream Media: A Look at the TV Show “This Is Us”
0:25:17 Parenting: The Most Joyous Thing in My Life
0:27:16 The Best Gift I’ve Ever Gotten: A Daughter
0:30:55 The Single Father Podcast: Mailbag
0:36:06 Custody Arrangements and Having More Children
0:38:23 Single Fatherhood: The Most Challenging Thing About Being a Single Parent and Having a Coparent
0:45:54 Parenting: The Next Chapter
0:48:14 The Most Challenging Thing About Being A Coparent
0:50:04 Fatherhood: The Complications of Being a Single Parent
Transcript:
Hello, and welcome to the single father podcast with Kendall Donaker, a K father DZ. Today, we’re going to be talking about how TV shows can impact our understanding of parenting and family dynamics. And how they even shape our own experiences as fathers, single fathers or parents. First of all, let’s start with the concept of co-parenting.
Co-parenting refers to an arrangement in which both parents are actively involved in the upbringing of their children. Even if they are no longer romantically involved, this can be a challenging dynamic. Especially if there are tensions in the past between the parents. As you guys know, listening to me in the past, I’ve had a very contentious relationship with my child’s mother.
And although it seems to be getting better and better, I would be lying if it didn’t feel like at times where I take one step forward, I take a thousand steps back. As single fathers, you may find yourself in a co-parenting situation with your significant other or your child’s mother, whatever the case may be.
TV shows I think can provide us with examples of how co-parenting has done well. For an example, you know, one of the shows I love my favorite show of all time, I think is called Smallville Clark Ken’s relationship with his adoptive father, Jonathan Kent. It’s a prime example of parenting at its best.
Despite the challenges that they faced and the conflicts that they’ve had. Jonathan and Clark were always able to work together and put their children’s needs aside. That show taught me so many lessons about what it is to be a good person. And about what it is to be a man. This is something that can incredibly.
Well, it just can be really valuable for single fathers to keep in mind. Well, it might be tempting to let past issues or tensions with your significant other or your ex significant other, excuse me, to affect your co-parenting. It’s important to remember that your child’s wellbeing should always be the top of your priority.
With a little bit of effort and communication, it’s possible to have a successful. Parenting relationship with your child, just like Clark and Jonathan did on Smallville. One way to improve your co-parenting relationship is to set clear boundaries and guidelines for how you will work together to raise your child.
This can include things like establishing your regular schedule for communication. Which I’ve done with my child’s mother every Wednesday. Um, when it’s, you know, midway through the week, she calls her. I call her when it’s both of our days and we speak to our kid. I tried to leave the room. So I give her privacy, so she doesn’t feel uncomfortable. And I allow that communication.
With her mother to be presented to her when she’s at my house. It could be determining how important decisions will be made in establishing a plan for how conflicts can be resolved. I’m not going to lie. This is something that I’ve been struggling with. When it comes to my child’s mother. But by setting these boundaries and guidelines, you can create a more harmonious co-parenting relationship.
And ensure that your child’s needs are being met.
It’s not just the co-parenting. Like we can learn from Smallville Clark’s relationship with his parents. Just by being parents. You can Jonathan and Martha Kent. Is a great example of parenting done, right.
Despite the fact that Clark was different. And sometimes felt alone. His parents always showed him support and taught him valuable lessons about right and wrong. The consequences of his actions. And Jonathan in particular was a great role model for Clark. Always trying to carefully navigate any challenges and conflicts that arose.
With his son. As a single father, you may find yourself feeling a similar desire. To do and to be the best role model you can be for your child. Watching Clarke’s relationship with his parents on Smallville can be a great way to get inspired and motivated to be the best father you can be. Just like Jonathan and Martha Kent, where to Clark.
Another show that can be incredibly helpful when it comes to parenting and family dynamics is modern family. While the show may depict a lot of dysfunction in chaos at times. It also showcases a lot of love and support within the family. Whether it’s Phil and Claire’s relationship with their three children or Jay and Gloria’s relationship with their son and stepson.
There are countless examples of positive parenting and family dynamics on the show. Whenever you find yourself questioning your own parenting or family relationships. Watching modern family can be a great way to get a new perspective on how to see other families navigate these challenges that come their way.
Even though the show is just a fictional portrayal of a family. It can still provide us with valuable lessons and insights. That we can apply to our own lives.
In addition to the examples of positive parenting and family dynamics on modern family. The show also highlights the importance of communication and being open, honest with one another. Even when things get tough, the characters on the show were always able to come together and work through their problems by communicating with each other and being there for one another.
As a single father, it is important to remember that open and honest communication is key to building a strong relationship with your child or children. And with other family members, to be honest. Make a regular effort. To regularly check in with your child and listen to their concerns and to try to be open and honest with them about your own thoughts and feelings as well.
TV shows can serve as a source of inspiration and guidance when it comes to parenting and family dynamics, especially for single fathers. Whether it’s, co-parenting improving relationships with our own parents or simply striving to be a better parent. Or family member. These shows can provide us with valuable lessons and new perspectives and what it means to be part of a modern family.
For me personally shows like Smallville and modern family have played a significant role in my understanding of parenting and family dynamics. By watching Clark’s relationship with his parents on Smallville, I learned the importance of being a positive role model and supporting your child, even when things get tough.
And by watching the characters on modern family navigate their complex family relationships. I’ve learned the value of open, honest communication, and being there for one another. By incorporating the lessons and insights I’ve gained from shows. Into my own parenting relationships. I’ve been able to create a strong and supportive relationship with my four-year-old daughter.
Building it on foundations of joy and hope and positive role modeling. I’ve also used these shows as a way to check in with myself and my own character. Using Clarke’s relationship with his father and mother and Smallville as a guide to how to navigate challenges and conflicts with integrity. And when you’re quiet and.
Even when I’m questioning. My own parenting skills. I’ve turned to modern family for guidance. And new perspectives. To handle the complexities of family dynamics. Overall TV shows like modern family can be incredibly valuable resource for single fathers looking for inspiration and guidance when it comes to parenting and family dynamics.
By watching and learning from characters on the shows, you can gain value, but insights that you can apply to your own life and relationships.
While it’s important to remember that TV shows are just fictional portrayals of families and should be not taken as a definitive guide to parenting and relationships. They can still provide us with a valuable insight and lessons. That we can apply to our own lives. I mean, the writers of these shows.
You know, they’ve come up with these examples on their own, probably from their own personal experiences. Watching characters navigate their relationships and challenges. On TV can help us better understand and appreciate the complexities of family dynamics to improve us. With a new perspective. On how to handle similar situations in our own lives.
TV shows can also saw, can also serve as a source of comfort. And validation for single fathers. It can be a challenging experience to raise. A child on your own. And it’s natural to feel overwhelmed or unsure of your own parenting skills at times. Seeing characters on TV, who are. Also single fathers and facing similar challenges can be a great way to feel less alone.
And to know that you’re not the only one facing these issues. Ultimately TV shows can play a significant role in shaping our understanding of parenting and family dynamics. But it’s important to remember that they are just one source of inspiration and guidance. It’s also. Important to seek out advice and support from trusted friends, family members, and professionals, to navigate these challenges of co-parenting and relationships.
By combining the lessons and insights from TV shows with your own experiences and the support from those around you. You can be the best single father. You can be. It’s also worth noting that different TV shows can provide different types of lessons and insights to when it comes to parenting and those family dynamics.
For example, some shows may focus more of a comedic and lighthearted aspect on family. While other shows may delve onto more serious and emotional issues. For instance. A show like modern family tends to be more humorous and lighthearted approach to depicting family life. While this show like this is us.
Take some more emotional and dramatic approach. Both of both of these shows can be valuable in their own way. Depending on what you’re looking for. As a single father, you may find yourself. Well, you may find that you connect more with certain types of shows and find them more helpful in your own life.
For example, if you’re looking for a show that. We’ll make you laugh and provide some lighthearted entertainment. Hey, modern family. Maybe a great choice. On the other hand, if, if you’re looking for a show that will delve deeper in a more emotional and real. Related to parenting family dynamics. Maybe this is us is a better fit.
Ultimately the key is to find balance and choose TV shows that speak to you in your own experiences as a father. Or as a parent. By doing so you can gain a valuable insight into lessons that you can help. Others. Maybe even help yourself be the best parent and family member that you can. can be.
It’s also important to remember that TV shows can also provide us with a limited perspective on parenting and family dynamics. Every family is different. And what works for one family may not necessarily work for another. It is important to take what you learned from TV shows and apply it to your own life.
And relationships in a way that works for you and your family. It’s important to keep in mind that TV shows often depict a. Idealized version of family. Life. And may not always accurately reflect the challenges and complexities. That real families face. While it can be helpful to watch TV shows and gain.
Insights and inspiration from them. It’s also to important. To remember that they are not. Suitable for real life. Relationships and experiences. That said TV shows can still be a valuable resource for single fathers looking for guidance and inspiration when it comes to parenting and family dynamics.
By watching and learning from the characters when these shows. It may open your mind up. Two. I don’t know what different. Way of thinking about your own family or about the struggles that you faced in your own life
You know, it’s also worth mentioning that TV shows can serve. As a way for single fathers to connect with their children and bond over a shared interest. Watching TV shows together can be a great way to spend quality time with your child and create lasting memories. It can also be a great way to start discussions and have conversations with your child about important issues and themes that arise in the show.
For example, if you and your child are watching a show that deals with themes of friendship and loyalty. You can ha you can use that as an opportunity to discuss these topics with your child and encourage them to think about how they can apply these values in their own life. Similarly, if you’re watching a show that deals with a more serious.
Uh, tone like bullying or discrimination. You can use that opportunity to talk to your child about these important issues and how to handle them in their own lives. By watching TV shows together and engaging in discussions. About these themes and issues that arise in these shows, you can create a meaningful and enriching experience for your child.
And really help them shape their understanding of the world around them.
It’s also worth considering the potential impact of TV shows on our children’s understanding of parenting and family dynamics. Children are. Often, highly influenced by the media. They consume. And it’s important to be mindful of the messages and themes. They’re exposed to through TV shows and other forms of media.
For example, if you and your child are watching a show that portrays parents in a negative and stereotypical manner. It’s important to have a conversation with your child about these portrayals and that they may not accurately reflect real life. And if you’re watching a show that portrays an unrealistic and unhealthy family dynamic, it’s important to discuss these portrayals with your child.
And help them to understand that. Not all families function in the same way. By having an open, honest conversation with your child about the media they consume. You can help them shape their understanding of parenting and family dynamics in a healthy and realistic way
And going back to what I said originally. It’s also important to remember that while TV shows can provide us with a valuable lessons and insights. They’re just one aspect of our understanding of parenting and family dynamics. Our experiences. Relationships cultural backgrounds play a significant role.
In the shaping and understanding. Of these concepts. If you have a close relationship with your parents. This may influence your understanding of parenting. And the kind of parent you strive to be. Similarly, if you come from a cultural or religious background that places a strong emphasis on certain values or traditions, these values may shape your understanding of family dynamics and.
How you approach relationships with your own children? It’s important to remember that there is no one size fits all approach to parenting and family relationships.
Well, that works for, you know, one family may not necessarily work for another. It’s important to find what works best for you and your own unique family situation. By combining the lessons and insights you gained from TV shows with your own experiences. Relationships culture background. You can create a strong and supportive foundation for your family
It’s also worth considering the potential impact of different types of TV shows on our understanding of parenting and family. For example shows that portray traditional nuclear families with a stay at home mom and a working dad may provide a narrow and potentially limiting perspective on what family.
Dynamics can look like. On the other hand shows that depict a more diverse and unconventional family structure, such as like, you know, single parent households, blended families or same-sex households. Can provide a more inclusive and realistic portrayal of what family dynamics can look like in the modern world.
AKA why I love modern family. As a single father, you may find that you relate more to TV shows that depict an unconventional or diverse family structure. As they may be more reflective to your own experiences. By watching these types of shows, you can gain valuable insights and lessons about how to navigate.
Your own unique family situation. It’s important to consider the representation of gender roles and expectations within TV shows. Traditional gender roles in which men are depicted as the breadwinners and women are the caregivers. Can be really limiting and reinforce harmful stereotypes. By watching TV shows that challenge and subvert these traditional gender roles.
We can gain a more nuanced and inclusive understanding. Of what it means to be a parent or just a important family member in our lives. It’s it’s. It’s really important to be mindful of TV shows. Uh, We’ll just really any TV shows that we watch. And the messages and themes that they present. By seeking out shows that depict a diverse and unconventional family structures. And.
You know, challenge traditional gender roles. We can gain more inclusive and realistic understanding of. Parenting and our own Family
For example. As a black man. With a white father in a mixed race daughter. I have found that. The show. This is us provided me with a relatable experience that helped me. I feel seen and understood. In a way that other shows may not have, this is us deals with themes of adoption race. Mixed. Race families.
And by watching the show. I’ve gained a new perspective on these issues and how. They can impact family. And my family. And other families. Seeing a family like the Pearsons who have. Uh, white father. Uh, black adopted son. May have helped me feel less alone. In my own unique family situation. And may have given me a new way of thinking about the.
Challenges and joys. Of raising a mixed race. Daughter. It’s also important to consider how TV shows can provide us with a sense of community and connection to others that may have similar experiences by watching shows that depicted an unconventional and diverse. Family structure.
We can feel a sense of connection and solidarity with. Others who are navigating similar family challenges. And joyce.
You know, in particular, the character Randall in this is us. Serves as a powerful example. Of the challenges and complexities of being black and being raised in a white family. As I mentioned, Randall is constantly caught between society’s expectations of him being black and. Uh, just basically raised in a white family.
And the show does a great job of depicting these difficulties and the emotional toll. It can really take. One thing in particular that resonates with me is the historic in presumed assertion that white people can and will and should decide the fate of black people. And the love. Is just not enough.
This is a powerful. And important message. And it’s often overlooked in the mainstream media. And it’s a great. Wait for me to. I feel heard or understood. On the show. This is us. It’s also important to note that the show does a really good job of depicting the challenges that white parents can face when raising a black child.
You know, in a flashback scene where Rebecca and Jack struggle with how to raise a kid of a different race. It’s clear that they are generally, um, baffled and unsure on how to best support. And nurture their son. While the show does not shy away from these challenges. It doesn’t. Shy away from the idea that love.
Is it is. That love and support. Is a crucial. And strong, important characteristic. And raising a child, not only just with a child of a different race, but a child. Itself. You know, overall, this is us does a really great job of depicting the complexities and challenges of being a black child. And raising.
A child in a white family. And it’s a really great way to see these issues being addressed in the mainstream. Uh, media and on the TV show. And by watching shows like this. We can gain a better understanding of the unique challenges and, uh, joys. As I mentioned of a diverse family dynamic and be better equipped to support.
And nature our own families. I think it’s always nice to get a different perspective on things. Going through this whole list. With you guys. What I’ve learned is.
It’s important to be respectful. It’s important to be clear. As important to be understood. It’s important to have fun. It’s important to laugh. And it’s important to even cry. But it’s also important to listen. And grow. And share our experiences together. One of the reasons I do this podcast, the single father podcast.
Is too. Share experiences. And to gain a new insight and inspiration to other people’s lives as a single father, as a parent, and really to kind of give you guys an. In insight to my daily life and my journey as a single father. At times it is difficult. At times it is challenging. And at times I have no idea what I’m doing.
But, you know, I fail and I get back up and I learn and I fail and I get back up and I learn and hell a parenting is really just about failing and trying to do it right the next time.
I can’t even count how many times that I failed.
But I can count more times. That I’ve learned. And I’ve used those learning experiences to better love. Support. Cherish. And be there for my daughter every step of the way.
There are very few times in my life. That I feel like I’ve done something amazing.
You won’t find it in my house. You won’t find any. Trophies or metals or hell even barely a certificate. I guess what I’m trying to say is there are very few things in my life where I feel like I have something to show for something that I did that. Was amazing.
That is until I had my daughter. That little girl, single handedly is the best gift metal prize I’ve ever gotten in my entire life. There’s way. Well,
There’s so many pictures on my wall of her.
You know the hell of the trophies or the things of affirmations that. People have in their house. I could care less about that.
I have. My whole house flooded of just. Pictures and drawings and little things that my daughter. Um, gave me and presented to me. Because the most joyous thing in my life. Is that little girl. She turns rain into shine, bad moods, and the good moods. Oh, well, um, unless, you know, she is the reason for my bad mood. Of course.
Um, but that’s a story for another episode. Um,
You know, we just had Christmas and. I heard a quote this Christmas that really summed it all up.
I used to think being a kid on Christmas was the best thing ever. It turns out. Being a parent is.
Aye. I’m so blessed and lucky to have my daughter. And.
I don’t know. What is it about the holidays that makes us so emotional? Is it watching our kids grow up? Is it. How we can put our disagreements aside.
Is it. Just being the people that you can’t imagine life without. Or is it just. Wanting to cherish. The ones you love.
For as long as you can.
Whatever it is. Each Christmas. I think I’ve.
Each Christmas, I think. It’s an opportunity for growth. And to watch everyone around you.
Grow.
The gift. This year to me.
Was the gift that keeps on giving.
The best gift I’ve ever gotten.
My daughter.
Without her. Sometimes, I feel like my life would be more chaotic than it already is.
One of the reasons I do this podcast. Of course, as you guys know. Is to give people a different perspective, not only about parenting or my. Co-parenting situation, but. To give people a different perspective about myself.
I grew up.
With the challenging. Childhood.
Uh, tentious relationship with my family. And the confusing culture around me that oftentimes didn’t make sense.
I felt very alone and outcasted with. A lot of experiences that have had. I have moved. To more states I’ve been. To more schools than I can count.
I fell in love and got heartbroken more times than I cared to admit.
I used to think that. It was just me. Something was wrong with me. And then I was going through these things alone.
And then I sat down and.
Watched a couple of TV shows that made me feel like.
The chaos is just. A part of it.
So now, now I wake up every day with a smile. With a hint of chaos. And that’s just how I like it.
So every one of you who is. Listening and trying to come up with an idea of how to parent. What your family should look like or. What a traditional or unconventional family. Should look like.
No pop on a streaming service. Sit down, watch a TV show. And see for yourself.
Like I said, it may not be the most accurate representation in hell. Maybe it’s completely fiction. Or maybe you think it couldn’t be farther from the truth? But at least we can get some insights and some different perspectives that aren’t your own. Maybe they work for you, maybe they don’t.
But I’ll tell you what I’ve learned a lot.
From a couple of TV shows in my time.
Whether it was modern family teaching me how to laugh with my kids. Whether it was Smallville, teaching me how to support my kid.
Or whether it was, this is us. Teaching me how to. Forgive.
Um, maybe even the let go.
I think we’ve all had.
An emotional response to something that we’ve heard or saw.
Because it related to us. It spoke to us.
Sometimes we can turn on a show.
And it almost feels like they’re looking right at you and saying.
I see you.
I hear you.
And you’re not alone.
Ladies and gentlemen. That is it for me today? Thank you so much for being a part of today’s episode. Thank you for listening. Thank you for supporting me.
Hey, it’s almost a, it’s almost a new year. It’s time that may make the most out of what you got and do the best.
With what you were given.
You guys. I couldn’t be a bigger fan of you all. So thank you. A couple of house cleaning, uh, items to do here. Uh, number one, please like subscribe, follow us. Share, leave a review. Please do that. Uh, if you can, apple. Apple podcast, Spotify, wherever you enjoy your podcasts, we’re on it. Uh, go out and like subscribe, share, review, um, and just support us. You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook at the single father podcast.
Um, you know, we post on there occasionally. Um, you can go to our website to find the show notes or occasional articles that I post about co-parenting and things of that nature. That’ll be event packed.org. And you can find some additional resources there too. I plan on expanding and doing a lot with this podcast and it really helps.
Um, you know, just having your guys to support. And if you want to support us in a big way, go to Patrion. It’d be a patron of the podcast. Um, go to patrion.com/the single father podcast. And there are different tiers. You can join with some added benefits. There’s a couple of tiers. Whether, um, I always take.
Um, I always take re request to be a guest on the podcast. I have a guest coming on. Um, pretty soon, that’s going to, uh, give us some great insights on parenting and, and his own, uh, challenges with divorce. Um, so I’m always taking requests to be on the show. Um, but if you want a guaranteed spot, you know, then you can go ahead and join our Patrion.
I’m playing around with that. You know, someone made a comment to me that shook me. I’m not sure if I, you know, I’m having people subscribed to our Patrion to have a guaranteed spot in the show, or maybe to even host a whole podcast themselves. I think maybe that would be fun. Um, you know, have a whole episode where someone just speaking about.
Uh, their journey. Um, not just a conversation with me, but you know, Uh, actually, you know, uh, Manning the ship. So, let me know what you guys think about that. Um, I’ll play around with kind of, what’s added in that Patrion a deal there. But, um, in any case you can always email me at hello. At vinpac.org and the subject line, um, type venting sessions. And, um, you know, maybe we can schedule a venting session with us together and you can be a guest on the podcast.
Um, if it’s questions you want answered. Uh, there’s a section at the end of each podcast. At least I try to do it at the end of each podcast called mailbag. What is mailbag? Well, I’m glad you asked if you go ahead and email us at mail R. Hello. Um, hello event, pact.org. Uh, in the subject line type mailbag, you can write in a question.
And, uh, hopefully it’ll get answered on the end of the podcast and I’ll answer a few of them as I’m going to do it just a little bit. Um, so yeah. Thank you guys so much. I think that’s all the house cleaning I have. Um, make sure you guys just support us. That’s all I can ask. Um, All right. Thanks. All right. So let’s go into mailbag, the section of the show, where we are taking questions anonymously from you that I read on my email and we are going to start with anonymous.
Anonymous ass. Uh, did your co-parenting relationship with your child’s mother turned you off to having a kid again? Um, great question. I was thinking about this just the other day. Um, it did not, I think. Actually it. Created the exact opposite. I think it made me want another kid even more. Um, an opportunity to do it.
The right way. And when I say the right way, what I don’t mean is that I’m doing. Anything. Particularly wrong or this isn’t what I wanted necessarily, but I think it’s. Commonly known that when you have a kid with someone you don’t expect to be co-parents. And I love my little girl. I wish I could have her every single day.
And I always wanted to. Um, experience that what it’s like to have a kid with someone. Every single day. And a wake up every day with a kid there and it just being. My kid from, you know, every single week, not having to. You know, one week on one week off like I do. And although I do in. Enjoy. In some ways what I have.
Being a co-parent it is challenging. And, uh, yeah, I think. I think you guys kind of get what I’m saying. It’s hard for me to really put it into words without. You know, someone who really understands, but, uh, yeah, I, I do want another kid again, but, um, you know, we’ll see, we’ll see if that happens.
Uh, anonymous is. Uh, how ironic anonymous asked, do you ever want more kids? Uh, ironic question based on the last. Question there. Uh, I do want more kids let’s I said, you know, I want an opportunity to, uh, raise a kid, um, you know, day in, day out. Uh, morning tonight, every single day. And, um, I would love to have like a whole little bunch of buggers running around and.
Stressing me out and leading to me probably to an early heart attack. But, uh, I, I know there’s something so beautiful about that. And, um, I don’t know, uh, true to this episode, I’ve been watching a lot of modern family lately and. Even though, like I said, uh, it seems crazy in the show. It does seem like a really loving and enjoyable experience too.
Um, I don’t know. I have a whole bunch of kids that love me and I love them and roll a family. Sounds fun. Uh, next question.
Anonymous ass. Was there ever a time that you felt like you and your child’s mother were going to get back together? Uh, uh, a very briefly. And, um, it faded as quickly as it came. Um, you know, a few situations happened to that, uh, are disappointing and, um, yeah. We, um, that moment has, uh, definitely passed for me. You know, I think everything does happen for a reason.
Um,
You know, I. I’m I’m.
I don’t know. I, I, it’s hard to talk about. Uh, but, uh, you know, um, one of the biggest challenges that I face in terms of whether I feel regret for it or not is the fact that I’m not with my child’s mother, because. Immediately it’d be easier for me, but you know, uh, another reason is I always wanted to give my child.
Something that I never had, which was a. Um, The stable, loving home. And although I think in some version. Of that. Is what she’s experiencing now. What. Stable loving home. Uh, just on, in different homes. Um, It would have been nice to have one family unit, but I’ll tell you what her and I are just definitely not meant to be together.
Um,
And that’s that. So I hope that kind of makes sense. Uh, anonymous ass. Would you ever consider getting married? Uh, yes, I would consider beginning married. I’ll tell you what though. It’s interesting. The thought of getting a loped sounds more appealing to me than an actual marriage. In some weird way.
I can’t envision me walking down an aisle. And. Getting married in that traditional normal sentence. Um,
And I know, listen, I’d say getting a loped is not only untraditional. It’s kind of unconventional. I don’t know.
But I feel like that. Is more appealing to me. Getting a loped, but, uh, You know, if I meet someone who is really dedicated and committed to a wedding, then. I will gladly.
Show up. Um, I don’t know. Um, I think. What fascinates me. He is calling someone, my wife. That sounds so beautiful to me, you know? It’s almost prolific. It’s like, I want me and my wife. Me and my wife were just my wife, you know? Um, And to any of you who are recently divorced, I apologize. Um, that must be triggering to hear.
But, uh, yeah, I think that’s pretty nice. Uh, and I would definitely want that one day. So. I don’t know what may be, will be. Uh, anonymous. Do you have any other kids? I do not just the, just the daughter, um, and the dog that, uh, It’s pretty annoying. But, um, yeah. What is your favorite thing about your daughter?
My favorite thing about my daughter. Um, So many. How could I even choose. Uh, her voice. That’s the first thing that came into my head. Her voice is so sweet. Innocent. And it’s not just the way she looks at me sometimes, but it’s just her voice. That gives me to do whatever she wants. And I just break down on my knees and say,
You can, I will rip out my heart real fast and give it to you if that’s what you want. Um, my precious little angel, you are everything to me. That voice can really just make me. Um, just melt. Oh, I love that girl. Um, Yeah. Oh, my gosh. I just. Um, I’m, uh, Yeah. Anyways. Uh, anonymous SAS. What’s the most challenging thing about being a single parent and having a co-parent.
Uh, well, despite the obvious. Uh, the challenging thing right now I have with my daughter is getting her to just listen. Um, You know, finding a balance between. Um, being a stern father. And.
Um, You know, I don’t know. I don’t want her to fear me. That’s the problem. You know, but she is a hard-headed woman. She doesn’t listen. And it’s hard because I want to instill a sense of discipline. And then while it’s funny. Cause the next question is, do you ever get afraid disciplining your child because of your co-parent.
Uh, so I’ll explain and I’ll expand on both of these things. So it’s hard. Again, to try to instill a sense of discipline because on the one hand, I don’t want her to be fearful of me. And the other hand. You can’t just have her walk all over. You. The difficult thing for me is her mother and I have very different, different parenting styles.
And I’m not privy to the parenting style there. Um, I’d say. You know, for reasons I can’t get into, it’s very disappointing. Not being. On the same wavelength when it comes to parenting styles. Now we obviously have a.
Somewhat of a mutual understanding. But. You know, we. Again, I’m, I’m trying to be careful with my words. I, we do not have the same parenting style and that’s super challenging. Difficult frustrating. And. Um, I will say wrong.
In my opinion. Um, And look, you don’t have to agree on everything, but you at least have to somewhat be on the same page and. Uh, If you had, if you were to ask me if we are a truly don’t know, Um, and like I said, there’s the main thing that we both agree on is the health and wellness and. Politeness and nurturing aspect of raising our child, but there’s a lot of things that, you know, I’m not privy to. And.
Um, In their household and, um, Maybe there’s an argument. Maybe I shouldn’t be, or I don’t know. There’s we, we just have different parenting styles, so it’s tough. When it comes to disciplining my child, though, if you asked me from her fearful of it, I’m not fearful of disciplining my child. There’s obviously some co-parenting.
Uh, baggage. That comes with disciplining your child because you feel like, oh, if she doesn’t like me, she’s going to run to her mom or she wants to live with her mom. And the blah, blah, blah. I’m sure her mother has felt the same way, but, um, there’s some of that, but it really goes away. I think the love you show your child.
Outweighs. Um, Should outweigh more than the. Discipline she’s receiving. Um, in any fashion. Um, but do I spank my kids now? Um, And I can never spank that little girl, but you know, it is, it is tough. ’cause you know, like I said, I want her to listen, but she’s, it’s. It’s such a challenge. So that’s probably the hardest thing I’m going through right now is finding that balance between, you know, being a stern figure.
And being in being that loving figure and. Uh, having them co-exist in a way that she, um,
Uh, response to has been a challenge. Yeah. But no, I’m not afraid of anything. No, no, no. But, uh, yeah. Um,
There was something I was going to say. I completely forgot to be honest. Oh, well, Moving on. Um, It kind of sucks that you are having to. Go through, uh, that’s inappropriate.
Um, it sounded good at first, but I read the whole thing. Inappropriate. Alright, uh, next question. What is the next chapter in parenting for you? Um, that’s such a broad question. I have no idea what you mean. The next chapter in parenting. Um, if you’re asking, do I want another kid? Yes. If you’re asking.
What’s next between me and my. With my daughter. I, I mean, I don’t know, just hope that she lives. Successful career in a long time. Right? That’s a, that’s a very broad question. I have no idea what you’re talking about, but I appreciate it though. Um, Next question. Um, Well, I’ll read operated, probably like three more.
What is your favorite book on parenting? Uh, to be honest, I really don’t have one. I’m not going to lie to you. The things that I’ve learned as far as books goes, or just common things, I just kinda. Oh, I don’t even know if I’d say calm and just some things that I read around, maybe a library or Barnes and noble or the house or something like that.
Um, when it comes to a specific book, I don’t know. I did have a, um, I guessed on my shell, Leah lists, who. What is your book again? Let me, let me look it up.
Less.
Um, it’s like how to. Oh, yeah. So, uh, Leah lists, uh, the nose shame expert on Instagram. I had her on as a guest on my show and I do own her book. It’s like how to. Um, changing the way we talk to children. You know, Uh, no shame. And it’s about how to speak about sex with your children. And. And things like that. That’s a book that I keep around my house because you know, if it does turn out that I have to be a single father for the long run.
Um, I don’t know. I don’t even know how to begin to talk to my kid about sex. Or about, uh, body changes that she may be going through. And although I do feel like she will have that. Um, those things answered with her mother. I I’d love to be. Not necessarily a part of it, but I’d love to be, have, I’d love to be a figure where she can come to, to have an open and honest conversation with. I’m never going to be a dad who a.
Makes her kid and feel uncomfortable just by telling them the truth. I have a deal with my kid and the, with my daughter. And we’ll we always say to each other, as long as you’ve told me the truth, you’re never in trouble. Um, Actually get old as she gets older, it may be altered. A little, but, uh,
Um, No. I mean, Um, Yeah. As far as books go, I can’t think of any other than that. Her book is called no shame. Her name’s Lila. She was. Wonderful beautiful guests on my show. So check it out. Also check out the episode. Um, all right, next question here. Um, what is the most challenging thing about being a co-parent when you have to make appointments or hang with friends?
Or go to certain events. Um, I think that answered itself. The challenging thing about being a co-parent in, uh, in, in that aspect. Well, if you’re asking what, what about being a co-parent there’s nothing challenging about that because. You know, it’s 50 50. So, you know what happens at my houses in my business and her house is her business.
Um, to a certain extent that doesn’t intrude on my ability to properly. Raise or, um, help influence my daughter. But, um, there’s no like. I don’t have to ask permission for anything. If that’s what you’re asking. If it comes. If you’re asking about like, is it hard for me to do certain things, having my daughter.
And me being a single parent. Yes. Uh, it is. Um, but. Um, what I love about my friends is. Kind of. You know, everyone has like a certain friend group. I have my friend group. And it’s become kind of natural that my daughter is now a part of this friend group. You know, uh, you know, as she should, you know, my, my, my friends, when some of my best friends.
A couple of mine. Uh, they’re um, they’re having a baby and their child will obviously be included within the group as well. Um, you know, so I, my, my daughter’s like my partner in crime, I kind of. Carry her along with me everywhere. Uh, so she’s always with me. Um, Just I recommend is always having an iPad or something around entertainer, a book or something.
Um, you know, I give her an iPad while I’m getting my haircut or something. But, um, you know, what I will say is. There are a lot of complicated issues with being a co-parent, but. One of the good things you hear. From co-parents is they say, well, it’s just, I have like a permanent babysitter on the weeks. I don’t have her.
Yeah. That’s somewhat true. I mean, still, I don’t like it. I can’t fully be down for that comment, but it is true. I mean, there are times. I’ll tell you what I have her Saturday through Saturday. And. When I pick her up Saturday, when it gets close to that following Friday. You know, it’s 50 50, whether we are either sick of each other.
Or whether she’s about to. You know, push me into a grave. Because it gets kind of stressful. So, you know, getting close to that Friday, getting her back to her mom on Saturday. It is kind of. It’s kind of like a break for me to kind of. Respond. Reese respond and, um, recomposed myself. At least clean my house.
So, yeah, I mean, There’s there’s different things. And benefits to in complications to everything. But. Um, I think in a lot of ways, I’ve been able to have my co-parenting situation. Um, B is. At least healthy for me as possible. And it’s healthy for my daughter. Um, like I said, it’s. The only thing I’ve ever cared about was just making sure, um,
She’s happy and grows up as normal as possible. That’s. Our main goal. All right guys. Um, well, I’m trying to shorten these episodes down a tad. So, uh, I think that’s about it. Thank you guys for listening. Um, like I said, follow us on social media. Be a supporter. Um, if you have any. You know,
Uh, questions, concerns, or if you want to be on the show, if you have a, you know, If you have a suggestion for me about the show. Please email me@helloofimpact.org or should have said. Uh, DM on Instagram. And please, if you liked the episode, if it resonated with you in any way, shape or form, leave a review.
So, uh, thanks guys. Um, You know, it’s Kendall, Donaker father DZ here until next time. Thanks for letting me vent with you. Bye-bye.
The Single Father Podcast is brought to you by VentPack. Visit VentPack.org for show notes and more information on the company’s mission to combat challenges of single fatherhood with resources, digital products and mental health support.
Welcome to the Single Father Podcast. I am your host, Kendall Donker. This podcast is dedicated for anyone out there who’s dealing with mental health and fatherhood. You’ll hear about my struggles, my defeats, my victories, my highs, my lows, my triumphs, my tribulations, and everything in between. I like to call this a collection of journal entries into my struggle and adapting to single fatherhood.
Without further ado, let’s take a look inside my journal, the Single Father Podcast. Well, hello ladies and gentlemen, and otherwise, it is your host, father Dizzy, aka Kendall Donker, giving you another episode of The Single Father Podcast. Uh, thank you for joining me on today’s episode. I gotta tell you right off the bat, my gosh, was it such a hard effort to release.
I had a bunch of technical difficulties, um, shooting this episode. Um, you know, our wifis just wasn’t syncing up with each other, so my producers went through hell trying you know, edit this episode and get it released to you guys. Um, but you know, I enjoy the episode very much. Um, the sound quality is iffy at times, but when you really listen to honey, What she’s saying ends up just being a really amazing episode.
Um, and we kind of really get into it. We get into the weeds of, well, first of all, I should just say my guest on today’s episode is Honey Maxwell TikTok star, content creator. Um, probably a future model. She is wonderful to speak to, really open and candid. Um, she didn’t hold back on any of her answers.
Wasn’t uncomfortable. It was a really natural flowing conversation, which I really love. Um, and you know, like I said, we get into the weeds of it. We got into relationship issues. We got to ex-boyfriend issues, we got. Um, you know, mental health issues. We really spoke about a lot and had a really long conversation and, uh, I enjoyed it thoroughly.
Um, and, uh, we recorded the episode quite a while ago, but, um, you know, again, my producers were working on it. I was working on it and then I kind of went on a little vacation and finally I got the episode released. But yeah, it was a long awaited project that I’m really happy about and, um, I’m just happy for you guys to get to know.
She’s an amazing person and, uh, like I said, I hopefully a good friend now. I, I really enjoyed speaking with her. I’m gonna shoot her a message, uh, right after I record this actually. But, uh, you know, just a little housekeeping right off the back. Um, I released a Patreon, so you guys are familiar with Patreon.
Um, I’d love for you guys to be a patron. Um, you know, check out our Patreon at uh, pat.com/the single Father podcast. There’s a couple tiers you can. Uh, for $5 a month, just a price of a cup of coffee. You can support the podcast to make sure that we have opportunities to grow and bring more guests in the show and just keep everything functioning.
I mean, like I said, it’s the price of a cup of coffee. If you guys want to, you know, support the podcast, if you like what you hear, if you’re here for honey, that’s fine. If you want to stay and stick around, I speak about relationships mental. Fatherhood really some good stuff, but it allows the op opportunity for us to continue growing.
Um, another tier is, you know, you could be a guest on the podcast. Um, you could, we could have a little venting session together. All you gotta do is, uh, join that Patreon. Um, you can email me at hello@ventveak.org. Tell me what you want to talk about and I’ll get you on the, on the podcast. Um, you know, but, uh, just to clarify, I’m holding, you know, appropriate and relevant topics.
Um, it can be anything you wanna talk about, but just keep that in mind. We’re not gonna, um, go into, you know, crazy left fields. But, um, I would love to have you guys as a guest on the podcast. And of course at the end of the show, I’ll do, uh, ask me anything. Um, all you gotta do is, uh, email me@helloeventpac.org.
Um, and, uh, That segment of our podcast is called Mail Bag. All you gotta do is in the subject line type mail bag and ask the question that you want to answer or that you want answered. I’ll answer on the show anonymously or not. And, uh, yeah. Um, so yeah, join the Patreon. Check it out. I’ll shout out some of your names at the end of each, um, at the end of each show.
Um, it’s, it is really good stuff. So check that out. Um, also, uh, make sure you follow us on our social media. Um, it’s pretty much everywhere. It’s a single father podcast. Um, Facebook, Instagram. We have a single father podcast, uh, shop, which is really, really cool. I’ve been working on, uh, I’ve been working on the shop on Spotify.
A lot of cool stuff on there. It’s just shop.vpac.org. Um, check it out, check out some merch. I’d be happy for you guys to rock the merch. Um, if you post the merch on your, uh, social media, tag me in it. I’ll post you on my accounts. Um, so yeah, um, some good stuff there. So guys, without further ado, I think.
Let’s just get right into it. Um, I’ve had a long vacation and I’m ready to get back into the venting season with you guys. So without further ado, thank you for allowing me to vent with you.
What’s been going on? What you been up to today? Um, well I was actually yesterday. . So I work as a nanny for my sister. Um, so yesterday her and her husband went to Disneyland with some friends, and then today they asked me to join them, to go basically up to the mountains to go eat and stuff and just have like a family day together. So I went and did that today and damn, that’s about. As, as of today. But that sounds like, sounds super fun though.
Well thank you for joining me on the Single Father Podcast again.
I have Honey Maxwell here. She is content creator on TikTok. Um, probably self-proclaimed model because she’s so gorgeous. Um, how long have you been working for Victoria’s Secret, by the way? Just asking. I wish I was, but I’m not. Yeah. Thank you though. Um, . Well, I had a lot of people writing into me about you specifically and asking when I can get you on the show.
I tried and I got her. Um, tell me a little bit about you and your background and just kind of where you’re from and things like that. So I am from which, Okay. Well first of all, I would just like to, That’s crazy that people have come to you asking for me, because that’s just absurd to me. Like I don’t understand that.
But thank you. Um, so I live in California. I’ve lived here since I was like four. Um, I grew up in a smaller town, but my parents just recently moved to like the next bigger town over, uh, but have been basically living in a small town since like I was four. Not much goes on. There’s a lot of cows. Cause I live in the Central Valley.
Um, in California. In California. Maybe I’m, maybe I’m just oblivious to California. I just don’t imagine California having a lot of cows. Oh yeah. So interesting. So I say California and people are like, Oh, you’re from la. No. Right, right. I’m actually, that’s what I think. Yeah. Like. I think I’m like, like I’m like three hours away from la, but like Really?
Yeah. So people I’m closer to like Fresno. A lot of people have heard of Fresno, but I don’t live. I have heard of Fresno. Yes. Yeah, so I don’t live, live in Fresno. I live 45 minutes away from Fresno, which is smaller. So I’m like, a lot of people don’t know where my town is, and I’m like, Well, yeah, nobody really hears of it.
So I just, I usually say I’m just from Fresno because it’s the next biggest city. So you lie, but that’s okay. Yeah. Cause I mean, like, I’ll, I’ll tell ’em like where I’m from and they’re like, Where’s that? It’s like, Okay, well I’m from Fresno. And they’re like, Oh, okay. Yeah. So that gives ’em like a general idea.
Um, but yeah, I love it. I live here with, uh, my family. Like my entire family is basically here, so we just keep each other company and stuff. Yeah. You know, side note, I, I thought you had a kid at first because you’re always posting. Toddler. Yeah. On your, on your social media, but it’s your niece, is that correct?
Yes. So I don’t have kids of my own. A lot of people have asked me that, like, do the dms. They’re like, Is that your kid? I’m like, No. Like, it kind of is like, I would, I like to say, Yeah, completely thought. I like to say that my sister’s kids are my kids, but they’re not. I, I have two nieces, but I mm-hmm. have taken care of.
Just like they are my own kids. Like when my sister’s on her own or they need like the extra hand, I’m there, Which is why my sister hired me to be her nanny because she doesn’t trust daycares and stuff. So when she asked me, I was like, Yeah, I’m all for it. Like why not, you know? . Yeah, a hundred percent.
Yeah. A hundred percent. So I understand that fact though, when I was, when I had, uh, my kid and when I was looking at different daycares and things like that, it was very much kind of hard for me to entrust in someone. Mm-hmm. , you know what I mean? With your child. Yeah. And I wish I had a lot of like, Family around me.
The, the only family I really have that could be able to watch my daughter is, she’s like my, it’s my nana and she’s like 72. Oh, okay. And surprisingly, I don’t trust her to watch my daughter. . But that’s definitely like, that’s just a parent thing. And I understand that, you know, Nah.
No, it’s just because she does like suspicious things like She’ll, She does, she’s very traditional. She’ll like, let me put some alcohol in her gums when she was, you know, a younger and teething, which is, you think it’s normal, but I’m like, Ah, not really, but that. But it’s kind of the amount of alcohol that she put on the , the tissue , questionable.
It’s comfortable. Yeah, it was very questionable. Anyways, I wanted to ask you like, what, uh, what made you kind of start with TikTok? Because you are very popular. I know you say it’s hard to believe, um, that people would request you, but I did have a lot of requests from you.
And, you know, looking at your prop, your profile, I, it’s kind of hard to believe. You wouldn’t think people would regress you to be honest. Okay. So I it’s so funny that you asked, So I started TikTok, I didn’t have a TikTok for the longest time. Like I didn’t hop on the, the, the trend of like the app cuz like what TikTok came out when, um, like Covid hit kind of, you know.
Yeah. Yeah. Um, and my sister. She was like, Oh, download TikTok so I can send you videos and stuff. And I was like, No, I don’t want another like social media app, like on my phone. I don’t want it. Um, definitely ended up downloading it like months after that and had my account for like a little while, but never really posted anything.
And the things that I did post were just like things when I was bored. Um, at that time I was living with a boyfriend who ex now, but I was living with a boyfriend. We had had an apartment together and all that stuff. Um, we ended up breaking up, but I remember telling him, When we were together and I created my TikTok account, I was like, Don’t mess up.
I was like, Don’t mess up because one day I’m gonna blow up on TikTok and you’re not gonna be able to run away from me and you’re gonna see me everywhere. And I would joke about it, like, and look at you. I would joke about it like that. And then, um, , it was, I mean, it was a joke and. I didn’t really mean it seriously, but I really did not start posting until after he and I had broken up, and then my very first, Because you wanted to prove that shit, right?
You wanted to prove that shit. You’re like, Fuck you, I’m gonna blow up. Yeah. I guess I was doing it to prove him like a point or something. I don’t know if I was just being petty Yeah. Or whatnot. But I really was doing it just like for fun. Like after we broke up, because I had moved back home. I left everything that, like, I built up for like, with him moved back home and I was like, Well damn, Like now what?
And so I got bored and I started, you know, like playing around on TikTok. And then I guess, yeah, a little in a, in a way I was being a little petty, but the, my very first viral video that like blew up was just me talking shit. Like I just like allowing and. I posted it. Was it the one, I’m sorry, but what is it?
Was it the one where you’re like, I was with this dude and he answered the phone and some bitch Was there? Something like that? Yeah. No, no, I saw that one. See, that was my most recent one. And that was just a random dream. Yeah. Uh, my very first viral TikTok video was, if you scroll all the way down, like it’s all the way at the bottom.
I’m talking like, this was like last year around September, I wanna say. Yeah. And it was, It was, and I, I said, I was like, I came here to say one thing and one thing only. It’s like, Do what? Take it, how you will do with it, what you will. I said, um, What was it? It was like if his homies cheat, he also cheat.
Have a nice day and then I cut the camera and then I post. Dang. And that one was just for funsies. Oh, it was just for funsies. But I was also throwing shake because I really hated my ex’s friends. Like I hated most of ’em. Um, and I posted it and I was just like, whatever that one’s like, kind of funny. I thought it was funny.
That one was just for like shits and giggles. And then next thing I know that is funny. Next thing I know, it was like blowing up. Like I checked my phone like 10 minutes later and it was already like starting to like climax and I was like, What just happened? Like I did not even, I didn’t expect it to blow up the way that it did, but it did after that one, and then after that I was like, Wow, that’s kind of crazy
That’s kinda, Would you say the takeaway lesson is if you want to blow up talk shit about your exes, would you say that’s the takeaway? No, that’s not even the takeaway. I would just say, just post this stuff . Cause all of the like, Yeah, you can cause it people. People, um, like relatable things, you know, people like relatable things.
Yeah, absolutely. That one. Absolutely. I got a lot of tension from men too, who were like, Oh, you’re just insecure, da da da. And I was like, I said, Take, take it as you will. Like, if you’re mad about it, Absolutely mad about it. Right. Um, so then you’re doing some shit, obviously. Yeah. So it was, with that one, I was kind of just like, Well, I don’t really care what anybody has to say.
This is just for my experience, which is why I said take it how you will. Um, But I would just say like if you’re posting on TikTok and you’re posting just content and stuff, it’s, it’s very good to be just authentic and yourself, cuz that’s, that’s some shit I would say around my friend group. Like, that’s, that’s just stuff that I would say.
So if you wanna Absolutely, if you wanna like build your content, you want to be able to just really just be yourself, because that’s what’s gonna attract, like people that are like you and you want to have an audience. Can relate to you because if you can’t find a, an audience that can relate to you, you’re gonna get like a bunch of different weird people.
Well, I mean, and it’s fine. I completely agree. You know, like some people are more negative than others and you don’t really want that. So the, the key is to just really be yourself and let the people that are like you find you. That’s, that’s what I’ve think about you. You, you know what I really love about your, your TikTok though, and kind of.
Persona in, in general is your, I feel like you are really authentic because, you know, it, it’s, everyone’s experienced this going like scrolling through TikTok and you see the same person doing the same video a million times in a row. And I’m like, Okay, that’s, you know, it’s cool and I, I get it and there is an audience for that, but I think there’s more of an audience for authenticity and doing something different.
Like, you know, the first person to do something, You know what I’m saying? And I feel like. You kind of have that vibe to you where it’s, it’s authentic. I don’t see you really following everyone else’s trend. I feel like you just, you’re, you’re doing your own thing, which I really love about you. Thank you so much.
Um, there was, I’ve seen a lot of stuff on TikTok that like try to help people grow their TikTok and a lot of ’em are like, you wanna build a niche, like stick to a niche, stick with that like, you know, format. Yeah. I can’t do. I’m one of those people that I can’t really do the trends. Like there, there will be some trends where I’m like, Oh, that’s really cool.
And then I can’t put myself into that trend because I literally can’t relate to it. You know what I mean? And it’s not that I’m gonna try to force myself like there’s like trending sounds. Some of ’em, which I really love, I can’t do just because I’m like, well, I’m not gonna make something up to try to relate to that because that’s not really, Yeah.
You know, like that’s not, that’s kind of fake and I don’t really wanna do. So the whole pick a niche thing, like try to follow a format like it, it wasn’t for me. I, I did that in the beginning of my ticks and like some of them did well, but I feel like the more that I did ticks, the more that I would speak and just be myself on camera.
That’s the ones that like really blew up and people would interact more to it. So I like that better. Oh yeah. I Authenticity wins every time, all the. Every time. So I, I completely agree with you. Oh, well, one of the things I was gonna ask you though, and you know what my podcast is about, talking about, you know, mental health relationships and so on and so forth, uh, is reading in between the lines, it seems like you, are you like you’re single now?
Yes. Yeah, I am. and, and I’m just, I’m just gonna, I’m just gonna be blunt. It seems like your ex was, was he a cheater? Yeah. Uh, yeah. . I, Okay. So , it was, the situation was complicated. Um, I do take responsibility for, for the way that I handled things, just because it would’ve been easier to leave. You know, there’s always that, well, you should have just left.
And I’ve heard that so many times before and it’s like, you’re right, I should have left, but I didn’t, and these were the consequences of me not leaving. And so you, so you took ’em back the first time, is what you’re saying? I did. Mm-hmm. because it was just a lot, but I mean, there was a lot of love there, so it was like, well, if you’re really sorry, yeah, you can work on it, but.
Well, how long were you guys dating for, uh, before he cheated or like throughout the entire relationship?
uh, . Before he cheated. Before he cheated before. I don’t even remember. I wanna say we were together for a year before he cheated. We were together for a year, like a solid year. Okay. Well, I don’t wanna say that makes sense, but I will say that, you know, if you built up something with someone, you’re living with them.
Right. And then, And which I think, by the way, and I don’t know him so I can say that it’s disrespectful on his end. Okay. He’s living with you. Okay, but people aren’t living and uh, that’s what I’m saying, the comp the situation. Okay, gotcha. But like, there was still a lot of love there and I was like, okay, well if you really, we really wanna make this work, then fine.
I’ll give you, you know, another chance, whatever. Um, but yeah, go on . Go on. Still the connection we were together for. Well, I, you know what I mean? It was like a year. Yeah. A little. Yeah, there is a lot. It was a hiccup, but was it one of those things where, you know how you see those girls who are kind of like, which I don’t know if I agree with or not, but they’re like, What would you do if it was like the, the like first month of you guys dating, he cheated on you and he admitted it to you and now you guys are a year in.
And I was like, The first month, that would be easier to get over. Or was it something like you guys were deep in and he still fucked? Like, Which was it for you? Yeah, it was like we were deep in and like he fucked up and I was, I was kind of like, Whoa, damn. Yeah. I was like, well damn. Like. If, if he had cheated like sooner, like say a month in, I would’ve, it would’ve been easier to leave.
I’ve been like, I don’t wanna play games like that. And obviously if you’re gonna be doing that already a month in, like what could you do later on? You know what I mean? Yeah. So that’s how I, how I looked at it. Absolutely. Um, but a year in, I was like, Do I really, Can we like, is it real? Are we really gonna throw that away?
And he, he did the thing where it was. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Like things like that, like he really did aol and I thought he was being very genuine with his apology, and he did the things that was like, I promise, like I’ll change and I’ll do better, and like I won’t let it happen again.
Like, and for a little while it was really good, like for a little while. You know, he really did try to work on things, but I think it was just, it, it, it got really toxic. Like after that. Wow. So like it, unfortunately I’m drinking wine and not tea. But tell me the tea. So like did, how did you find out? Was it there?
Was he upfront or did you just find out? Okay, so here is where it gets complicated. So how big have you’ve seen friends, Have you seen friends? The show friends. Okay, so Rachel and Ross were on a break. The break. Exactly. So what? They were on a break. Okay. So that’s kind of what happened in my situation. So, Oh, so he had asked for a break.
Right. But in the very beginning of our relationship, , we had talked about breaks being in a relationship and he was always very set on, right? I don’t believe in breaks, like what are breaks in a relationship, like if we’re in it together, like we’re gonna work through whatever, like there are no taking breaks.
So right later on in the relationship, he asked for a break and I threw that in his face and I said, Why do you wanna break? You told me you don’t believe in those, so why are you asking for one now? And Right. I tried to be as understanding as I could and he said like, you know, it’s just things are like too much for me.
I just need some time. Like alone, da da da da. Which was funny because like we weren’t living together. He was living in Fresno and I was living like 45 minutes away. So it was like, this is kind of odd, but I’m gonna respect you and like give you that because this is what you’re asking of me. And I tried to be as supportive as I could be.
You know, being a girlfriend. So I said, Yeah, you know, like, take whatever mental breaks you need, like whatever. Um, he told me, he was like, I’m not doing this because I wanna sleep with other people. That was red flag number one, cuz I had not even brought that up. But he brought it up himself, right? He, he brought it up.
He brought it up and I said, Okay. Like, okay, I’m full trust. Like whatever, do what you gotta do. I think the break lasted like a solid three days. So he had slept with a girl like within the first night of breaking up with me, or the second night of breaking up with me and then came back, like drove to my house and came back like devastated.
And I was just like, What is going on with you? And he was like, I’m so sorry. Like, I don’t wanna break. Like I It’s you. It’s only you. Like, like it’s, I don’t know what I was thinking. Like, I swear, like I, I realized like, if it’s not you, like I don’t want to just sleep around with like random bitches and da da da da.
And I was like, he brought that out again, like just randomly. And I said, Well, so did you sleep with someone? And he goes, No, no, it’s nothing like that. But I’m just saying. And I was like, Okay. I was like, , but you ain’t dumb. But honey marshal ain’t dumb. Stupid. All right. I wasn’t stupid. Like I caught that.
Yeah. And so he said that and then, um, he drove me back to his apartment. He was living with his sisters at the time. Like they all shared an apartment together. But he drove me back there. And we were supposed to go out with like a couple of friends that night, the night that we got back together after like being on a break for three days.
And I get to his apartment and I swear like this was like the most mind blowing shit that I’d ever experienced in my entire life. So I walk into his room and like the bed’s like made, but like messy made. and I’m putting my stuff down and I see a condom wrapper on his dresser. And then I see a pillow, oh my God, a pillow stuffed, um, between his bed frame and the wall.
And then I opened up his drawer and it was a picture frame that I had created a collage of pictures of us tucked inside his sock drawer. And I, Oh my God was shaking. I was. What the is this? And he was like, No, it’s not what it looks like. I swear. I said, Why is there a pillow right there? Like, what does that do here?
Yeah. I was like, And why is our picture put away? I was like, And what is this condom wrapper doing on your dresser? And he was like, First, he was like, First let me go shower. And I . I was like, Shower, you wanna go shower? I was like, You have all this evidence right in front of me and you wanna go shower? So whatever.
He goes and showers and I’m like freaking out in his bedroom and like at this point I’m like shaking and crying, just pissed. Cause I already know. I already know. So I’m gonna ask him. Obviously he gets out of the shower and I go, What, what is going on? What did you do? I was like, What did you do? And he was like, No, I was using the condom to like, you know, like, like basically like please himself.
But he was using the, and I was like, Beat us meat. And I was like, You’re a effing liar. I was like, You’re lying right now. I was like, How are you gonna sit here and lie me? I was like, there’s no, there’s literally a pillow like tucked between your bed frame and your wall and our pictures put away. I was like, How are you gonna sit here and lie to me and just be honest.
And he was like, tried to go with that lie for like, I don’t even know how long, like a good solid 10 minutes before I started just like going in on him like, What the fuck did you like, I mean, I was going crazy. And um, he then finally said it and he was like, Yes, okay, yeah, I slept with somebody else. And I was like, Okay.
I was like, You’re trash. I was like, I cannot fucking believe you. I was like, You’re a liar and you’re cheating. You’re a snake. And he was like, Well, we were on a break. I was like, Bro, but you literally said that you weren’t gonna do this on the break. I was like, So you’re not a cheater, but you’re a fucking liar and that maybe that’s worse.
I was like, That’s worse, and you’re sitting here lying about it. Um, yeah, and then I asked who it was because I had an idea about who it was, and I think. Oh shit. I kind of knew who it was because there was this girl from his workplace that was like messaging him and I would tell him like, I don’t, that’s not comfortable with me.
I was like, Take her off cuz like she was on his Snapchat and I was like, take her off. So he did. And then one day I was on his Snapchat cuz we were on it together. Yeah, yeah. He had me. He handed me his phone and like she was right back there, like in his chat screen, and I was like, What is she doing back there?
Why is she there? Like, if you had already told me you took her off, She’s like, Oh, well maybe like, she added me back and then took her off in front of me. Um, so that night that, that happened, I was like, Well, who did you sleep with? And he was like, Nobody that, you know, like it was just random. Like, I downloaded Tinder and da da da da.
I was like, So you’re telling me. You downloaded Tinder and found a girl in like two seconds. I was like, That’s no. I was like, Let’s be fucking real. I was like, That’s not what. And he was like, No, I swear, like it was somebody from Tinder, like, I don’t even know her, da da da da. I was like, Alright. Like, just sitting there trying, trying let, letting him think that I believed it, um, the entire time I knew who it was, uh, but I was trying to let him, so it was that girl.
I didn’t, he didn’t confess to it until like, maybe like three months later because he was having. Mental breakdown and anxiety and da, da da. And he decided to tell me, like, finally tell me who it was. In the middle of us hanging out with my family, like we were all hanging out with my family and in my living room, in my house, just randomly hanging out.
And he sat down and he was having like a panic attack and he sat down, he goes, I’m so sorry. And I was like, Where is this come from? And he was like, I, I lied to you and you know who it is. I was like, What are you talking about? He’s like, The girl that I slept with, you know who it is? And I was like, No, I don’t.
I was like, He told me it was a girl from Tinder. He was like, Honey, you know who it is. It was the girl from work and we were sitting on the couch and he was telling this to me quietly. Well, my entire family was like in the living room and I . I started laughing. Oh my God. I started laughing. I was like, This is the worst fucking possible time to be telling me this shit.
So I was laughing and I was like, Yeah. I was like, Honestly. I was like, You can go fuck yourself. And I was laughing and he got up from the couch and went to my room and cried or something. And I remember walking . I remember walking into my room and comforting him because I was. This is so fucking bizarre, but like you’re literally having a mental breakdown.
I did. I was comforting him the entire time throughout the entire process. Like it was me trying to comfort him and all that shit, and I was just like, Oh my gosh, what the fuck am I doing here? So like the, to the, the toxicity came after all of that. Like I really, I wanna say that I really try to make things work after.
I got Honey Maxwell here again on the Single Father podcast. I was talking to her. We lost a little, uh, uh, connection there, but she was basically telling me how she basically, she got manipulated into babysit. A baby. Really? She, she had manipulated into like dating a baby a child. Yeah. Um, which is pretty awful.
And I think the last, the last thing you said there was you were going into your room and you had to, basically comfort him after you just admitted to cheating on you if the woman that you knew. Yeah. Which is awful. And we, we, we can get off the subject soon, but I just wanted to like point out how just awful that is and how he sounds like a, a typical fuckboy.
Horrible . It was horrible. And the funny thing is about that though, is that I didn’t tell anybody, Like, I did not tell a single soul that that happened. Um, so I was keeping it all to myself trying to deal with it Really? Yes. On my own. And it drove me insane. Like, it literally drove me crazy because he didn’t really want me to tell anybody, obviously, because they would be like, Honey, leave him.
Um, so I kept it to myself and I tried to deal with it on my own. And for the longest time, it literally just drove me mad and he knew that it drove me mad, like I started acting like a psycho person. Um, and when I finally, when things finally ended between us, I finally told like my best friend, like my best friend that I tell everything to, I didn’t tell her.
And so when we ended the relationship, I finally told her and she just looked at me and she was like, You’ve been going through all that on your own, and you didn’t tell me. And I was like, because I knew what everybody would say. You, everybody would tell me to leave him. And I wasn’t ready yet. I was like, I, I, I guess I wasn’t ready.
And I didn’t want anybody to know, He didn’t want me to tell anybody. So I did. And she just, the, the amount of pain that she had for me when I told her was like sickening, Like it broke my own heart again all over again when I had to tell her and. Her what? After I told everybody, they kind of just looked at me and they were like, I can’t believe you went through all that.
And I was like, Yeah, well, the shit you do for love, I guess, But yeah. But did it crazy? Did it kind of, did it kind of empower you when you finally said, Okay, this is enough? Like, did you feel good about it? Like, did you feel like, okay, this is, this is what always needed to happen? Yeah, like the night, the night that I left, that story was crazy to you.
Like I’m telling you, the entire relationship after me finding out that he had slept with the person, he literally told me not to worry about It changed the relationship in a way where it was. We had bad days that were really, really, really, really bad and we would just not leave each other alone. And then we had really, really, really good days that made it seem like, okay, this is definitely worth fighting for.
But the bad days, um, started to outweigh all the good stuff, um, towards the end. And I think that’s what made me finally, finally like, go. And the, the night that I left, that story was insane. And I tell it to people when they ask and I’m, They . They’re like, What the hell? And I’m like, Yeah. But I mean, when I finally, finally left it, it did take some time for me to like be certain of that decision.
Cuz there was still a part of me that was like, Well, what if this isn’t right? What if I’m supposed to stay and fight for it? Um, and that lasted for maybe like a month or two after like me actually leaving. Um, but when it was all done, I think it was, it was really just, I was like, I’m never going back to that ever.
Like ever. No, no. I, But you watch shit, You ever Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. That sounds just completely awful. Um, and so it sounds like your, your ex there was having like a little panic attack, but have you ever had struggles with like, mental health or anxiety attacks before in the past or I, I have had, So it, in high school, I’m 23 now, so this was like years I want to say. Um, in high school, I wanna say my freshman year, I started, started getting really, really bad anxiety. Um, I was, even, even as a kid though, I was always kind of like a very shy, nervous kid. Like no matter what I did, I was always kind of nervous.
But when high school came around, it really liked, it, really peaked it, and it peaked in a way that was so uncomfortable. And I don’t really understand how I did any things, any of the things that I did do in high school because I had such bad anxiety. But I really went through a lot of depression too. Um, oh, at one point I like begged my parents to let me go on home studies because I could not deal with the fact that I had to go up, like get up every day out of bed and go to school.
Like, it just really, put a dent in a lot of things. Like I was so unhappy with it all and I, I begged my parents, I was like, Please let me go like on home studies. And they, they were so against it cuz they worked a lot. So they were like, No, because like, we can’t be here for you, like when you’re home by yourself, like teaching yourself things and da da da.
And I was like, Okay. So I really pushed through, but for as long as I can remember, since high school, I dealt with really bad anxiety and depression. Um, even before, What were you, what were you depressed about though? Like, when you say like, I just can’t deal with it all. What, what was, what were the things that you couldn’t deal with?
See, that’s the thing. I don’t have like real answers for that. Like, I, so I tell people this all the time and it’s like, it’s, it was that type of thing where it was like, you don’t really know where it’s coming from because I didn’t have a bad life. Like, I didn’t grow up like, you know, in an abusive household or anything.
Like, there was no real, like, right, um, like tangible reason for me to feel the way that I felt. It was just, it just, that’s how I felt. Um, and even explaining that to my parents for the longest time because they knew that I, there was something off and they couldn’t really understand it. So they would always ask me like, What can we do to help you?
Like, how are you feeling? Why are you feeling this way? And I didn’t have answers. And it, it caused like a really bad breakdown for me at one point. And my parents were so confused and they, they felt sorry because they didn’t know what they could do to help me. Um, they, they ended up like having me try, try out therapy and go to a therapist, and I went for like three sessions and then I said, No, it’s fine.
Like, I don’t wanna be like that. Like, I don’t need it. Like, I’ll fix myself or whatever. Um, and it took a long, it took a long time because I didn’t go back to therapy after those three sessions, and I just kept feeling the way that I felt for the longest time. Um, and eventually, eventually I just had to sort through my own shit.
Like, I really had to sit down with myself and be like, Okay, well what’s really going on here? Uh, before I finally like, dug myself out of it, I, I would say that I’m not as depressed now. Like, I don’t really feel the way that I once felt. Um, and I’m, and I’m not very anxious either. Like some days. Have more anxiety than other days.
But normally I’m like, Okay. But I went through that in high school and there, there was no explanation for it. There wasn’t a real solid reason for me to be like, Oh yeah, this is why I’m feeling like this, or whatever. It was just one of those things that just came up and, and I, I couldn’t really explain it.
I get like that all the time where you just kind of don’t even know really why you’re depressed. You’re just kind of like, Hey, I think I’m depressed this week. You know what I mean? Yeah. Um, and you really can’t point, like you could say, Oh, I think it’s this, but then you really don’t know. Mm-hmm. , I, I completely get what you mean.
But what, what was the deal with therapy though? Why didn’t you like it? Was it just the person, Was it the, the, like was it just the fact that you’re going to therapy that you didn’t like? Well, what about that was kind of like unappealing to you? Yeah, So I had a really bad attitude , um, when I was a teenager, , like really bad.
Like it was. It was so bad that my parents were just like, Okay, she can do whatever she wants cuz we’re not gonna deal with it if she like goes off. Um, and I reflect back on that now and I think about the times that I did go to therapy for those three sessions and I was so stubborn cuz I didn’t want to be helped.
Like, I wasn’t ready for someone to come in and say, Here are all the things like that you need to work on. Because like, initially that’s exactly what it was like, now that I look back on it, like I was just so unhappy with myself, I think. And when I, when my parents said therapy, I was like, What the f I was like, I’m not gonna go.
I ended up going just to see like, if that would help them feel better. Cause I really did feel like shit for making them feel like shit for not being able to help me. So I went hoping like, oh, like, you know, like, maybe, maybe this will make them feel better, make like, let them see that I’m like, I’m, I want to get better.
But I really wasn’t in. In a place of like, like readiness to get the help. So when I went and I sat down with the lady, I was like so stubborn. I didn’t say a word. We sat there for like an hour. We had like an hour session and she was like, Okay, just let’s just talk. And I said, Okay. And stop there. and did not say a word.
And I was like, I don’t really want to do this. Like, it wasn’t, my attitude was like, I’m, I don’t need this. Like, I don’t need therapy. Like I’m fine. Is what it was. Like my brain switched and I was like, I don’t actually need this. Like, I don’t wanna be here. Um, I ended up going twice after that first session and this like the second time I talked a little bit more.
And the third time I did talk a little bit more and I was like, Okay, maybe I can do this. Like maybe, maybe this is a good thing. And then my brain switched back and I was like, Actually no, I don’t need it. Like, I can fix myself. It’s fine. So then I didn’t go back and then I started doing things with things like on my own, or at least I tried to, I was in a rut there for a little while, if I’m gonna be honest with you.
Yeah. But those were all personal decisions, like there I had, so every person in my family like tried to help me and I was not ready to receive help yet. and that’s what it came down to. I just wasn’t ready. I thought I didn’t need it, like I could do it on my own. Um, I was very against like listening to others’ advice because I was like, You don’t really know though, like you don’t know what I’m going through, so how can you give me advice?
That was the mindset that I had, um, for the longest time. I get it. So yeah. I get it completely. It, it’s interesting cuz when you feel like that, you kind of feel like, Well, listen, I, I, I really, I really do, uh, like connect with you on that because I remember when I was going through therapy a little bit as a teenager, kind of the similar situation, but like, I was like, Dude, I don’t want to do this.
Like, you don’t really know what I’m going through. I feel awful and I don’t really, really want to talk to you. Yeah. You know what I mean? I don’t wanna talk to some stranger. Yeah. Who’s saying like, these are the things that’s wrong with you. Yeah. And although I do support therapy, like I get what I completely get what you’re saying because like, it’s like, Yeah.
I don’t wanna talk to some stranger, I don’t wanna talk to anyone, period. Mm-hmm. , you know what I mean? Yeah. It’s kinda, I I I get it. And you’re just kinda like a little ang I was a pretty bad teenager myself. Like I, I was kind of , just angry and just, I don’t know. You think that you’re right about, and it’s only until you get older you’re like, Yeah, maybe, Maybe they were right a little bit.
Yeah. , you know, that’s, that was me for the longest time, so I get it. And now that you’re living with your family though, do you feel like your family was. I mean, were they instrumental in your kind of anxiety or depression, or do they really help you in kind of figuring that out? What, what? Like are you close with them or No?
Oh, I’m so close with them. Like my family and I like when people who don’t come from like close families come to my house and see how my family is together. They’re kind of like, What is happening here? Like, they get confused. Yeah. Um, yeah. And they’re like, What? And I’m like, This is just how we are. Like, we’re all friends.
Like, yes, he’s my dad, but he’s also a buddy. And yes, he’s my mom, but also we like to talk shit like, like that’s how my family is. Like we’re just very close. Um, we weren’t always like that. Mm-hmm. obviously no. Family is perfect, but we all really grew into it and we all, I don’t know, I guess since, since getting older, we all kind of just started trying to under understand each other.
And so, yeah, like now we’re all just like a Brady Bunch. Like that’s what we call ourselves. Like there’s not much of us, but like, we’re really a Brady. Like we’re so close. It’s kind of insane. I love that. I love that. Really. I really do. I no, I, I get what you mean because sometimes I feel jealous when I go over at people’s houses and their families are all like together or whatever, you know?
Yeah. And then it is kind of like, Wow, I really admire and, and want that. And it’s something that I really strive for with my daughter as well. Cuz, cuz I mean, obviously I’m a single father mm-hmm. and, um, uh, I share custody with my daughter, but one of the things I really kinda strive for is to make her feel like she can tell me anything.
Like, we’re like, we’re best friends, basically, you know? Yeah. It’s very important. It scares me sometimes because she can really, like, you know, she can scare me like she yells at me , but, um, she, you know, I really do want to make her feel like we’re, we’re just best friends. Yeah. And I, That’s what, what you described is exactly what I want.
Yes. I hope, I hope it’s like that. And then, and your, your dad is kinda like that too, from what I gather, right? He’s really supportive. Yes. And you can feel like you could tell him anything? Oh, yeah. Um, like, like I said, we weren’t always like that for, for a long time. My parents were very like into work, Like they just worked a lot.
Um, so being able to talk to him wasn’t really like one of those things that my sisters and I would do just because they worked so much and they were always so stressed out about like, you know, just parenting things, you know? And I, my sisters and I really like relied on each other growing up. Um, but now that my parents are older and that it was us girls have gotten older, we’ve all kind of, I guess my parents realize like, Oh shit, like, my kids like, need me more than just like to be, you know, like someone who puts the roof over their heads and puts food on the table.
Like, we really need to be like their friends. Like we need to be someone that they can come to and stuff like that. Um, so I don’t know. Somewhere along the way my parents just like, Switched roles instead of just being like working parents. They were just like, everything they turned out to be everything that like a kid would really want.
It’s kind of weird to say that because growing up I really looked up to my parents, but they, it was hard to like talk about things with them. Um, so yeah, so it was, it was kind of weird growing up, but not in a bad way. Just in a way that I felt like I couldn’t really communicate my feelings and they’d like actually listen.
Uh, but now that we’re all older, when I tell them things and I talk to ’em, they sit there and they’re like, Okay, well yeah. Like I get that. Like this was what I did when I was a kid and like, you’re about that same age. So like, what do you think you could do? And, you know, they, they help advise more now, I would say.
Um, but it did take work from my end. My sister’s ends, their ends like, it, it really takes everybody to wanna make it work that way and not just like one person, you know what I mean? So I should quit my job is basically what you’re saying. No, no, no, no, because my parents still work. My parents still work a lot.
Um, they, they’re very hard workers. Um, but like, like I said, like growing up, like they worked so much. Like I really rarely ever saw my mother. Like she worked all the time and my dad was the dad that, that would cook dinner, you know, clean, clean up the kitchen and stuff, and like make sure we were in bed, showered and like, he did all like the motherly things.
I would wanna say, like , he did all the motherly things because his job was, was like, he would wake up at three in the morning and then be home by the time we got off for school. But my mom, she worked like, like wow. Six in the morning and then wouldn’t get home until like after we were already in bed because of curfew.
So it was kind of like that. Um, so they worked a lot and they tried to be there. Uh, my dad was very present though. He’s very present. Like he, because his job allowed him to like, you know, call off days and stuff and he would be there for every freaking, like, field trip. Every, you know, my mom was there for all the awards ceremonies, like, I love it.
They did, they did their parts. Both of them did what they could with what they had, um, is what it was. But I don’t know. I feel like somewhere along the way I was just very, I was very, like, I don’t wanna, I saw how much they worked for us girls to give us everything that we could possibly have. And I felt like, I guess I felt as a kid, like I don’t wanna burden them with like, feelings, like my feelings to say, Hey, mom and dad, like, I’m sad about this because like, just because I’m sad about it, but like, you guys are already doing the best that you can as parents.
Like, I didn’t really, I think maybe that’s where it comes from because I didn’t wanna just add another load to like things. Things that they were already doing. Right. And be like, Hey, by the way, there’s this though. And it’s like, I just didn’t want them to feel bad because I felt like something was off.
Even though I, like, they’re doing things the best they could, I think is what it is. Well, listen, that’s the burden for every parent is you work hard to take care of your family, but you don’t have any time to spend with them. Yeah. So it’s nice that like, at a, at a older age, you are able to get that with them and be so close.
Yeah. Um, but I am compelled to ask you though, like, you know, angry teenager dealing with anxiety and depression. If you weren’t going to therapy, how did you deal with those things and kind of overcome that a little bit? So, I , I went about going, doing things the way that I wanted to do them. I kept my bad attitude.
I kept, you know, I don’t, it was just, it was awful. Like I look back at it now and. It was horrible. Uh, my sister said one thing, , my sister, my oldest sister, and she was like the rebel out of all of us girls. Like I would say. She was like, she really, she really. But, um, anyways, you putting her on blast. She like, she’s great though now. Like she learned through like with her stuff and all the things that she did. And so with me, I was like, Well, I wanna do whatever I want. And so my attitude is my attitude and no one can change me. And I just had that mentality. But one day she told me one thing that really fucking hurt my feelings.
And I was like, All right, you gotta cut this shit. You gotta figure out what’s going on with you because this is not okay. She sat, she didn’t even sit me down, she kind of just like came to me and was like, Nobody fucking likes you because everybody has to walk on eggshells with you and nobody likes a person like that.
And she was like, So if you don’t wanna change yourself, well then you can just be by yourself for the rest of your life, because nobody’s gonna deal with it. . And I was like, Oh, that hurt me so much. And I was like, You gotta figure it out. Like, and you gotta figure it out fast because you’re losing your sisters.
And I think, and like my parents were like scared of me and my attitude and it was kind of just like an ugly feeling after that. And after that I was kind of just like, All right, you need to, you need to shut the fuck up and just sit with yourself for a little while and just figure it out. Like really figure it out.
Yeah. So that’s what I did. Like, I just, I toned it down, you know, like I still had like a few outbursts here and there obviously, cause it was gonna fix itself overnight. Um, but I really sat down and was like, Alright bro, like figure this out. Like re like recognize your triggers, what’s going on here? Like, why do you feel this, this way?
Like, and I sat there and I like, I got help from my brother-in-law as well though cuz he’s a very, I would say he’s wise, he’s very intelligent. He read, he reads a lot of books. . So when he, because he asked you if you were alive recently, right? Yeah, yeah. He asked me, He was like, Are you alive? And I was like, Brad, I don’t even know if I’m like a human being.
Um, but he, he , but he’s like very, he’s very intelligent and I don’t, like, I don’t even everybody that meets him loves him because he is like the wisest person that we know. You can go to him for anything and he’ll have advice to give you, or he’ll have a story to tell you that will lead you to the right, the right way.
I don’t, it’s, it’s crazy, but I got a lot of help from him. Um, and again, this is because I wanted help. I finally wanted to get better. I wanted to feel better. I didn’t want to continue like being the way that I was. Um, and he was very, he was very, um, like gentle with it all. He was, he would say like, Hey, I know sometimes people don’t want help, but like, if you ever finally want help, like let me know I can help you.
Like he and he would put that out there. Yeah, he would understand that. You know, like, I wasn’t ready to be helped yet, but then he, he let me know like, when you’re ready, like, I’m here to help you. Like we can talk, you can talk about whatever. I’ll sit and I’ll listen. You know? Um, so right. So it was him and my oldest sister that really, really kind of like, didn’t push me, but they really encouraged me.
Like, I can, I don’t have to be like that. And they knew cuz they knew I was with them all the time. Like they were the people that I hung out with the most, I wanna say apart from like my school friends and stuff. But they really knew who I was, like deep down. And they knew that I, I wasn’t just the, the angry honey with the bad attitude.
Like they knew that wasn’t really me. Um, so they really helped encourage me to like figure out what the hell is going on. So you can not feel like that anymore. and not be like that anymore. I, I feel like in a way, like you knew that wasn’t you too, right? Yes. Like you, you’re, you’re kinda like, you know, this isn’t me.
Yeah. And you wanted to get better. Yeah, I did. Um, I was, yeah, and that’s really inspiring. You gotta, you have to recognize it within yourself is, I would say, because for the longest time, like I knew that wasn’t who I was and it’s not the person that I wanted to be either. But I, something just made me very angry, and I like switched roles because growing up as a kid, like I was, I was a sweetheart.
Like all my teachers would always be like, Oh, Honey’s like one of the nicest students. Like, she helps others, you know, she’s very caring, honest, and yada, yada, yada. Um, and I don’t, I really don’t know like where the rules switched for me, but like, I got to high school and I was just like angry all the time.
Um, and then eventually I was like, this is not even me. Like, it was like some sort of like crazy facade or whatever that was going on, but like, I. It was like, this is, It was tiring too. It was like, it was like exhausting, like being the mean girl or like being mean to everybody. Oh yeah. So I was like, I enough is enough.
It, it’s so interesting you say that too, because I feel like we have very similar situations, but yet very different at the same time. Like, I remember when I was in high school, my parents were getting a divorce and things like that. Mm-hmm. , I was just so angry at the world and I was kinda like angry at just everyone around me.
Mm-hmm. , you know what I mean? And like I had, I had to go to foster care for a day and I think that pissed me off. And, and when I got to college I felt like I was really just kind of this asshole. Like I, and which is a lot of reason why I do this podcast in general is cuz I feel like people got a, people got to see a version of me that wasn’t really myself.
Mm-hmm. . It was kind of like the, it was kind of like just the angry version of myself, you know, just angry. And I had something so similar where this girl that I was, um, uh, very familiar with, she comes up to me one day and just like, Dude, kind exactly what your sister told you. It was like, Dude, you’re, you’re, this isn’t good.
Like, you know, no one’s really vibing with kind of the personality that you have and who you are becoming and things like that. And it su it. When I say it hurt my feelings. I mean, it really is. It breaks your heart. Hurt hurt me. Poor. Yeah. Yeah, it did. You know, cuz you always think that, but you don’t want someone to Yeah.
And someone finally said that and you’re like, Fuck. Like, damn. Like, yeah. I’m like, ouch. Mm-hmm. , you know, and you wanna get angry, but you’re like, Dude, you, you know. Yeah. Um, and I, and I, and I really had to make a change. You know, it takes time for people to kind of, um, you know, cause I always say this, I know some people who saw me in college.
Maybe your opinion of me is set in stone, but for others, you know, there’s more of me at to see. And it’s kind of just seeing a different side of someone because you never really know what someone’s going through. Mm-hmm. . And so the fact that you’re able to recognize that about yourself is, I think it’s, it’s so important.
It really is. Yeah. I totally get it. I mean, I feel the exact same way though, cuz like you say, people like in college might have perceived you like completely different because they saw only like the angry version of you. There’s probably a ton of people that look at me and think, Oh, she’s probably just a pitch for life because like, that’s who I was for so long, you know?
Um, people now though, probably see. And they’re like, Who the fuck is she? Because she’s like completely different. Like, I’m much lighter, like, like energy wise, um, than I used to be. You know what I mean? Like your energy definitely carries Absolutely. Like, I, it was very heavy, uh, for me growing, like, not growing up, but like in high school a lot.
I didn’t have like a big group of friends and stuff. And like the people who were outside of my friend group only ever saw like, Oh, don’t mess with honey. Like, she’s ki like, she kind of has an attitude and she’s kind of like one of those girls and stuff like that. Um, but like the people that really knew me mm-hmm.
knew that like, oh, she’s really not that bad. But like, that was just that hard shell that I had that was just like angry. And yeah, I do have an attitude. Don’t like make me use it, like stuff like that. Um, but now, now, yeah, now my mom looks at me and she’s like, You’re a completely different person. She’s like, you’re the little five year old that I remember that would run around the house just like.
Being sweet and like, you know, she’s like, you would really come back to yourself. That’s what my mom told me after, after like months of like trying to figure my shit out. Um, which was really nice to hear because I finally felt like, yeah, this is, this is really me. Like I’m not that mean person that is rude and like, has an attitude all the time.
Um, like I still can be like, I can be obviously to defend myself when need be, but like, that’s not who I am as a person. And so when that came from my mom, I was like, that feels good because now I really know, like someone, like I kind of felt it in myself that I was coming back home to me, but having someone say it to me was a real confirmation.
Like, yeah, I’m on the right path. And I’m, I’m like really putting in the work to like be who I am again. Oh yeah. So that was nice. Oh yeah. Cuz you can feel, Yeah. You, you, you can feel when you’re like, Okay, I’m, I’m getting back to who mm-hmm. I am. You know, you can feel that. Th That’s interesting though. I, I mean, it really is just to, to hear different perspective from, you know, your point of view, but being on tapes out though, where you put yourself out there.
Yeah. And I think you mentioned before, you know, you have some, there’s even some haters out there who say this and that. How do you deal with that? Because that’s just complete strangers. It, it is probably vulnerable. Putting yourself, yourself out there and saying, Okay, this is me. And having someone comment this or that, you know?
Yeah. I don’t really , I don’t, I don’t like to, like, I’ll obviously I see them, um, in the beginning stages of my TikTok. Uh, there were times where I would respond to some of them and just like have a sly like, remark back, like something really fucking mean. Yeah. Uh, just because that’s, but that’s my, that’s my personality too.
Like if someone says something to me, I always have like a very quick remark to say back and now, Yeah. My TikTok is kind of, I don’t want, I don’t know if I wanna say it’s growing, but it has more followers than it used to. I used to only have like 10 k. It’s growing. It’s like, yeah. So, so now when I get hate comments, like I’ll read through them and some of them are j, most of them actually are just angry men.
Um, which I don’t understand, cuz I’m like, I’m a 23 year old girl just talking shit on the internet. Like, why are you so, like, why are you really angry? Um, so I sit there and I, I think about it and I’m like, well, they must be going through their own insecurities to really feel a type of way. So like, I don’t bother responding back.
Like sometimes I do, if, if what I have to say is not that mean. Um, but most of the time I’ll hurt people. Yeah. So most of the time I just read it and I’m like, Whatever. Like you, I don’t know you, you don’t even know me. And most of the time I feel like they are receiving my TikTok tos, like completely wrong.
Anyways. Most of the shit that I post is like a joke, Like un, unless it’s being like dead serious, which usually I’m not, um, it’s just a joke. And if, if that, if it flies over your head, it flies over your head, I really have no control over how you perceive me. Um, so, and it’s none of my business really.
Like, you’ll put it out there on, on social media. People have their own opinions about you. I mean, people talk shit. Everybody talks shit. And it’s like, all right, like now what? Like, you talked your shit. Now what? Like, I , it’s not gonna change my day. You know what I mean? So I don’t really deal with it. I, I like to read them and laugh out loud.
Sure. But like, other than that, I don’t really engage anymore.
I I totally feel you. I I, I imagine it’s a different situation for me, I, I’m, I, I, I feel like I’m so busy. I’m not really on social media that much. Like I post what I have to post and then I kind of, You know, I kind of go back to whatever, but I imagine there’s a lot of different, Yeah.
Like you kind of said in man. Yeah. I imagine there’s some inappropriate comment. I imagine there’s like people just being, being addicted to be a dick. So it, But you’re saying it kind of, that’s like the lowest form of your like, worries. You don’t really care about that. Yeah. No, because like you watched the video anyways.
I’m like, you watched the video, now you’re commenting, if anything, you’re just gaining me more views. Yeah. So like, thank you for that. I mean, like the, the comment was, I like the comment ugly, but like you took your time to post it on there. So like that’s cool. Like, you know what I mean? Yeah. So it’s whatever.
Yeah. You’re like, I’m doing my job somehow on that. Yeah. Straight up. That’s exactly how I think of it. , I like that. I like that a lot. So, um, for any, um, cuz it seems like you’re really down to earth, really kind of like a, a person that people should, you know, look up to, if I may say, Oh, what, what, what is your advice for some, you know, young TikTok to creators who may be women?
Cause I don’t have that voice, right? Mm-hmm. , uh, maybe who women who. Or maybe experiencing some of that anxiety or angst about maybe posting online or about just dealing with mental health in general. Like, do you have something now that you do to kind of balance yourself out or, you know what I’m saying?
Yeah. So, okay. So I don’t know if this is gonna be on that topic, but I would just think about this the other day. Um, posting on social media, you think a lot about like, Oh, how are people going to perceive me? Like, what if they think this, or what if they think that? Or like, what if this video’s not good enough for like, people and they don’t like it, and yada, yada, yada.
Um, because I used to think like that too, posting or like my early post on TikTok or think like, Oh, well how are other people gonna see me? Like, is this gonna be something that I’ll like that, like this, You gotta do it for yourself is all I have to say. Like, it’s not, it’s not for anybody else really.
Yeah. It’s for, for. For yourself. Um, so I would just say like, the way people perceive you anyways is none of your business. Like, it’s not how you perceive yourself. How do you think of yourself, You know what I mean? So if you’re gonna do anything, do it for you. Um, the, the, it’s all about confidence. You gotta be confident, You gotta believe in yourself.
You gotta be confident in yourself, Uh, because people are gonna talk what, what everybody talks, you know, good, bad, whatever. You’re gonna find your people. Um, the haters are gonna hate, like, as cliche as that sounds, but it’s always there. Not everybody’s gonna love you, but that’s none of your business as long as you love yourself and you know, you just gotta do it for you.
Absolutely. Yeah. Amen. I love that. Thank you. I love that. So I’m, I’m gonna go into my next segment here, which is just helping me become less single
So I’m, I’m gonna ask you a few questions from a woman’s point of view Okay. And just kind of, if you can just gimme honest answer. Okay. So you, you’re a beautiful woman. What does it, what, what does a man do? What can a man do to gain your intentions besides not cheating? Good. Oh, that’s a tough one. I’m gonna be honest.
It, it . I get asked this question a lot actually, and I don’t really have an answer because for me, for me, it’s hard for me to find, like, to be like my atten. I don’t pay attention to things, you know what I mean? Um, no, like, that’s a hard one. Cuz guys don’t really, I would say in person, like a genuine, like in person connection is a thing, but you don’t wanna be like, Too, too pushy or something, You know what I mean?
Cause that can kind of come off as creepy. Right, Right. But social media wise, like I don’t, I’m not really flattered by like, you know, like compliments through the dms and stuff like that. Like, most of the time I ignore them. Ah, yeah. But that’s just me. Like the flag again, your dms, it’s like, it’s saying, um, maybe when I was younger, but like now, now it’s like, like, come on, like let’s be real.
Like, I’m a real human. , , I dunno. It’s kinda, let’s be real. It’s never gonna happen. Cause like, and most of the time it’s from people that are completely like, not in my, like area either. And I don’t, I, I don’t frown upon like long distance or online relationships. That’s not what I’m saying. But for me personally, it’s not really one of those things.
Like sometimes I’ll get compliments and I’ll, I’ll say thank you, but other than that it’s kind of just like, what else is there to go off of? Like, it’s not really for me, I would rather meet somebody. Yeah, exactly. I’ve heard all of it and it’s kind of like, now it’s boring. So I’m like, I’d rather meet someone organically at like a fucking farmer’s market or like at a coffee shop, as cliche as those sounds.
But like, that’s, that’s where I, I would rather meet someone, um, because social media is so fake and I feel. When if you go on my Instagram and you see me in on my Instagram, I feel like a lot of guys already have like an idea of me and it’s like probably way off than who I really am. So it’s kind of like when they message me, I kind of already have an idea of what they think I am, depending on the message they send me.
And it’s like, I’m probably not that girl anyway, so I’m not gonna bother. Like I can’t, I, you’re either gonna get let down or you’re gonna, I don’t know, but like, either way, I’m probably not the girl that you think that I am. Um, so I’m not gonna sit here and try to waste your time, you know what I mean?
Like I love it. I mean, yeah. Get it. . So super straight up. Uh, oh my God. Had me dying. Listen, you live in Jamaica. It’s not kinda, ok. So like for, for you though, if, if, well I mean you live in Vegas, so like, I’m sure like you could go anywhere and just randomly, organically meet someone and say, Oh, like. Even if, like, you go to your local coffee shop or the same coffee shop every single day and you see a really pretty girl and you see her every day and she goes there like all the time, like, I don’t know, like maybe like start a conversation.
See, see what kind of drinks she’s having, like coffee that she likes or something. I don’t know. I would rather meet someone like that than like, on social media, you know what I mean? I listen, I, I completely agree with you. Um, and yeah, I’ve, I, I’ve been trying more, so. Well, are you on, um, are you on, So you’re single, are you on any dating apps or anything?
Or anything? I don’t do dating apps. Uhuh? No. Okay. , I hear you. So, uh, I have been on some dating apps and I, uh, I want to ask what you think about this. I, this is a video that blew up for me is I put my opinion out there. Mm-hmm. , it’s just my opinion. I know some people are gonna, That’s okay, but I, I, this is my, So I’ll, I’ll match of someone.
And they’ll, and it’ll be great. And I’ll be like, Okay, let’s go out to coffee Friday, right? Because I want to get to know you in person. And like, that’s how you get to know someone. They’ll be like, Well, let’s, let’s text for a little bit before we go out to meet in person. And I don’t, I don’t vibe of that because I’m like, I can text you for a year too much.
Doesn’t matter, but I won’t really get to know you unless we’re in person. So like, I don’t get that. I don’t get like, let’s text for a long time before we actually decide to meet in person. I don’t vibe with that whatsoever. What do you think? Okay, so personally I don’t really like that either. Um, I will say that I’ve done that before for like with guys like in the past.
It’s like, Oh, well I’m not ready to meet yet. Like, let’s just text. Um, now that I look back on it, like personally for me, it was just a fear of meeting them. Like I. Like, I was kind of nervous. Oh yeah. To meet them. Um, so I would like that, that might be same case for those girls. Like just a fear of like having to actually meet someone.
Um, there’s, it’s a, there, I feel like there’s a lot of pressure. So is that more boredom? Like what do you think about that boredom? Like on their end? Like just wanting to text or what? Yeah, like are Yeah. They just wanting to talk or is it, is it just like, are you bored or are you generally like, kind of nervous and you just don’t wanna, You’re like, Oh, I want to vibe with, I wanna make sure I vibe a you through text before I vibe with I, I just don’t get the point.
Well, you know what I mean? Like, Yeah. I just wanna ask you. Well, I don’t know if it’s boredom. Um, I personally, I’m not a great texter. Like I get bored through text, but like, I’d rather hang out with someone and sit and talk with them. Um, For other people though. Yeah. I don’t know. Maybe it’s like, I really can’t say because.
It’s hard to say for like, speak on other people. I don’t really have knowledge on that. Like, maybe, maybe they just wanna feel your vibe like through text before they meet you. Cuz some people, some people like are weird, you know what I mean? Like, I’m not saying you’re weird, you seem pretty cool. Yeah, but I’m saying like other people, , other people can be weird.
Like, like you can meet someone on Tinder and like their profile seems really cool, but like the minute you meet them, they’re like a completely dis like different person. But that’s where like preconceived ideas Yeah. Of that person come from like, you already think there’s certain way based off their pictures and now you’re disappointed because they’re, they’re completely different in person.
That’s why I don’t do like dating apps and like dms and stuff like that. Everybody already has like a preconceived idea of you based on like what your profile says. And it’s hard, it’s hard to, like, it’s hard to even like go off of anything like that. It’s, it’s crazy. No, listen, uh, Jeffrey Dahmer ruined it for everyone else.
I get it. That’s, that’s another thing. Yeah. Fucking duh. God. That’s another thing. so I’m gonna ask you Okay. A couple of rapid fire questions. Okay. Just gimme your opinion. Um, what do you think about like, so me, my parents were really romantic with like, they got a divorce obviously, so I never really got to see like, you know, a perfect image.
So I always went off movies. But what do you think about, like for a first date? Do you, does a guy go huge romantic? I’m going balls to the wall. Bringing flowers all out? Or does, do you make it a little bit more chill? What would be kind of, Okay, so I’m a hopeless romantic. Um, I grew up watching my parents, like my dad would like, make like cute little dinner setups with candles and like crystal glass wine and like, like surprise my mom when she got home late, like on the weekends and stuff.
Like beautiful. Um, I also like really like Disney movies, like princesses, fairytales and all that. So like, personally for me, it doesn’t have to be anything big, but like, you know, like the whole flower gesture. Like that’s, that’s nice. A girl likes that. Like that will make her feel like, you know, I don’t know, it would make me feel like, Wow, this is cute.
Cuz like, most guys don’t do that. It’s not, it’s people say, Oh, that’s bare minimum. Um, not, well, it’s not anymore because like nobody does it. You know what I mean? So like, personally I would like that. Right. Um, but I’ve also dated guys that were like, perfect gentleman would open the door every single time.
I got into the car, would open the door, like for restaurants, like he would pull my seat out, like at the restaurant, make sure I was pushed in. Like, like that’s just me though. Like I’m a hopeless romantic. I like feeling like, you know, I like being in my feminine energy and having like a masculine be like, Okay, this is my role and I’m gonna do it.
And you can just sit there and look pretty and feel safe and feel comfortable. That’s just me though. That’s just me. Love it. That’s all. Agree. That’s, that’s just me. Um, no. Yeah. I’ve fucked with it. So I’m, I’m gonna take that to heart. , what do you, what do you feel about, um, what do you feel about, uh, sex on the first day?
I’ve never done it. I’ve, personally, for me, I’ve never done it just because, um, sex is like, it’s, it’s different. Like I’m one of those girls that can’t just have sex with anybody. Like I have to have like a connection there with them. Um, Have I, like, I’ve tried to like just do like, like the sneaky link thing or like casual sex or whatnot.
That happened with like two other guys and it didn’t work out for me. But even those guys, like I knew them for a long time. I feel like it never was like even those guys, like I knew them. Like one of ’em was like a friend for a while, and the other one, like, I’d known him like through school and stuff.
Um, and like, but there was like, it wasn’t even pleasurable because there was no like genuine connection where it was like, I care about this person. So it was kind of like, eh, like it’s not for, I realized that it wasn’t for me, so I don’t really, I wouldn’t have sex on the first day. I’ve never had sex on the first day.
I don’t think I would start now if I’m gonna be on it.
No, I, I completely get you. There is something weird about that, even for a guy, I will admit. Like if I ever had a stinky link or something, it’d be kind of different to be like, We’re just fucking compared to like, I actually really mean you and I like you and you know what I mean? There is a difference.
I agree with you. There’s not, not everybody’s like that. Um, what do you, what do you feel about, Um, no, not everyone’s not, and to be honest with you, I feel like, well, so here’s my question is like, do you feel like nice guys really do finish last? Cause you mentioned, oh, I dated a gentleman who pushed doors in for me and things like that.
But I always feel, I’ve always heard of like, the nicest guys always just get cheat. And I’m like, what is, what is this obsession with girls? So, okay, so , this might go on for a minute cuz I had a, this conversation with, um, with the last guy that I was just dating. Like, we were just, it wasn’t like official, but we were like going on dates and stuff.
Um, and I knew him from like high school. I, I dated him like we were boyfriend and girlfriend in high school and he was the nice guy. Um, and I ended up breaking up with him because I was not ready for a nice guy. And he always, and he switched up, he switched his roles, like now he’s like a player boy, yada, yada, yada.
Um, and I told him, I was like, Why did you change like that? Like why did you do that? And he was like, Well, the nice guys never get anywhere. He was like, You broke up with me. And I was like, Okay, well yeah, because I wasn’t ready for a nice guy. I was like, that doesn’t mean. You can go. And like I was like, I wasn’t ready for a night night.
I was like, That wasn’t your fault. I was like, That wasn’t you. That was a me thing. That literally was a me thing. I wasn’t ready for that. And he was like, That doesn’t make sense. But he was all girls like bad guys. It does, it doesn’t help explain to me, Okay, so girls will only accept the things that they believe they deserve.
And for the longest time, I only accepted half ass love because I didn’t fully love myself. So after this, after the full on two year relationship that I had that like completely went to shit, that’s when I realized like, what the fuck? Like obviously I didn’t love myself enough to continue a relationship like that.
So after I got out of it, I was like, Bro, like you gotta put poor love into yourself. Because if you can love a guy like that who did that to you, like why can’t you love yourself enough to accept a guy that’s willing to like go above and beyond for you? And that’s what I mean when girls aren’t ready.
Sometimes girls aren’t ready for the nice guy. And so the, that, the guy that I was just talking about, he was like, Girls like assholes, so I’m gonna be one. And I was like, All right, well girls only like assholes for so long and then they’re gonna fucking leave you guys alone and go find a fucking husband to marry.
I was like, and that’s when all the nice guys finish. I was like, when girls are, girls are finally ready to accept like a nice guy. Like they’re gonna, they will not settle for anything less than that nice guy. And that’s what I mean, like, it’s, it’s a crazy concept to think about, but that’s how I view it because that’s how I feel like I wasn’t ready for a nice guy because I dated the nice guy and he was the only nice guy that I dated.
And then after that it was kind of like, yeah, these guys were kind of nice, but they were like fake nice because like, cuz like they were only nice because I wanted them to do these things, but he did those things because he wanted to do those things. Do you know what I mean? . Like it’s different when you ask someone to do them for, and this, he just like did them for me because he wanted to, is what I mean.
And like there’s guys out there that are like that. But like, that doesn’t mean like, I’ve been on a few dates with like a few nice guys that like would do those things because they wanted to. Um, but like sometimes the connection’s just not there. Like we don’t click like we can’t be friends and I’d rather be friends first or at least get to know you on a friend level before, like being like in a relationship.
Cuz you can’t really, it’s hard to start relationships if you don’t really have a friendship like foundation cuz then it’s hard to be yourself. Like you don’t really know if you can be yourself. You don’t feel safe enough to, um, that’s just my opinion. No, I completely agree with you. Also, I mean, you heard it first for any nice guy out there, just wait, turn, right.
You don’t have to, This is what you saying. Well, like you don’t change. Like he changed like completely and I was just like, Don’t found it. I was like, Bro, that’s not you. And he knew it. It’s not him. Like that’s not who he is. And I was like, That’s not you. I was like, You’re not like, I was like, Let’s be real.
I was like, You’re more of a hopeless romantic than I am. I was like, Let’s be fucking for real. Yeah. And he was like, Yeah, but that never really got me anywhere. I was like, you didn’t even try to date anybody else after me. Like I was his first and only girlfriend. And like that ruined it for him apparently.
And I was like, That wasn’t your problem. So for the longest time I tried explaining this to him and um, after a while I think he kind of got that idea that like, yeah, the whole player thing is not for him. But I don’t think he was ready. But hear me out though. Did you, did you want him back after that?
Did you want him back knowing he was an asshole? I. Don’t know if I wanted him back. I, cuz we were friends even like in high school, like, even after I broke up with him. Like we kind, Yeah. Like he hated me for a little bit, but we ended up becoming friends like afterwards. Um, and we stayed friends like throughout high school or whatnot.
Yeah. Um, and then he, we obviously didn’t get reconnected until after my breakup, but like after my breakup we got reconnected and I was like, well, he’s always been my friend. And I always told him like, we would be friends. Um, but he lives a very different life than I do. Like he’s, he’s kind of like on the more like, uh, Spotlight scene.
Um, so it, it’s, he’s, he lived diff a different lifestyle, but he also, he, he changed a lot. And I understand why he changed, but I always told him, I was like, That’s not really you, but maybe it is you. Like, I don’t know. But like, the friendship, the bond that we had was Phil there. Like, we were very cl like, it’s not like my best friend, like he’s my best friend.
Um, so like, it’s not that I wanted him back, it’s that he did a lot of things that like, were very like, Wow, that was really nice. But he only did those things for me. So it was kind of like, it was kind of hard cuz like, I didn’t really want to fall for him because I knew he was a certain way, but it was like, it’s unconditional love for him.
Like, I will always love him because we’ve always had like that friendship bond there. So like, I don’t know, it was complicated. That was complicated, but like, I don’t know. Yeah. Uh, I love it. That’s, that’s, that’s actually kinda, I will, uh, so okay, I’m, let’s, I’m do rapid fire here. Uh, another question is, what do you, uh, what do you look for in a guy?
Like what does Honey Maxwell look for in a husband? A guy right now, a husband. That’s what I’m looking for. A husband and I got a husband. Nope, no games, no fucking bullshit. Like, I’m over it. I’m over all of it. I, my brother-in-law just asked me this the other day and he was like, What do you look for in a guy?
And I was like, a husband. I don’t want a boyfriend anymore. I want a husband. And I’m not saying that cuz I wanna go, go off and get married. No. I need a guy to come for me and act like a husband because when I’m in love and I care for someone, I act like a wife. So that’s what I expect. I expect a husband.
That’s what I give. That’s why, that’s what I’m accepting. That’s all I expect. That’s what I want. I’m not settling anymore. . Are you, are you in that place right now though? Are you, are you in that place where you’re like, I’m I’m not looking for anything? Or are you looking for like, okay, I’m, no, I’m not looking for anything, but like, if someone comes and finds me and they’re interesting and I think they’re interesting, um, and they want something with me, I would be like, Okay, well you better act like a husband.
Otherwise I don’t want this. Like I, That’s what I’m saying, like I’m not, I’m not actually ready to like put a ring on it. Let’s get married, have kids, like do the whole nine yards. I’m just saying cuz people are like, Oh, talking sage, dating boyfriend, girlfriend, but like doing all this weird shit and boundaries.
It’s like, fuck all that. I act like a husband. That’s all I need because I act like a wife. That’s what I’m saying, like, I’m not actually ready to get married. And in the relationships that I’ve been in, I act like a wife. I cook, I will clean, I will do laundry. Cuz that’s how I care for people. That’s how I care for people.
Like that’s just how I am. So it’s like, why can’t I have that? Like if you really want that, like if you want me, that’s, this is what I’m giving you. Like I give you the wife, like I treat you like a husband would, or a wife would treat her husband like a good one. So like why can’t I have that? You know what I mean?
Like, no, I don’t wanna get married, but this is what I offer. This is what I give. This is also what I expect to get back in return. That’s just how, That’s how I think now. man right now just fell in love. Every man just fell in love with me. It’s crazy. . uh, a couple more.
What would just, what do you think about a guy having girl friends, quote unquote at like, while you’re dating and vice versa? How do you feel about you having guy friends and going further than that? How would you feel if a guy was like, Hey, you cannot have any guy friends while we’re dating? Like, sounds a good one.
Um, I, okay. In the past I was, I wasn’t like, not okay with it. Like, as long as the communication there. Like, oh yes, this is my one friend that I’ve been friends with for a very, very long time and I don’t feel weird vibes. Cuz you, I know you have to know, like, people just know, like, I know when a girl wants my man and my man will know when a guy wants me.
It’s very obvious. I, I feel like I’ve always known like the difference between just like a regular friend and someone who wants to be a little bit more than your friend. I’ve always felt like, You know, like I kind of knew, right? Um, so yeah, you can have guy friends, girlfriends, like you can have your friends like, I’m not gonna mess that up for you.
Um, but the minute that I start getting like, your little girlfriend is like being too much or like she’s like getting jealous or something. I don’t know. Cuz girls are weird. Guys are weird too. But like the minute that I start, I start picking up on that. Yeah. Yeah. And I say, That doesn’t make me comfortable.
And you continue to do it. Like that’s where I know it’s like you’re fucking weird. And she’s weird too. Like you both are weird. So then I’m not okay with that. Like, it’s fine because you guys and girls can literally be platonic. Like I have a fair, I have a guy friend that’s very platonic and he has a girlfriend and it’s crazy because she literally.
I’ll FaceTime him and she’ll be there and we’ll all FaceTime, all of us three FaceTime together. And sometimes I wanna talk to her more than I want to even talk to him. And he was my friend first. Like, I don’t give a shit about him anymore. Like, and now I wanna be friends with you because you’re a girl and you probably get it.
Um, that’s what I mean, like, cuz there’s some girlfriends, girlfriends that are like, Oh, like, oh, he’s hanging out with his girlfriend, like too much or whatever. Like, yeah bro, like that’s his fucking girlfriend. Why, why would he not wanna hang out with her? Um, but I mean, I think it’s fine as long as like there’s no weirdness there.
Well what about a guy saying to you, Hey honey, I don’t want you to have any guy friends. Would you push back on that? Would you be like, Well dude, this has just been my friend for a long time. Or would you be like, Okay, fair, I get your balance. Like, oh boy, be, Or like, would you feel like. Okay, this guy’s insecure.
Or like, I respect that. Okay. What would be, So in the past I was like, All right, fair enough, Cut them out, No explanation needed, because that’s just who I was. Um, and then I realized like, you’re, that guy was full of shit, and like, I cut off all my fucking friends for you. So now, now I’ll sit with myself and I’ll be like, Okay, they don’t want me to have this guy friend.
Let me go ask why and be like, What is, what do you feel like, What is it that you’re feeling about this guy? Friend? Explain it to me. And, and maybe, maybe I could sit and understand that. And if it makes sense, then yeah, like I will cut them off. Um, if they don’t have, like, I don’t know. I really don’t know because I don’t really have guy friends anyways like I do, but like, not, not really to the point where it’s like, Oh, I wouldn’t want that guy friend.
Like my guy friends. Like hit me up like every couple of months just to check in and see if I’m. Alive and I’m okay. Um, so if a guy was like, Oh, I don’t want you to be friends with him anymore, and it was because he sent me like a, like a, my monthly check-in text message or something, I’d be like, That sounds, that’s ridiculous.
Cause I don’t talk to this friend like very often. Like, this is like a lifelong friends I don’t even talk to very often. Like, that wouldn’t make sense to me and I would just have to see what I can do about it because I’m not cutting off lifelong friends anymore. Cuz there I do have some friends that I’ve had for a very long time that I don’t talk to very often.
Um, that I’m not just gonna cut out because like this person can’t seem to understand that, you know, it’s different. It’s different. If I was like kind of seeing face, face timing them, like all the time, hanging out with them all the time, that’s different. And, and I could understand why he would be uncomfortable.
But if it’s just like literally a buddy that checks in on me to see if I’m fucking alive, like that’s like what’s the problem there that I wouldn’t. But that’s a, that’s tricky. are you the type of girl, are you the type of girl, and I don’t take his offense of it, I can’t tell if you are or not , but are you the type of girl who is like, is unfollow that bitch on Instagram?
Or like, I like, uh, let me go through your phone. Like what, what type of, what type of, what type of girlfriend are you? I used, used, I’m, I used to be, I will sit here and admit and say that, yeah, I used to be that girl because I was also very insecure. But also it was because I had a partner that literally cheated and lied to me like these that the tra the trauma that you share.
True. It is with past experiences, they don’t just go away. And it’s very hard to like sit there and be like, Okay, I can trust you. No, not really. Like show me that I can trust you is what it is. Um, But wouldn’t you say it’s so hard to not to like, to go back from that? Like, once you give me a reason not to trust you, it’s almost impossible for me to like, do stuff.
Yeah, that’s, It’s difficult. It’s difficult, but that’s where you have to sit and think. Like, is it worth it? Because, you know, as a person, if, like, if you sit with yourself enough to know yourself enough, you will know when a situation’s right for you and when it’s wrong for you. You’ll, you’ll know when it’s, it’s time to go, or if you think it’s like worth like to pursue.
Um, but like, I’m not, I, I could sit here and I could sit here and ask and say, unfollow them. Can you unfollow them or like delete them or whatever. I could sit here and ask you of that. Will I, No, I would expect you to just do it because that’s what you wanna do, not because I want you to do it. Does that make sense?
As. Personally, I think absolutely when men find the women that they want to be with, they will do everything and anything without her having to ask, they will just know. I feel like, and, and if they don’t know and they ask, like they will ask like, Hey, what is it that I can do for you? And they’ll do it without having an explana, without having to make her explain like why she wants it done.
They’ll just do it because that’s the girl that they want. Like, that’s how I see it. Like, yes, a girl can sit there and ask a billion things of you, but like, Oh God, if you don’t wanna do it, like, there’s really no point in her asking. So personally, like, yeah, I could sit here and ask, but I’m not going to like, you should want to do that for me because you wanna do that for me, not because I’m asking you to
Out of respect. Yeah, because you, because you respect me out of respect for me. I get you.
so the, the one, one of the questions I got from of your fans is what do you have next in your pipeline? what, what’s, what’s your, what’s your take about really? Like what, what are you, what’s like your main audience? Just women who hate men or, My TikTok is literally just whatever I’m feeling that day. I’m gonna be honest. If you , if you go through my video, like none of them are like linear.
Like I have one where I’m spitting on a chair and like I have one where I’m talking about a bad dream that I had that people took far too serious. May I add? Cuz the comments on that video, I was like, it’s literally a dream. Like there I’m not dating anyone. There was nobody I was mad at when I woke up.
Like the one that you mentioned earlier, when was it? When it was like, uh, he was on the phone and it ended up being a dream at the end. People were like, Oh, I bet you were mad at him when you woke up and yada yada. And I was like, I had jokes on you. There is no him. Like, that was just a fucked up dream that I had.
I’m not seeing anyone like . Like what do you mean that? Which is funny that like, that shit is funny to me. Like people assume everything and someone was like, Oh, like I bet you like made him have a hell of a day. Like there is no H, there is no h I just had a random fucked up dream. I’m sharing it. Yeah.
And now y’all are thinking I’m dating someone. Like, y’all are crazy. Like, I thought I was crazy. That’s crazy. Like people are just assuming stuff. . But no, like my doesn’t have like, it doesn’t have like a niche like, like I said earlier in this podcast, like it doesn’t have a niche. I don’t have trends that I’m going by.
I don’t have like certain little things. Like I just post whenever I feel like posting or if I’m just like, if I wanna talk to myself on my camera that day, like I’ll just post that or, yeah. I don’t know. Like I could sit there and talk shit about men if I wanted to, but like, I, I, am I going to, Nah. Like, I could but it, unless I really feel angry at men that day, like I’m, it’s not like a main focus of mine.
I just do whatever I wanna do on TikTok. That’s it.
I, well, my podcast is niche, but like my, my podcast is not really like about anyone specifically.
So anything that I go through along with mental health relationships and things like that I will talk about. Right. But you know, most of the guests I have on my podcast, whether they’re psychologists, you know, psychiatrists, therapists, or even just, uh, content creators, they are women.
Cause I like to get a different side of things, which I respect. I stuck that. Um, cuz I think someone said like, uh, like, Yeah. Yeah. . Well, thank you. Thank you. Because, you know, I, I’m always looking for a woman’s perspective and a woman’s point of view. It’s not just a male like, You know, fuck your baby mama type of thing.
It’s, no, I’m just going through the emotions of my life. Mm-hmm. and figuring things out for myself, you know? And I, and I, I really love that about yourself because I feel like you have like a really, I don’t know, you’re really genuine. Everything we spoke about today, I’m like, I try to be as honest as I can be.
Sometimes I’m a little too honest and it’s like too much for people, but like, that’s just life. You know what I mean? Like No, I, I get, I get the impression you would scare me. Like if you’re mad, I get the impression that you would frighten me, but like, Yeah. . Yeah. I get that a lot. I get that a lot. Um, but yeah, no, I mean, I, it’s all about being as genuine as you can be because you can look at a person and.
what you wanna see, but like being able to sit there and talk with them and figure out who they actually are, it’s a different story. I understand that there are liars, like there’s people that have put on masks and stuff, but I, it’s very easy to sift through people like that. It’s very, you know what I mean?
Like, you could tell the people who are honest and the people who aren’t honest Sure. Is. It’s very obvious. It’s very obvious. But that’s, that’s life. honey, I, I deeply enjoyed our conversation. I felt like, um, you know, I feel like a lot of people will vibe with you.
I feel like a lot of people will fall in love with you. Feel like a lot of people learn from you. Um, you thank you an amazing person. I hope they learn something. Yeah. , don’t be a cheater. Don’t be a cheat. Don’t be. Cheaters only make strong women, I feel like. So, uh, the ones that really heal, they make strong women.
So, I mean, go ahead, cheat, but like, you’ll never get her back. . Amen. And look, I, I, I don’t care what you say. I feel like this, this, you, you, uh, you really, how do I say it? You, you really showed your ex like Yeah. Like a boss man. Thank, I mean, seriously. You are amazing. Um, well I enjoyed this. I feel like I made a new friend.
Hopefully. Definitely agree, agree. May not, but you’re my friend. Either way. Um, there’s a very enjoyable conversation, . I really enjoyed talking. It was like you had really good questions. That was great.
I try, I, I try to come with the heat. I watch a lot of your podcast or a lot of your ticks, so, uh, thank you for giving me good content to laugh to.
So I, I’ve been asking all of my guests this to kind of like, just throw ’em a, a curve ball at, at, you know, the end of the, at the end of the episode. And I’m gonna ask you and be honest, cuz you know, I, at this point I can tell whether you’re lying to me, but so I really don’t know. Um, I wouldn’t put it past me. Like I, I’ve been told I’m really good with kids anyways, so it’s like, I wouldn’t say I wouldn’t date someone with a kid, but I honestly don’t know. Yeah. Like depending on, on the guy, I guess. Like if you have a kid, I mean like with like what do you, you know what I mean?
Like, well it’s just like another part of you hanging. Why that’s kind of cool. You know, like that’s a little mini you. Absolutely. I don’t, I don’t know. I wouldn’t put it past me though. I wouldn’t put it past me. I think of my, I think of my daughter as like my partner crime. She’s like, you know what I mean?
She’s like, she’s, she’s not, she’s not like baggage. Oh yeah. She’s like a plus. You know what, one of my sisters, she had a baby, and she was a single mom for a long time, and then she found a really good guy to be like, you know, step up. And like, he really accepted my niece, like, as his own, like, and that’s very admirable.
Like, I admire him for that because not very many people are willing to do that. So, I mean, that’s what I’m saying. Like, I, I don’t know because I, they’ve never had a situation like that before, but I wouldn’t put it past me. Like if I got the chance to like step up and be like, you know, like a helping hand for like another little human being growing up.
Like they could probably learn something from me. Like, I don’t know. I wouldn’t put it past me.
Well, you do seem like a good role model and to all of the women listening, um, I looked honey right in the eyes and she’s telling me the truth. So give, give someone the, give someone a chance if they , if they do approach you. Uh, well this has been great. I don’t wanna take more of your time, but listen, thank you so much.
We are definitely bs Yeah, of course. I hope to have you on again some time and, um, I’ll message you after this. But really thank you for being on the show and thank you for having me. I genuinely think we had a good chat. Like that was really fun. I’ve never done a podcast before, but this was great. This is really good.
First experience minus all the technical issues like this was great.
No, I’m just happy to be your first. Uh, honey, I’ll, I’ll message you shortly, but thank you so much again. Thank you. Uh, I already love you. Okay. . All right. Bye .
All right. Well, thank you for joining me on another episode of the Single Father Podcast. Uh, I really love this episode. Um, you know, I felt like honey was great. You know, uh, one of the reasons I have women guests on the show is to make sure that I’m not outta touch with different perspectives and, and, and feelings that other people may have, and to make sure that I’m staying in tuned with my own kind of reality, if that makes sense.
I really respect women’s opinions. And I feel like they can also, it teache us a lot of different things when it comes to love, relationships, mental health, and to to be, quite frankly, even fatherhood. Um, so I really loved, uh, honey as a guest. She shared a lot with me. She was very open and I just truly respect that and I feel like she was just amazing.
So thank you again to Honey. Um, guys, uh, please like, subscribe, share, leave a review. It definitely helps the podcast a lot. Um, uh, again, as I said in the beginning, check out the Patreon. Um, it’s again, Patreon slash single Father podcast. Uh, there’s different opportunities where we can engage with each other.
And, um, this podcast, uh, this episode ended up being a little long, so I’m not gonna do a mail. Right now, but I promise on the next episode I’ll dedicate a, uh, a pretty significant segment to just answering, um, you know, your guys’ questions. So, um, I promise that will be next episode. Um, we’re going back to weekly episodes.
I know I was on the vacation, but, uh, expect weekly episodes. Um, thank you guys for being, um, a follower, a supporter, thank you, allowing me to event with you. Um, this was great you guys. Amazing. And, um, you know, I love having our little community where we get to vent with each other as a pack, which is why I like to say my motto, vent pack.
Um, once again, guys, thank you very much and, uh, 📍 I was your host, Kendall Donker Father Deezy, Buh Bye.
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